AITA for not picking the restaurant my cousin wanted?

A juicy promotion calls for a sizzling steakhouse dinner, but for one woman, her celebratory plans hit a snag. Her vegan, gluten-free cousin, notorious for derailing restaurant choices, demands a venue swap, threatening to skip the party and urging others to follow. As family texts buzz with drama, the woman holds firm, unwilling to let her moment be overshadowed.

This tale of triumph and tantrums serves up a hearty dose of family friction. When does accommodating a relative’s needs trump your own special day?

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‘AITA for not picking the restaurant my cousin wanted?’

I (25f) just recently received a great promotion at work and I’m really excited about it. Because of this I decided to invite some family out to dinner to celebrate. I chose a steakhouse and when my cousin, Aria (32f) found out it was a steakhouse called me to let me know that I had to pick a different restaurant.

When I asked why she explained it was because she was vegan, gluten-free, and also has a few allergies and couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t cross-contaminate her food. I explained to her that there were vegan and gluten free options and we could let the restaurant know of her allergies so everything would be fine.

She refused saying it doesn’t make a difference and told me if I don’t pick a different restaurant she wouldn’t attend and hung up. This has happened in the past as well, whenever I want to go out to a restaurant whether it’s for an event or a birthday she has an issue with it and has been doing this since I was younger.

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I remember when I turned 16 she told my parents that I had picked a restaurant she couldn’t eat at. Because of this my parents let her pick where we went for my birthday and she picked one of my least favourite restaurants and I had no fun.

To be honest, I don’t really care if she attends or not so I texted her and let her know that I wouldn’t be changing the restaurant. Because of this shes been going absolutely feral and texting others to not attend because I’m being inconsiderate. I’ve been asked if maybe I can change the restaurant for her preferences but I denied.. AITA?

Celebrations should shine, but dietary differences can dim the mood. The woman’s steakhouse pick, complete with vegan and gluten-free options, was a fair choice for her promotion bash. Her cousin’s refusal and campaign to derail the event, though, reeks of entitlement, rooted in a pattern of controlling family gatherings.

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Etiquette expert Dr. Elaine Swann notes, “Guests should respect the host’s choices.” With 15% of diners having dietary restrictions, per food industry data, restaurants often accommodate allergies when informed. The cousin’s past success in hijacking events, like the woman’s 16th birthday, fuels her demands.

This clash reflects broader family boundary issues. Dr. Swann advises, “Set clear expectations early.” The woman should stick to her plans, invite those who’ll celebrate, and limit future invites to her cousin.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit carved into this family feud like a prime rib. Here’s the community’s saucy take:

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Enough-Process9773 − NTA. I'm a vegetarian and gluten-free and if I'm invited to a restaurant to celebrate for someone else's special occasion, all I need to know is that there is at least one vegie/gf option on the menu for main course and for dessert.. (More than one is nice, but not essential if it's someone else's party time.)

Admittedly if I'm picking the restaurant for *my* celebration I'm going to pick one where there's lots of vegie/gf options on the menu, but for someone else's pick - all I really care is that I'm not going to be sitting there with a sad salad while everyone else is having a really good meal.

But also, if someone picks a restaurant for a party where I *know* I'm not going to be able to find anything to eat, I'll just let the host know I won't be able to attend - no big deal: they like the restaurant and it's their party, so I send my good wishes and don't go.

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Wild_Ticket1413 − NTA. It's your celebration. You get to decide where to hold the party. You shouldn't let one guest dictate where you can eat. There are options for people with dietary restrictions. Many restaurants do have vegan and gluten free options these days.

She can also ask about bringing her own food. You offered to contact the restaurant beforehand and see what they could do to accommodate her. That's all you had to do. If she doesn't feel this is enough, or she doesn't want to attend, she isn't obligated to be there. Given the way she's acting, I wouldn't invite her to future events.

n2oc10h12c8h10n402 − shes been going absolutely feral and texting others to not attend. I do not understand this dynamic. Very often OPs mention family members are calling nonstop and making demands. I truly believe you (and others) should not give a flying f... . Don't wanna go? Then don't go. Not your problem and absolutely not everyone else in the family's problem. . NTA

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Hawaiianstylin808 − Stop inviting her. The dinner is for you. Go where you want.. NTA.

Libba_Loo − NTA, your cousin sounds like an absolute pill (and maybe jealous to not be the center of attention). Enjoy your dinner, I guarantee you won't miss her at all, nor anyone else who chooses not to attend in protest on her behalf.

Beginning_Flower_390 − I had to double check the age, she’s 32 pulling this tantrum bs? I cannot handle it. NTA enjoy your dinner with those who join. Your parents are aholes letting her choose for your birthday and giving into her

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Don't you just love an 'everything is me me me me me' kinda person? And telling people not to celebrate? She's a huge AH. And I'd consider going NC - she will be a problem for you in the future. Imagine your wedding day... The people that are asking you to change the restaurant? I'd be wary of them too.. Now a lil lighthearted joke.. how do you know someone is vegan?. they will tell you... a lot.

CrimsonKnight_004 − NTA. It’s your party but sounds like she’ll cry if she wants to. When you turned 16, she was around the age you are now. As you are, could you imagine making a teenage girl miserable on her sweet 16 just because you felt that entitled? I’m sure you’d feel like a raging AH, and rightfully so, because that’s exactly what she is.

The rest of your family is used to be doing over backwards to appease her. That doesn’t mean you have to or even *should.* If they don’t attend because she’s playing victim, then I can’t image they would’ve been the most pleasant company anyway. Whoever does attend are the real ones and I hope you have a great celebration with them.

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Anxious-Routine-5526 − NTA. It's *your* celebration. You extended her an invitation. That's as far as any obligation towards her extends. If she doesn't like your choice, she can simply not attend.. Stop inviting her. Stop accommodating her demands on how *you* celebrate *your* moments.

kilgirlie − NTA. It sounds like you should stop inviting her to your celebrations.

These spicy takes are well-done, but do they miss the sizzle? Is the cousin jealous, or just inflexible?

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This promotion dinner drama grills the balance between personal joy and family demands. The woman’s stand for her steakhouse choice sparks a meaty debate about boundaries and celebrations. What would you do if a relative tried to hijack your big moment? Share your stories in the comments—let’s feast on this family fracas!

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