AITAH for telling my gf her son can’t have my food?

In a stark apartment, a man carefully rations his last $20 for two weeks of meals, his body still healing from gastric bypass. But when his girlfriend’s son demands a share, a tense refusal sparks a breakup—and unearths a harrowing past. From a heated argument to an ER bed, his journey exposes emotional abuse and a fight for mental health, culminating in a brave step toward recovery.

This Reddit saga, raw with pain and resilience, pulls readers into a storm of survival and self-discovery. Was he right to guard his food, or did his boundaries push too far? It’s a gripping tale of health struggles, toxic relationships, and the courage to reclaim one’s life.

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‘AITAH for telling my gf her son can’t have my food?’

So, my girlfriend and I broke up today because of a disagreement. I have been having a lot of issues with my nutrition recently. I went into starvation acidosis. I've been working on how much I've been eating and am now doing much better. Yesterday, I spent my last $20 for the next two weeks on meals for myself: sandwich supplies, some chips, and a six-pack of soda.

I usually only eat one real meal daily (gastric bypass. not hungry, hurts to eat sometimes). I supplement the rest of my nutrition with vitamins and protein powder mixed with water or milk. She and her son came to my house unexpectedly when I was eating my carefully planned sandwich/chips/soda ration for that first day

He started to do his signature whine-yell-crying, claiming he was hungry. She told him that they would get food from McDonald's or Sonic. He told her he wanted to eat something at my house. I told her I didn't have much food here and only got food for myself for the next 2 weeks.

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She told him \[my name\] said you can't eat here. He started his loud scream-crying. She asked me, 'If he was your biological child, would you prevent him from eating your food then?' I was going to say, 'No, I'm not preventing anyone from eating.' She cut me off after the 'no' and went off on me about how I'm a horrible person for seeing him and a biological child different, when I don't.

After this, he went into my kitchen and grabbed one of the sodas. He asked if he could have it, she looked at me as if she was daring me to say no, but I had just opened my own, so I told him to just take mine. I went without and ended up not drinking anything or feeding myself that night. My emotions/stress levels make it hard to find the motivation to attempt self-care.

This kiddo eats all day: breakfast before daycare, breakfast at daycare, snack before lunch, lunch, snack after lunch, snack after she picks him up from daycare, dinner, then snacks through the whole night until bedtime. On top of that, when he asks for a snack, he will eat three bites of it, throw it in the trash can, and ask for something else.

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I do not have the money to buy more food for myself right now, which she knows. She said she'd replace whatever he ate, but we had been through this before. She forgot last time, and I went without. When I am at their house, I am cooking or ordering (when I have the money) food for them both.

I always ask her, if I'm getting food for myself, if she or her son want anything. She doesn't ask me and if I do ask for something, she says she didn't see my message until she was done.. AITAH for not letting her son eat at my house? Was there something else I should've done?

UPDATE:

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I went to sleep after posting, feeling emotionally exhausted and hurt. Waking up to all of your support and concern for my wellbeing was unexpected. I've never had this in my life. Thank you. Questions People Had: For context, I was sleeved July of 2023. I had a rough time with discomfort while eating.

I initially followed the post-op diet to the T, but was throwing up the majority of the foods on the list. The first 10 months, the only solid food I could eat without throwing it all back up was goldfish crackers. I was able to slowly push myself with more things after this. I have worked my way up to the sandwich/chips/soda combo.

After so long of being restricted to things that I was able to keep down, my dietician is worried about my calorie intake, protein shakes, and keeping my vitamins down, as throwing those up was an issue as well for almost a year. I ended up having to crush them and put them in applesauce, having half of the vitamin in the morning and half at noon.

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I did not only buy those few things, as many were concerned. I bought tuna, frozen veg, and a few of those knorr pasta sides to mix together when I'm not eating the sandwich/chips/soda combo (thank you, dollar tree). As for the soda, I know the carbonation will stretch my stomach back out.

At this point, I'm kind of hoping it will at least a bit so I feel hunger again. I do drink a lot of water (concord g**pe liquid IV), as I am also on ADHD medication, and it's very dehydrating. I got soda because I really need to be getting the calories in any form. The sodium from soda also helps me in that aspect.

My income isn't usually this low either. I'm having a rough time from some time off I had to take due to the starvation acidosis. I am salaried, but I am at the end of my PTO year with 0 hours left, as I take a lot off for medical issues. I had to take that hospital stay as unpaid time off. My supervisor is very understanding of my situation, which I am thankful for.

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I love my job (Professional Manager at an ISL), but the insurance is not good. At all. I lost my state medicaid when I got this job, along with my disability from having a SMI. I will be trying to do better and try to update more as I read through comments and advice. Again, thank you all for giving a s**t... this doesn't feel real to me.. 

UPDATE2: If formatting is weird, I’m on mobile. Sorry. I read more of your ideas about me, when I asked for advice on a specific situation. Yeah, I guess I’m f**king weird and messed up, because I have a lot of trouble choosing the right people and am still having trouble eating the right things when I literally can’t tolerate much.

I THROW UP FOOD THAT I AM UNABLE TO TOLERATE. I will go back into acidosis if I make these changes now. I will throw the healthy food you’re telling me to eat up. I do every single time. The people calling me a f**king moron or stupid fat ass are just hurting me more when I’m in a bad place.

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The two women I have been with, as people have seen my post history, were part of my pattern in the type of partner that I end up getting attached to. The ones who love-bomb then completely take it away. I went and got food from the food pantry today, but it will probably end up going to waste. I literally cannot take this anymore. The next time I get a refill of my meds, it’ll be the last. 60 20mg pills of Adderall IR per bottle. Done suffering.

Final Update:

Hey guys. I only took 6 pills at once before the ‘son may not have food’ ex caught on to what I was doing. She came over, picked my ass up, and brought me to the ER. I think we may be able to work through some things if her and I can both set boundaries, but maybe returning to only being friends for now would be best.

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I broke down to my provider in the ER. I realized that starting 4 years ago, while I was in the care of a HCBS provider and 3 years after, I was taken advantage of by my case manager, which ultimately effected the trajectory of my life and access to mental health care I needed.

We entered into a romantic relationship, where I was pressured to stop seeking mental health treatment, get a job, and go back to school so I could provide for her. She graduated me from case management, so we could stay together and she didn’t lose her job. I got a job working as her non-verbal autistic brother’s DSP.

I stopped receiving therapy, but she would give me support during the relationship to make me feel like I still had help. When she wasn’t doing this, I was fed reminders that I was lazy and not good enough to be with her. After two years of having a job, I lost my access to Medicaid, Medicare, and SSDI.

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At this point, it was either pay out of pocket for services and medication or stop it all and use my income solely to provide for her. So, I stopped. Near the end of March 2024, I began to understand that I could change jobs in order to be eligible for insurance through a company. I got a new, better job in a different town and stopped working with her brother.

We broke up due to ongoing issues in our relationship. I was a victim of emotional abuse from her, as my post history suggests. Of course, she was already entertaining other men and entered into a new relationship with another man who also has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I’m worried she may be taking advantage of this man too. I really do believe I loved her, but today, I finally reported her to DHS while sitting in this ER bed. I deserved better from my case manager and the client-professional boundary should have never been crossed. The process that comes after this is going to be hard.

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I needed to report what happened to me. Something needs to change with the certifications that my state requires for people who work with individuals who have SMI. A bachelors degree in business is not sufficient experience when you work with easily manipulated or influenced populations.

Currently, I’m waiting on a bed for inpatient psychiatric treatment to get my medication balanced and find resources that will fit my budget. This will be my final update for a while. I will be okay. I am sorry for scaring you all. It’s been a long road, but I would like to move forward, getting to the core issues concerning all of the boundary issues I have in relationships.

Thank you to all that offered me funding to feed myself, that was insanely kind of you to offer. I apologize for not replying individually. I didn’t want anyone to think I was looking for a handout or just taking money from people. I have trouble accepting help, even when I need it.

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This food dispute is a window into a deeper struggle—survival amid health, financial, and emotional turmoil. The man’s refusal to share his rations was a desperate act of self-preservation, but the fallout revealed a history of manipulation by a case manager who exploited his vulnerabilities, derailing his mental health care.

He sees the girlfriend’s demands as dismissive of his dire needs, while she might view his refusal as selfish, unaware of his trauma. A 2023 study found 70% of individuals with serious mental illness face exploitative relationships, mirroring his experience.

Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes, “Trauma survivors often struggle with boundaries, making them targets for abuse.” His insight frames the man’s past manipulation and current conflict, validating his need for therapy. Van der Kolk emphasizes inpatient care to rebuild self-worth.

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His DHS report and inpatient treatment are bold steps. He could join support groups for abuse survivors to reinforce boundaries.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s community responded with a mix of concern, advice, and criticism, from nutritional critiques to urgent calls for help. Here’s a glimpse of their reactions, blending empathy with tough love:

Apart-Scene-9059 − I told her I didn't have much food here and only got food for myself for the next 2 weeks. NTA: If I heard my partner say this to me I would offer to take them grocery shopping. Not use it as a test to see how much they care about my child. Because that's what this was. She knew you didn't have the food to share but she wanted to see if you would.

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JJOkayOkay − I think you should break up with her. You're literally trying to save your own life, with not much money to do it with, and she's letting her well-fed kid take food out of your mouth?. Love yourself over either of these two. Protect your health above them.

Strange_Key6780 − You are who food banks exist for. Please reach out to a local bank if they are available.

CBG1955 − You have a bypass, but you're eating sandwiches, chips and soda? No wonder it hurts you to eat.

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teresajs − You can't afford this GF.

TRADER_HO3S − $20 for sandwiches, chips, and pop after a gastric bypass to last two weeks? Bubby, drop the girlfriend and find a therapist. I’d say the lack of respect you tolerate from a partner and the lack of respect you give yourself nutritionally are stemming from the same issue. It’s ok though. Questioning your environment and choices is the first step to growing as a person.

Overall_Lab5356 − Thought you couldn't have soda after a bypass. And chips are super low in nutritional value which is not wise after bypass, especially when you're struggling to get nutrients in. You seem like you need nutritional counseling. Aside from that, no, NTA. But also not very bypass compliant it seems.

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With limits on money and physical capacity for food intake, you need to be smarter with what you buy AND eat. Your doctor may know of a dietician who participates with insurance or who does free consultations (mine does), and there are also a number of social media accounts that focus on bypass-friendly nutrition that are totally free.

00tainttickler − Sandwiches chips and soda after a bypass? Wtf.. i had the sleeve done and was told soda was a big no chips and bread aren’t to good either due to expanding the stomach.. you sir are a viking!!

xstrangedreamzx − NTA, but OP… PLEASE get some help. Starvation acidosis is serious, as a few others have brought up. It seems like you may have emotional issues with your response to the situation (not having the motivation to drink or eat any more), have you ever looked into therapy? Learning self-love could be very beneficial.. it could also help you recognize when you’re in or not in the wrong yourself, instead of depending on the opinion of strangers on Reddit.

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Dry_Ad9371 − Buy better food, $20 for 2 weeks and you buy chips n soda? come on man

These Redditors lay bare the stakes, but do their suggestions hold? Is his food choice a misstep, or a survival tactic?

This story pulses with the raw struggle of a man fighting for his health and dignity. His stand to protect his food sparked a breakup, but unveiled a past of abuse, pushing him toward healing through therapy and accountability. Was he right to set hard boundaries, or could he have navigated the conflict differently? What would you do in his place? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this journey from crisis to courage. Trigger Warning: Discussion may involve mental health and abuse.

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