My boyfriend (20M) posted me (22M) on his instagram story for my birthday and it didn’t go so well

Imagine the glow of a birthday fading into a gut-punch betrayal: a 22-year-old guy spots his boyfriend’s Instagram story, captioned with a sweet “Happy Birthday to my favorite Aquarius,” only to later uncover a lie that shatters their bond. When a curious DM asks if they’re a couple, the boyfriend replies, “No, no, no, just a friend from school.” Flirty messages with another guy seal the deal, and the birthday boy walks out. Was his swift exit a justified stand, or an overreaction to a messy moment?

This Reddit saga dives into the sting of deception in a young romance. The OP’s discovery of his boyfriend’s double-dealing, paired with flimsy excuses, turned a celebratory day into a breakup. It’s a story of trust torched by a few keystrokes, leaving us to wonder how far loyalty should stretch in love.

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‘My boyfriend (20M) posted me (22M) on his instagram story for my birthday and it didn’t go so well’

A couple of months ago my bf posted me for my birthday with the caption saying happy birthday to my favorite Aquarius, with a couple of cute pictures of us. My bf is out of the closet but doesn’t like to publish our relationship so he didn’t put anything obvious to show we’re a couple, but it’s obvious.

Fast forward to tonight I was at his dorm and he wanted to introduce me to his friends. So he went down to his friends dorm to go grab them and left his phone in the room.Normally I wouldn’t go though his phone but lately I’ve been having this weird feeling he was messaging someone else.

So I opened his phone and instagram was open. I went to the messages and the first account on top was some guy. I went through the messages and my stomach dropped. The first thing I saw was them flirting and complementing each other, but as I scrolled up more wanted to cry.

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The day he posted that story of us, the guy who he was flirting with slide up and asked my him is that your boyfriend? My boyfriend’s response was “no no no, that’s just my friend from school. I was so hurt. What was more devastating was we were together that whole day when he sent those message.

And 3 NOs is crazyyyyy. Like once was enough. Anyways once I seen those messages I took a picture of them and packed all my stuff to leave before he got back to the dorm. I wanted to confront him right then and there,

but I’m not a very confrontational person and you have to remember his friends were coming up So I definitely didnt want them to get involved with any of it. I turned my location off and went home and he texted me is everything all right. I haven’t responded yet. I don’t know how to go about this. And advice would be appreciated:).

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Update. Kind of a long Update. I read though a lot of the comments and yes I’m fine and in a safe environment. And to the comments saying I’m wrong for going through his phone… I’m glad I did. I had a gut feeling for a whole month before this and my gut feeling is rarely wrong.

most people wanted me to just send the pictures then block him or text him back saying well we’re just friends so why does it matter to you how I feel. But I just wanted to know why he did this so I didn’t end up blocking him.

So Before I sent the screenshot of him and dudes conversation I sent a list of things “friends from school” typically wouldn’t do with each other. This included things like writing love letters to each other, cooking together, Fuking, introduced each other to family etc…. Just a few things.

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He was confused so I sent him the other guys profile picture on instagram and told him to go though their message explain what’s there. the first thing he said was oh that’s so and so, he’s like “family to me” Me and him grew up together and our parents were in the same sorority.

I texted back say idc about any of that I want to know what the messages say. He responded saying whatever you saw I can clear it up to you. I laughed at that message. I asked him why was he flirting with this guy and tryna make plans to see each other. What he said next really pissed me off.

He told me I was immature and childish for leaving and not bringing it up when it happened. I then told him I don’t like confrontation and he knows this. I was shaking when I saw the messages so I definitely wasn’t going to be able to hold a conversation with him WHILE his friends were there too.

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And then the excuse began. He gave me a total of 3 excuses. They just kept falling apart and getting worse. I was so mad about this one, but the excuse he used for why he told the guy me and him were just friends was because his so called family friend DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS GAY.!!! And didn’t want him telling his family! I was more mad that he didn’t have a better excuse.

LIKE WHAT do you mean he doesn’t know you’re gay, YOUR FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER. HE KNOWS YOUR GAY. Like it’s not hard to tell. And when I say flirting it was stuff like “when can I get my hug” bf responded “oh your want more then just a hug👀” like what. So I responded saying he knows you’re gay.

Everyone does. So you lying and saying he’s gonna tell your family is a joke like cmon. He kept saying no you don’t get it and no you just don’t understand my family….. I texted back saying if he wanted to out you he could do it right now for all we know. BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOUR GAY.

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I then texted him saying what makes this worse is you said his “family” to you. Like that’s disgusting. After he used his brain cells and realized that excuse was terrible he switched up real quick and After some back and forth messages the next excuse came through, Drumroll…………

The reason he flirted with him was to “get him out of my dms” now this is when I had to take a pause and ask my friends if I’m the “childish and immature one” I responded saying you don’t flirt with someone to get them away…. It’s the complete opposite.

You flirt so you can lead to something. he said well that’s reason and he stood by that. I was so mad cuz WHAT. My sister can make better excuses. The last excuse was all the flirting didn’t mean anything to him so it didn’t matter. At this point I didn’t care what he was saying I was mad at everything. I asked him if he was going to ever tell me and this guy and he said no because he didn’t see it as flirting or anything serious.

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That’s all I needed to hear to know this wasn’t going to work out. He then pleaded with me saying he would block the guy and delete his entire instagram. Which is such a lie, if you know him you know he’s very photogenic. A part of me thinks he cares about his ig following more than he did with this relationship. I blocked him :)

Discovering your partner’s flirting and denying your relationship is like finding a crack in the foundation of your home—it’s not just a flaw; it’s a collapse waiting to happen. The OP’s boyfriend didn’t just slip; he sprinted over boundaries, flirting with another guy and dismissing their bond with a triple “no.” His excuses—claiming the other guy didn’t know he was gay or that flirting was a tactic to deflect—range from absurd to insulting, eroding trust beyond repair.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a relationship expert, wrote in Psychology Today, “Transparency is the cornerstone of fidelity.” The boyfriend’s secrecy violates this, as a 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 65% of couples cite hidden communications as a primary betrayal. The OP’s decision to leave aligns with Dr. Glass’s advice: “Exit relationships where trust is consistently broken.”

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The OP’s non-confrontational nature made texting a safer way to address the issue, and blocking the boyfriend was a healthy boundary. He could share the truth with close friends for support, ensuring he’s not isolated. Moving forward, trusting his gut, as he did here, will guide him toward partners who value honesty. The boyfriend’s loss is the OP’s gain in self-respect.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit rolled in like a squad of loyal pals, dishing out hugs and hard truths. They cheered the OP’s exit, slamming the boyfriend’s lies and urging a clean break. From snarky suggestions to send the damning screenshots to calls for blocking everyone involved, the comments were a fiery mix of support and shade. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit buzz:

Wanderful-Woman − I am sorry this happened to you. I would just send him the pics of his messages with the other guy and then block him on everything. Don’t let him try to explain or apologize or anything.

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queueuewerty − I’m sorry that happened to you. That sucks. I definitely think you should tell him that you found out that he’s talking to someone else and that this is over for you and it’s not going to work. If you’re worried about him coming to your dorm, you can alert an RA but I think you’ll be fine.

sicklilevillildonkey − Yeah that hurts so bad

Dimsen89 − It hurts a lot but also remember that he did a HUGE favour to you. You saw that early on and you didn’t invest years into the relationship. You will come across a lot of trash that you need to weed out until you find the one that speaks to your heart and means it.

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Ok_Introduction9466 − I’m sorry this happened to you. He’s a cheater and you can’t take him back. I think you handled it perfectly. You can ghost from here or send him the picture you took and block him. You’ll meet someone better I promise.

itspinoblauwevogel − See what he has to say for himself and let him explain or dig the hole even deeper. Whatever you do: dump & move on.. This sucks!

CharlizeTheronNSFW − I've been there. I'd just block him on everything and text the photo right before you leave for the day, so if he shows up crying, you won't be there.

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DesperateToNotDream − I would text him “According to you, I’m not your boyfriend so I’m not anymore”

shulthlacin − Not that this is a good idea or anything but in the picture you took probably at the top of the Instagram dm says the guy’s username right? Personally what id do would be to find a dm with your boyfriend saying he loves you or something else and screenshot it, send it to the other guy and say “yeah, we were together but he’s all yours now”.

I wouldn’t message ex boyfriend again tho. [ Edit: Add on ] I had just woken up when I read this post and was initially angry for OP. Now that I’m out of work for the day and I’m revisiting this post, I still think the other guy should be informed but probably in a less hostile manner.

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You’re probably not comfortable with having a full conversation with him OP so maybe a “yeah we were dating but not anymore after I saw his dms with you” and just leave it at that. Maybe block the other guy after doing that and let it be that.

Unfriendly_Giraffe − You kids with sharing your location constantly is absolutely a wild idea for me; an old person. Anyways, this relationships is over. You can message him with: '**no, no, no; and now you're just a friend from school, too'.**

These Redditors didn’t hold back, rallying for the OP while torching the boyfriend’s excuses. But do their bold takes capture the full heartbreak of this Instagram betrayal, or are they just fanning the flames?

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The OP’s breakup wasn’t just about a few flirty DMs—it was a stand for his worth in a relationship that turned sour. His boyfriend’s denial and deceit turned a birthday post into a breakup manifesto, proving that trust, once broken, isn’t easily patched. This saga reminds us that gut feelings often lead to hard truths. Have you ever uncovered a partner’s betrayal through a single message? Share your story—let’s keep the convo rolling!

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