I [26F] don’t know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband’s [29M] affair

Imagine cradling a dream for your unborn daughter—a name you’ve loved for years, already whispered by your toddler to your growing belly. Now, picture that dream tainted by betrayal: your husband’s affair with a coworker who shares that very name. A 26-year-old expectant mother faces this gut-wrenching choice: keep the name she’s cherished, or let it go to escape the shadow of infidelity. Is she reclaiming her joy, or setting herself up for heartbreak?

This Reddit saga dives into the raw intersection of love, betrayal, and identity. The OP’s struggle to decide her baby’s name amid her husband’s affair has sparked a wave of empathy and advice. It’s a story of resilience, loss, and the power a name holds in a mother’s heart.

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‘I [26F] don’t know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband’s [29M] affair’

I’m not exactly sure if this falls in line with relationship advice or not but I don’t know of very many subreddits. So apologies if this is out of left field. I’m expecting my second baby this summer and had a name I absolutely loved picked out. It’s been a name I’ve had in mind before even having my first child who is 3 now.

We even had a perfect middle name to go with it. My toddler even calls the baby the name while talking to my belly. Now that I’ve recently found explicit messages between my husband and a coworker of his this has made my life completely implode.

For starters I don’t know if I will even be staying with my husband despite them both claiming it was never physical and that he has no love for her. The issue is that her name happens to be the same name I’ve been wanting to name my daughter. I’ve had no other name in mind because to me I found the perfect name.

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So do I have this name stolen from me like so much in my life right now for my possible only daughter I’ll have or keep it? I tell myself to be strong and that this was her name before their affair even started and to not let it be taken away, but on the other hand will I regret it and only be triggered of the whole thing from now on.

Choosing a baby’s name is deeply personal, but when it’s tangled with betrayal, it becomes a minefield. The OP’s attachment to the name predates the affair, rooted in years of dreaming for her daughter. Yet, the coincidence with her husband’s coworker risks turning a source of joy into a daily reminder of pain. Her hesitation to stay with her husband, coupled with doubts about the affair’s nature, adds urgency to her decision.

Dr. Elisabeth Shaw, a relationship therapist, writes in Psychology Today, “Trauma can attach to seemingly neutral triggers, like names.” A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of individuals post-infidelity report emotional triggers from everyday reminders, like names or places. The OP’s fear of regret is valid, as is her instinct to reclaim the name’s original meaning.

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Dr. Shaw advises, “Explore the decision in therapy to weigh emotional impacts.” The OP could test alternative names, perhaps involving her toddler in a gentle transition, as Reddit suggested, to ease the shift. Testing for STIs, as urged by commenters, is critical for her and the baby’s health. Keeping the name could symbolize strength, but changing it might offer a fresh start—only she can decide what feels healing. Consulting a therapist before the baby arrives could clarify her path.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rolled in like a supportive village, offering hugs and hard truths. They urged the OP to prioritize her well-being, with many suggesting a new name to avoid triggers and others encouraging her to leave her husband. From practical tips to fiery calls for independence, the comments were a vibrant mix of care and conviction. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit buzz:

tortured4w3 − I'd change it. If its already on ur mind it will always be on ur mind.

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bee102019 − 1. It was physical. 2. Leave the husband. 3. Change the name. 4. Live your best life.

MckittenMan − I wouldn't name my child after someone my spouse cheated on me with. Sucks at the coincidence. But I would scrap the name and pick out a new one. Every time I think of my kids name I will be reminded of the incident and be a daily reminder. Too close to home for that one myself. Its like dating someone who has the same name as your mom or dad... Sometimes the name alone is too weird to get past.

Neacha − WOW! Your husband sucks!

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ThrowRAmarriage13 − I read another post about a guy whose child’s name was the name of his wife’s affair partner (unbeknownst to him). He didn’t get over it. Nobody can speak for you. I would think about this in the long term. Would you want this name to trigger you 5 years from now? Do you even think this name will trigger you 5 years from now?

You don’t know if you’re going to stay with your husband or not. I’ve seen people retriggered by something so small after their partner was unfaithful. I would hate for it to be your daughter over a name and I’m sure so would you. Find a therapist and talk this whole situation out with them before baby gets here. Wishing you all the best.

boesisboes − New name, and new baby gets your last name too.

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CloudBuilder44 − I think now that you have a negative association with the name you should definitely change it. I just wouldnt want to be reminded of my ex husband’s affair partner everytime I call my daughter for lunch. But hey you do you. Its just me, im more of an out of mind out of sight type of person.

StringBBean − I would 1. Ditch him 2. Ditch the name. 3. Look up 'girl names that mean.... (free, new life, etc..) You might be surprised at what you find. I wish you the best rest of your life. 🙏🏽

wishingforarainyday − Please get tested. It was likely physical. Some STIs are especially dangerous for your baby.you and your kids deserve better and I hope you leave your husband.. Choose a different name. I’m sorry OP.. Updateme

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Disappointment_Slime − Only you will be able to know if your brain will haunt you with your husbands disrespect or not. Once you meet her, I think you'll have your answer. It's a good idea to look for alternatives just in case, but you don't have to decide yet.

It's possible your love for her will overshadow that painful coincidence. Please know that it is *not* a failing of yours or your love for her if the reminder is too strong. I'm so sorry you're facing this dilemma right now.

f you want to help your 3yo with the potential name change, you can maybe involve them by asking what their ideas for a potential name might be. Eta: just to explicitly state: this does *not* mean the 3yo has naming privileges, obviously, and most likely will have zero impact on actual name options/decisions
These Redditors didn’t hold back, cheering the OP’s strength while dissecting her dilemma. But do their heartfelt takes capture the full weight of this naming crossroads, or are they just adding to the emotional load?

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The OP’s naming dilemma isn’t just about a word—it’s about reclaiming her power in a life upended by betrayal. Whether she keeps the name to honor her original dream or chooses a new one for a clean slate, her choice will shape her healing journey. This saga reminds us that names carry stories, and sometimes, rewriting them is the bravest act. Have you ever had to rethink a meaningful choice after a betrayal? Share your story—let’s keep the convo rolling!

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