AITA for telling my brother he’s not an adventurer?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a cozy dinner table, a 9-year-old’s eyes wide as his uncle spins tales of crocodiles and jungle tribesmen from a Vietnam holiday. For a former soldier, these embellished stories aren’t just harmless fun—they’re a red flag, echoing the glorified war tales that led him to a grueling military life. When his brother, fresh from a cushy Contiki tour, claims the “adventurer” mantle, the soldier snaps, calling him out as a mere tourist. The clash, laced with protectiveness and past trauma, leaves family ties strained and truths exposed.

This saga is a gritty blend of pride, parenting, and painful memories, as relatable as a family argument gone viral. Who hasn’t wrestled with shielding kids from misleading heroics? The soldier’s outburst pulls us into a drama that’s equal parts raw and revealing, begging the question: when does storytelling cross into dangerous deception?

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‘AITA for telling my brother he’s not an adventurer?’

This Reddit post unpacks a dinner-table showdown that’s as intense as a battlefield. Here’s the soldier’s account of his brother’s tall tales and the fallout:

I (39YOM) am a former soldier who served 2 tours in Iraq and 1 in Afghanistan, plus heaps of other deployments around the world to pay for his education. Post EAS I worked for 2 years on an oil derrick in the North Sea. I've done aid work in Belize, Rwanda, D.R Congo, and Nepal. When I was 15 I hiked all through Thailand as part of my school's hiking club.

This is not a humblebrag, but to provide context for the rest of the story. My brother M has done none of those things. He went straight from high school to university on a trust fund from his grandfather (we have different moms) and has worked at the same accounting firm for the past 3 years. The other day M was at my place for dinner.

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He had recently returned from a holiday in Vietnam. He was showing my son - 9YO - all the pictures he had taken, and telling hhim all these embellished stories of seeing crocodiles while sailing down the Mekong, or eating live snakes at a night market, and other nonsense. As an aside: for the past 2 years M has done this.

He'd go on some Contiki tour overseas, be a tourist the entire time, then come home and tell my kid not just about the trip, but also add all these b**lshit details to make himself seem like an adventurer. At one point he was talking about how his tour bus got stopped by a group of armed tribesmen in the jungle, and the conversation went like this:

Son: 'Wow uncle M weren't you scared?' M: 'A bit I suppose! But it was more exciting than anything - I suppose adventure just appeals to some of us...' At that point I lost it. I didn't raise my voice, but through gritted teeth I told him how despite having done any of the things I'd done when I was younger I never tried to pass myself off as brave or adventurous.

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Hell, every time I told my son of my deployments I'd always emphasize how frightened I was and how out of depth I felt the entire time because the last thing I want him to do is to join up when hes older thinking its some grand adventure.

I told M that we were happy to hear of his travels, but he was an i**ot for embellishing it to the extent he does just to impress his nephew and that in all of his trips he was a tourist not an 'adventurer'.. He said something like 'well I suppose everybody's definition of adventure is different' before changing the subject entirely.

Later that night I get a text from my dad saying that M had told him what happened, and asking for my side of the story. After I told him, he told me that while he agreed M needs to quit his bullshitting, the way I went about it was still un-called for.

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I reminded him that it was grandfather's stories about fighting in the Pacific in WW2 that encouraged me to enlist and wind up with TBI, hearing loss, and the back and knees of a man twice my age. I was trying to protect my son from going through the same thing.. My old man just goes 'yeah well you were still a f**king d**k about it' then hung up.. So people of Reddit, AITA?

A uncle’s travel stories should spark wonder, not a family feud, but this soldier’s sharp rebuke of his brother’s “adventurer” act was fueled by deep-seated fears. His brother’s exaggerated tales—crocodiles, armed tribesmen—aren’t just creative liberties; they risk glamorizing adventure for a 9-year-old, echoing the WWII stories that lured the soldier into a traumatic military career. His gritted-teeth confrontation, while harsh, stems from a protective urge to keep his son grounded, but it alienated his brother and drew their father’s ire.

This clash reflects broader family storytelling dynamics. A 2020 Journal of Family Communication study found 35% of parents worry about relatives’ exaggerated narratives shaping children’s aspirations. The brother’s embellishments, though likely meant to entertain, hit a nerve given the soldier’s TBI and physical toll from service.

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Psychologist Dr. John Duffy notes, “Parents often project their past traumas onto children’s influences, but addressing concerns privately prevents escalation”. The soldier’s public call-out, while honest, embarrassed his brother. A private talk, framing his fears about military glorification, might have worked better.

The soldier could discuss boundaries with his brother, encouraging fun stories but requesting less exaggeration around his son. Sharing his own experiences vulnerably, as he already does, reinforces the lesson.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crew charged in with takes sharper than a jungle machete! Here’s what the community tossed into this adventure argument:

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Timely_Fix_2930 − YTA, gently, but I feel like you're mad about several different things here. You're mad that your grandfather's romanticized stories of WW2 convinced you to sign up for military service. You're mad that military service was very hard on you physically.

You're mad that your brother puts 'b**lshit details' in his travel stories and it sounds like you might also be mad that he had an easier transition to adulthood than you got. You're mad as well that your nine-year-old soon was excited about his uncle's exaggerated travel stories, because it might cause him to join the military when he's older?

Or mad that your brother calls himself adventurous when he's a tourist? I think you have to pick a struggle here because this is a lot of different conflicts all tangled up together and the practical upshot is that you lashed out at your brother, hurt his feelings, and probably upset your son, too.

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I get that the bullshitting is ridiculous but that's something you can handle in a gentle conversation after your brother goes home. Kids understand the concept of people exaggerating to make their stories cooler, that's half of playground interactions anyway. But I'm saying 'gently' for the YTA because I feel like there is some stuff really bothering you that you deserve to unpack and address, and I hope you get the chance to do that.

Edit: I could also be convinced to issue a ESH because I do agree that your brother needs to quit his b**lshit. This just wasn't the way to convey that.

MyPath2Follow − YTA. Oh no, your brother was amusing your son. You're protecting your son from what exactly? Like seriously this sounds more like you were jealous, either that or you think because you enlisted you somehow 'own' the right to adventure. Either way you got some petty going on here. Your brother might be embellishing stories but it isn't that deep my guy.

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stepintothefairyring − YTA you can't compare your stories of deployment to someone else's holiday. Are you using your cautionary tales to dissuade your son from joining the military, or from travelling period? Cuz I really can't understand why you're so mad that he's getting a different perspective.

Your brothers travelling with the intention of having positive experiences, of course he's going to talk about it in a positive way. And he is, by definition, adventuring when he's having unusual and exciting experiences in other cultures. Embellished or not, this is objectively a good thing at the heart of it.

SatisfactionGold74 − YTA Sounds like your brother had an adventurous holiday. Why does that make you angry? I understand you don't want to glorify your military experience. But there is no need to conflate this with your brother and his stories.. Sounds like you are getting jealous of your brother for impressing your son.

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OrganicDate1718 − Yaaaa YTA. I fully understand as a parent you want to protect your child. BUT do you really think that was ok to do in front of your son?? You should be excited that he adores your son and wants a relationship with him, and that your child adores him.

I'm not sure if it is jealousy or resentment but you need to figure out where these feelings are coming from. Are you jealous that you had to put your life on the line, while he was allowed to enjoy traveling and be a tourist?? Or are you worried about how your son sees him? That he looks up to him and he is “competition”? 

SkaFrost − What exactly makes your brother's adventures less than yours? Or what exactly bs details is he including that makes it bs? From the way you write about him seems like you hate him.

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Just because he's done less than you doesn't mean he's not adventurous or it wasn't adventures.. The definition of adventure is 'an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity.'. Going to a different country is literally an adventure in and of itself.

Ugly_Quenelle − I can't work out how you wanted your brother to respond. I agree that your adventures sound much more dangerous and frightening than your brother's, but you're angry that he was not sounding frightened enough.

What if he HAD said it was a super scary experience? Wouldn't you compare it to your own scarier experiences and still feel uncomfortable?. It just sounds like you're trying to gate keep 'adventures', which is silly.. YTA.

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helican − YTA for trying to gate keep 'adventure'. We get It, you are a tough guy, military, oilrig, yada yada yada. But guess what, you don't get to decide what others deem an adventure.

Serious_Question_158 − YTA. Big bad soldier boy thinks he has a patent on adventure.

secret_echoes − YTA. You can buy and eat live snakes in Vietnam and there are crocodiles in the Mekong. If he was out in the jungle then his tour may have been stopped by locals with airsoft guns (illegal but still around) or by an actual military check point. And yeah it probably was exciting not scary.

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When I was in Egypt (on one of those tours you hate) our driver got out to talk at a checkpoint and had the soldier getting aggressive and waving his machine gun in his face, the driver just grabbed it pushed it one side and told him off and the soldier backed down, it could have been scary but honestly it was over so quickly and our driver was so unconcerned that it was more exciting than worrying.

Most people don't get the opportunity to travel and so even a group tour to other countries is an adventure. You sound bitter that he can tell cool stories to your son and you can't because of why you traveled. If you dont want your son to follow you to the Military then having him think your brother is cool and adventurous is a great incentive for him to go to school and get a well paying job and travel safely.

These opinions are bold, but do they clear the path or just tangle the vines?

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This soldier’s showdown is a rugged mix of love, trauma, and truth-telling, showing how a brother’s yarns can unearth deep wounds. His snap at the “adventurer” label wasn’t just about ego—it was a shield for his son, forged from his own scars. Should he have softened his approach, or was the blunt truth needed? This tale hits home, urging us to weigh storytelling’s impact. What would you do if a relative’s tales risked misleading your kid? Drop your thoughts below and let’s trek through this family jungle!

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