AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids when she had an important work dinner?

Picture a phone buzzing at 4 p.m., a desperate plea for last-minute childcare clashing with a looming grad school exam worth 40% of the grade. For a 24-year-old juggling a full-time job and night classes, her sister’s constant babysitting demands—15 times in three months—have stretched her thin. This time, saying no to watching her niece and nephew meant her sister missed a promotion dinner, unleashing family fury and a shady Facebook post. Caught between guilt and her own goals, she’s left wondering if she’s the villain.

This tale is a relatable rollercoaster of duty, dreams, and drama, as familiar as a family group chat gone wild. Who hasn’t felt torn between helping loved ones and protecting their own path? Her stand for her studies hooks us, sparking a debate about where family loyalty ends and personal boundaries begin.

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‘AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids when she had an important work dinner?’

This Reddit post spills the tea on a sibling showdown that’s as tense as a study crunch. Here’s the woman’s account of her babysitting refusal and family fallout:

I (24F) am currently working full-time while taking night classes for my master's degree. My schedule is PACKED. My sister (30F) has two kids (4 and 6) and constantly asks me to babysit last minute. Like, I've helped her out at least 15 times in the past 3 months alone. Sometimes with literally 2 hours notice.

I've missed study groups, rescheduled meetings, and even called out sick once to help her. I love my niece and nephew but omg it's getting ridiculous. Yesterday, she texted me at 4pm asking if I could watch the kids from 6-11pm because her regular sitter canceled. I had a HUGE exam the next morning worth 40% of my grade that I needed to study for.

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I told her I couldn't this time and suggested she try the babysitting app I showed her before. She freaked out saying it was an important work thing and I was the only person she trusted. I stood my ground for once and said no. She ended up missing her work event. Now my whole family is blowing up my phone.

Apparently this 'work thing' was actually a dinner with her boss where they were discussing a promotion. My parents are saying I'm selfish and should have just 'studied earlier' (as if grad school works that way lol). My sister is giving me the silent treatment and posted a vague FB status about 'people who don't value family.' Like???

I've dropped everything for her kids so many times but the ONE time I prioritize my education, I'm the villain? I feel bad about the promotion thing, but also feel like I'm becoming her default childcare without any consideration for my life. AITA for refusing to be her emergency babysitter this ONE time?

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A sister’s work dinner shouldn’t hijack a grad student’s exam prep, but this 24-year-old’s firm “no” to last-minute childcare ignited a family firestorm. Her sister’s reliance on her—15 times in three months, often with two hours’ notice—shows entitlement, not urgency, especially after the woman suggested a babysitting app. The family’s backlash, from parents’ “study earlier” quips to a vague Facebook jab, ignores her sacrifices and paints her as selfish for prioritizing her future. The sister’s missed promotion is a consequence of her own poor planning, not the woman’s refusal.

This scenario mirrors broader family obligation dynamics. A 2022 Journal of Family Issues study found 40% of young adults report pressure to prioritize family needs over personal goals, often harming career progress. The sister’s expectation of free, on-demand childcare exploits the woman’s kindness.

Family therapist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab advises, “Setting boundaries with family requires clear communication and consistency to avoid resentment”. The woman’s refusal was a healthy step, but her family’s reaction suggests deeper enabling patterns. The parents’ failure to step in as alternative sitters underscores their bias toward the sister.

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Moving forward, the woman could set firm babysitting limits, like only agreeing with ample notice, and redirect requests to apps or other relatives. A calm talk with her sister, framing her studies as non-negotiable, might reset expectations.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew stormed in with takes spicier than a late-night study snack! Here’s what the community dished out on this childcare clash:

kurokomainu − NTA Just keep reiterating that you were asked last minute the night before a major exam worth 40% of your grade. You already babysit at the drop of a hat, often making personal sacrifices to do so, which is already an unreasonable expectation. You don't owe her the sacrifice of your future so she can have kids with no drawbacks to her life. These are not your kids. It is not your responsibility.

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If in a crazy spin of the wheel of fate two important events coincide and one of you has to sacrifice something in order for her kids to be looked after she is the one who will have to make the sacrifice because they are her kids.. You must feel like you are taking crazy pills. If I were you I'd tell them that their attitude is so wrong that you are backing off from making any sacrifices to babysit her kids entirely.

It's like no good deed goes unpunished. Maybe after her life starts suffering when she has to make her own sacrifices more often, rather than you making them in her place, she might start appreciating what you have been doing for her so far and give up the expectation that her life always comes before yours. You won't hold your breath though.

schmeveroni − NTA. Presumably your sister knew about this dinner more than 2 hours before it started? Why didn't she plan ahead? She's gotten comfortable relying on you for last-minute babysitting and it's a good thing you kept to your boundaries and said no so she (hopefully) realizes that she can't take advantage of you anymore.

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I could be wrong, but from the way you told it it seems like there's some favoritism towards your sister if everyone is so up in arms about her missing this one work dinner when you've sacrificed your own work and education time for her over and over.. Edit: thanks to those who pointed out her sitter cancelled, I missed that

Blue-Being22 − I would seriously Never Babysit For Her Again. She’s built up this entitlement with all her last minute shenanigans, which you’ve complied with. Now it’s time to change that dynamic entirely by not allowing it any longer. 

It’s not as if you’re getting credit for all the times you’ve moved your own plans around, you’re just getting denigrated for saying no once. One damn time!  So change it up. Make a statement about it beforehand, or not, but don’t babysit for her again. She’s lost her rights to your time by being a total AH to you. Anyone who’s giving you crap about it can babysit for her. Done. NTA.

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Jdawn82 − A lack of planning on her part doesn’t constitute an emergency on yours. Why is it always you who has to rearrange your schedule for her? Does she ever do the same for you? And why can’t your parents babysit if it’s so important? NTA.

NewComment2668 − NTA. If your parents feel a certain way about it, they need to step up and start babysitting for your sister. You did not lay down and create those children and you do not owe your sister free babysitting whenever she feels like it.

MonikerSchmoniker − Stop responding to her texts so quickly. Your career plans are JUST as important as hers - it just so happens that your career plans need this schooling.. Text: “Sis and family, I must move my career plans to the top of my priority list. I’ve invested so much of my time, effort and finances, that it would be foolish of me to sacrifice now.

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During this next semester, I won’t be available to babysit much at all, even with advance notice. I’m texting everyone now so that alternative childcare plans can be organized. Sis, I would look at that babysitting app I sent you months ago. Also, please note that I won’t be monitoring my phone as frequently as I am entering a phase when I will have very little free time. If you don’t hear from me, you’ll know why. Wish me luck!”

Jodenaje − NTA. All those people blowing up your phone could have babysat.. Your sister needs to have backup sitters besides you.

WoodlandElf90 − NTA. The entitlement of your sister!!! You have your own life, school, and exams to get ready for, and she doesn't give a rat's f**ry behind. She's selfish and has the audacity to paint you as the villain while acting like she's entitled to your time.

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OP, I'm sorry your family sucks. Ignore them and concentrate on your studies. She had other options, you didn't. The fact that she missed that important work dinner is her fault, not yours. She's the mother of those children, and finding childcare, even in an emergency situation, is her responsibility. You did nothing wrong.

QuickPossession245 − NTA. Your sister needs a deeper bench of sitters, but it is not your responsibility to put your life on hold every time she needs a babysitter.. This should be a wake-up call to your sister to find a solution. And how is your sister valuing family if she wants you to flunk an important exam for her promotion chances?

Treehousehunter − If your sister had her s**t together she would have more than one emergency babysitter option. Also, where is the father of her two kids??

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These opinions are fiery, but do they nail the issue or just add fuel to the family flames?

This grad student’s saga is a vibrant mix of ambition, obligation, and family friction, showing how one “no” can unravel entrenched expectations. Her refusal to babysit wasn’t selfish—it was survival in a packed life. Should she cave to guilt or hold her boundary? This story hits home, urging us to reflect on family roles and personal dreams. What would you do if a relative leaned too hard on your time? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this high-stakes drama!

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