AITA for refusing to attend a few sessions of my dad and his wife’s marriage counseling?

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In a quiet diner, a 19-year-old woman faced her father’s questions about his wife. His hopeful tone clashed with her blunt truth: she felt no love for her stepmother. That honesty sparked a crisis, with her father now begging her to join their marriage counseling to save his marriage.

This Reddit story dives into blended family struggles, where love isn’t automatic. The young woman’s refusal highlights the clash between duty and personal truth, drawing readers into a tale of loyalty and tough boundaries.

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‘AITA for refusing to attend a few sessions of my dad and his wife’s marriage counseling?’

This argument started three weeks ago. But I need to go back to a little over a month ago for context. My dad called me (19f) and asked if I'd go out for lunch with him because we needed to talk. I agreed and we went somewhere private and had lunch just the two of us.

While we were there he asked me how I felt about his wife and whether I loved her and what she was to me, from my perspective and then he gave examples of second mom, mom figure, best friend or special adult. I asked why he was asking the questions and he told me it was homework the marriage counselor set for him and he told me the answers were important.

He said his wife was feeling like she was only in my life because they were married and that I didn't care for her much either way. I told him she was right. That I didn't love her or see her as any of the things he mentioned. I said the most I could say was she was his wife and I respected that he loved and wanted her so I accepted her for that.

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He told me that didn't mean I didn't love her though and he asked me a bunch of questions about if he died, they divorced, if they were both elderly and needed care and my half siblings couldn't do it all or if they both needed care and my half siblings were too young to care for them would I care for her like I would for him.

I told him if they divorce I wouldn't stay in touch with her and it would be the same if he died. I told him I'd take care of him. That I loved him. That he gave me a good life. But I wouldn't do the same for her. I tried to insist that the questions stop there but they didn't.

He wanted to know if I didn't love her at least like someone I'm very close to and I told him no and I said I'm not very close to her. He said he didn't think 12 was too old to form a close bond with a stepparent and I told him maybe not for some, but for me it was.

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He asked me if I hadn't wanted him find someone to love who could be a maternal figure for me. I told him honestly that I believed him when he swore for years after mom died that there'd never be someone else. That I wasn't mad about it not being true, but he blindsided me when he told me at 12 he'd fallen in love and was getting married again.

I told him I was 10 or 11 maybe when he last said there'd never be another after mom and I believed him. A couple of weeks after that my dad told me I needed to join in the marriage counseling sessions because his wife was feeling like s**t and we needed to all come together and find a way forward where she felt loved and wanted by me.

He said he was worried his marriage would end if we didn't figure it out. I told him I wasn't joining their marriage counseling and that it had nothing to do with me. He told me it had everything to do with me because she didn't want to stay married if she was merely tolerated by me.

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He said we needed to figure it out as a family and he told me if I don't go it might break his wife's heart enough that the marriage ends now. But I put my foot down and said no again. He's asked me every week since and my answer hasn't changed.

He said his wife broke down at their last session and said she didn't want to have a family that wasn't whole and that the counselor had wanted to speak to me too. He said my refusal was killing his marriage

And I should figure out a way with his wife because if they were together long term she would be around my kids and she might not want to be a grandparent to them if I'm indifferent to her.. AITA?

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Blended families often face emotional hurdles, and this story shows the strain of forced bonds. The 19-year-old’s refusal to join her father and stepmother’s counseling reflects her boundary: she respects her stepmother but feels no maternal tie. Her father’s pressure risks pushing her away, while her stepmother’s need for love ignores her autonomy.

Stepfamily challenges are common. A 2019 study by the American Psychological Association notes 60% of stepfamilies struggle with integration, often due to stepparents’ unrealistic hopes. The stepmother’s demand for affection overlooks the time needed for trust.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, says, “Stepparents must earn a relationship through time and respect, not demand it”. The OP’s resistance likely stems from her father’s sudden remarriage at her age 12, breaking promises about her late mother.

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Advice: The OP should maintain her boundaries while showing respect, perhaps suggesting a neutral family talk outside counseling. Her father and stepmother need a counselor skilled in stepfamily issues to address their marriage independently.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s community rallied behind the young woman, seeing her refusal as a stand for personal truth. Many argued that love can’t be forced and that her stepmother’s expectations were unfair, placing undue blame on a 19-year-old for adult marital issues.

Commenters also criticized the father for dragging his daughter into the conflict. The stepmother’s emotional demands were viewed as misplaced, with some questioning the counselor’s role. The thread buzzed with support for the OP’s honesty and her right to set boundaries.

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vovinvritra − NTA, I will never understand people who marry someone with a child and assume they're going to have this deep parental bond with the kid. That's really not something the adults get to dictate and while they can be open to it

they should be aware it's up to the kid to ultimately determine how close they'll become. Stepmom is being outright insane and your dad is being weak. . Frankly they shouldn't have even gotten married if she couldn't handle being a stepmom.

No_Cockroach4248 − Are you sure your dad and his wife are meeting with a professional and qualified counselor? Your dad’s marriage is in trouble and his wife is projecting the cause of the breakdown in their relationship onto the lack of a relationship with her adult step daughter and sidestepping the real issues in their marriage.

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If your dad and his wife are serious about trying to fix their marriage, they should get a better/qualified counselor and be honest with the counselor as to the root cause of their problems. NTA

MelTheKeeper − NTA. I cant believe the counselor is asking as well. His wife needs to understand that she is his wife. If you are respectful to her in that station that is all she can ask and only if she is respectful back. She isnt owed your love and if she wants it so bad she would have needed to put in the effort to form that kind of relationship.

And her relationship with you is a separate relationship from him. If they are in marriage counseling that is for them to connect as a couple and work on their issues. Three adults shaming a 19 year old into a relationship is stupid.

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They need to accept where you stand now and instead of guilt tripping you and sending a proxy your step mom should have tried to build a relationship when you were a kid and lived there. Your love wasnt an automatic.

If she did try and you just dont feel it then she should accept your honesty and can say i love you and respect your decision if i make you uncomfortable let me know and then act respectfully to you at holidays and stuff.

Their marriage isnt falling apart because of you. They should not be dragging you into their s**t. And your dad should put his foot down if his marriage is hinging on something that isnt his own thoughts feelings or actions

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and stand up for your right to your truth and validate that he wont coerce you into some untrue feelings or an awkward as heck situation. If he wasnt accepting your no in private it wont get better with new wife as the audience.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 − Marriage counselling is for people who are married.

ssddalways − Nta, it's weird that their marriage hinges on an 19 year old loving their stepmum. Unless you are out and out disrespectful or dismissive of her then this really isn't your problem.

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She should be married to your dad because she loves him not some illusion that you will fawn over her. This is weird as f**k not going to lie. I have a stepmum and her relationship with my dad doesn't hinge on her relationship with me, my brother nor my daughter, it is their marriage!!.

Both-Butterfly-58 − NTA. Their marriage is not your responsibility.

InitialSquirrel7491 − In one way, I think it might be helpful to go to one session… and here’s why. If you go your dad can’t tell you it’s your fault his marriage breaks down because you did what he asked-attend a session. The therapist , wife, dad will all hear what your dad said to you, and why you do not see his wife as anything but his wife.

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The therapist should be on your side , or at least neutral and be able to reinforce what you said to them in a way they can understand, and also that his wife is the only who is making this choice in breaking them up- not you. At the very least you will get a lot off your chest . 🤷🏻‍♀️

Neuropathic1980 − In exactly what universe is your step moms poor me b**lshit your fault? Step parents need to face the f**king reality that the majority of the time they will never be viewed the same way as an actual parent. This is not the kids' fault or problem. It's an issue for the actual f**king adults to deal with.

She married your dad, likely expecting some kind of 'instant family,' and that you would bond and live a happy little hallmark movie life. Now she realizes her little self-induced fantasy is exactly that. Let them deal with it, and please do NOT let this s**t affect your own life.

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redditlurker1981 − My dad remarried after my mom died. I tried to be supportive of his happiness but his wife is…a lot I tried to like her, but for fucks sake the whole “blended family” crap being constantly shoved down my throat while still grieving my mom was too much.

All I could ever say to my dad about it was “you can have as many wives as you want, you only get one mom, stop pushing this because you’re just pushing me away, and you’re my only parent now”. That kinda struck him a bit with my reality.. I was in my early twenties when all this s**t went down so I didn’t need/want another mom.

His wife’s insecurities are not your problem to solve. The more they try to drag you into this, the more you’ll want to pull away, so they need to accept that. You can’t be manipulated into being a happy family.. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. I know all too well the dead mom club f**king sucks.

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HeIsCorrupt − NTA. Your dad has been married 7yrs, involved with his wife at least 8 yrs.. You are of an age where you can go off on yourown if you haven't already. Whatever your father's wife's issues are

they are kuch more severe than whether or not you 'love her as a mother or whatever'.. Your step-mom needs psychological counselling to work on 'her deep problematic personal issues' which likely. supercede anything about her actual marriage.

This story of family tension underscores the challenges of blended families. The young woman’s firm stance shows strength, while her father’s fears reveal the fragility of new ties. Love can’t be forced, but respect can build bridges. Share your thoughts—how do you navigate stepfamily dynamics?

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