AITAH for breaking up with my gf after I found out she slept with someone while dating (and lied about it)?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 1 Comment

A quiet evening unravels into a gut-punch for a young man when he uncovers a hidden truth about his girlfriend. Early in their romance, he laid out his dealbreakers with crystal clarity, only to learn she betrayed his trust with a lie that cut deep.

This Reddit saga spills the raw sting of deception in a budding relationship. His firm stand, met with her pleas to overlook the past, sparks a fiery debate about honesty, boundaries, and whether love can survive a shaky start.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITAH for breaking up with my gf after I found out she slept with someone while dating (and lied about it)?’

When I first started dating my now ex, and asked her if she wanted to be exclusive, I asked her two questions.. 1. Was she seeing anyone else? She said no.. And 2. Has she slept with anyone else while dating me? She said no. She did ask me why I asked her that.

I told her that I believe that if you sleep with someone else when dating others, that makes us incompatible. Cuz to me that means she either doesn't see s** the same way I do, or if she does she it the same way I do, then it means she chose someone else over me.

(We hadn't slept together by then btw). So, after that, we were together, for about year and some months. I found out that she had in fact slept with someone else while dating me. Honestly, there wasn't anything she could have said, but I figured I should let her talk.

ADVERTISEMENT

She said it meant nothing and that she didn't want that to ruin a good thing, and that I shouldn't let something so meaningless ruin our relationship. I told her that she lied to me, and that I was very clear on my end. I told her we were done.

She kept insisted that our relationship is good, and that it was a good thing she lied. I told I'm not gonna reward her lying. I do feel kind of guilty tbh, but she lied to me when I was as clear as possible. Aitah?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

ADVERTISEMENT

This breakup wasn’t just about a past fling—it was a trust fracture. The girlfriend’s lie, concealing a hookup during their early dating phase, violated a boundary the Redditor set upfront, making her deception a deliberate choice.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a relationship expert, notes, “Honesty is the foundation of intimacy” . Her claim that the act was “meaningless” and the lie “good” dismisses his values, eroding trust. His clarity about sexual exclusivity reflects a valid personal standard, not control.

This mirrors a broader issue: trust in modern dating. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 52% of young adults cite dishonesty as a top relationship dealbreaker . Her lie, especially after his explicit questions, signals a mismatch in integrity.

ADVERTISEMENT

He was right to walk away, prioritizing self-respect. For future relationships, discussing boundaries early and watching for red flags like defensiveness can prevent similar pain. His story underscores the cost of dishonesty in love.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rallied behind the Redditor, their comments a chorus of support. They praised his resolve, calling the girlfriend’s lie a blatant betrayal of his clearly stated boundaries. Her justification—that the lie preserved their “good” relationship—was met with scorn, seen as manipulative.

Commenters also questioned the friends who downplayed the deception, urging him to seek allies who value honesty. The community’s verdict was unanimous: his exit was a stand for integrity, proving some lies are too heavy to forgive.

ADVERTISEMENT

prettygiraffee − NTA - you asked her at the beginning at the relationship if she had slept with someone else while dating you because that was a dealbreaker for you, as it would have been for me too. She said no knowing she had so she started yalls relationship on a lie. If she had of told you from the get go do you think you could’ve worked through it? How did you find out?

FantasticVast01 − Why did she think it was a good thing that she lied?

Soggy-Beach-1495 − Her claim that sleeping with someone else is meaningless doesn't bode well for her potential as a long term partner.

ADVERTISEMENT

Serious_Basket4803 − This whole thing about having to discuss exclusivity is crazy. It should be the norm. Date one person at a time and see where it goes. No way in hell I'd waste my time dating someone who's currently hooking up with other people. The bigger problem with your situation was the lie. You made your boundary clear. She lied about it and is now facing the consequence of that lie.

hollowthatfollows − NTA She had a moment to come clean about her sleeping with someone else while dating in that moment, and may even have considered it when she followed up with asking why you asked, but all that matters is that she CHOSE not to tell you to truth, and lied by omission in the process.

She was feeling out what you knew already so she would know how much to lie. She made a choice in that moment, don't feel guilty that her choices had consequences, you should actually be proud that you kept your boundary and did what was right to protect yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

You are going to go on to have a healthy relationship with someone who is on the same page as you on day, and maybe your ex will have learned not to sleep with people while dating another from all this.. edit: if someone gets upset when you set boundaries, it's a sign that the boundary was necessary.

Upbeat_Lawyer7962 − Why'd you expect exclusivity before voicing it? 

Socklovingwolfman − YTA - Not for breaking up with her. She lied, and then kept up the lie for over a year. That's a solid deal-breaker for most people. No. YTA for thinking you have any right to tell her what she can and can't do. Especially before you were exclusive.

ADVERTISEMENT

Until you became a monogamous, exclusive couple, what she did with her body is none of your business unless she caught something and risked passing it on to you.  Edit 30APR25: I'm done arguing with misogynists. You're boring me. Down vote me all you want, but if you come into my notifications with some nonsense, I'll just block you. 

Better-Ad-8756 − Nta as I have the same beliefs. If I’m dating I want 100% of their attention, affection, and s**ual energy. You honestly have to make that very clear in today’s dating market. She probably thought “he’ll never find out” or if he does “he will love me and look past it”. The price is wrong biatch.

teebeecee456 − YTA you set her up. she didn't know you at all and yet you wanted a commitment. if you had that discussion during the 1st or 2nd date I'd say NTA but to have at the point where you're ready to be exclusive implies it was several dates/months...

ADVERTISEMENT

that's a set up. you were testing her instead of just communicating your expectations. immature and obnoxious. but doesn't matter its over so why even ask this question!?!? move on

No_Palpitation_6244 − NTA. Don't let these comments gaslight you with 'exclusivity talk' nonsense or that she 'ended up choosing you'. You're 100 percent right that her having s** with the other guy was her choosing him, or if not him, choosing pleasure over you. which is even worse, because she could've gotten pleasure with any guy- including *you*, and she chose not to get it from you, but from him

This Redditor’s tale is a sharp reminder that trust is the bedrock of love. By ending a relationship built on a lie, he chose honesty over comfort, a move that resonates with anyone who’s faced betrayal. His journey prompts reflection on navigating trust in romance. Have you ever confronted a partner’s deception? Share your stories below and let’s unpack how to rebuild or move on.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One Comment

  1. Pingback: [UPDATE] AITAH for breaking up with my gf after finding out she slept with someone while dating (And lied about it)? - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending