AITAH for not taking my children an extra day per week outside of the custody agreement?

In the sticky heat of a Florida summer, a divorced mom juggles four kids and a 60/40 custody split, only to face a new demand: keep the children an extra day each week because her ex is “too exhausted” from work. Initially, she agreed, recalling his weary days, but his relentless pettiness and meager child support flipped the script, leading her to draw a hard line—court or nothing.

This Reddit saga, brimming with co-parenting grit, pulls readers into a tug-of-war over fairness and responsibility. Her stand sparks a question: is she right to demand a formal fix, or should she keep the peace for the kids? It’s a raw slice of post-divorce life, where boundaries clash with old ties.

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‘AITAH for not taking my children an extra day per week outside of the custody agreement?’

Divorced for 1 year with 60/40 custody of our 4 kids. Ex asked i would keep the kids an extra day during the week every week for the whole summer. He works outside with a very physical job and said that he can’t parent well when he’s so exhausted. At first, I agreed because I remember how whipped he would be coming home in the summer (we live in Florida).

After he was a major jerk for the eleventh million time and extreme pettiness over the kids cell phones, including name calling and bashing me, I decided that I’m done doing him favors. I let him know that if wants to adjust the time share, we would have to go back to court and child support would need to be adjusted accordingly.. AITAH for this?

Edit to add: He’s always been a decent father and the kids are happy and safe with him. Side note: I have 4 kids and he pays less than $900 per month in child support. It doesn’t even cover groceries and he refuses to assist with any of their expenses outside of the court ordered expenses: summer camp and extra curricular activities like sports, cheer, etc.,

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This custody clash isn’t just about an extra day—it’s a battle over fairness in the messy aftermath of divorce. The mother’s refusal to absorb more parenting without adjusted support reflects her struggle to balance her kids’ needs with her ex’s demands. His exhaustion is real, but so is her burden.

She sees his request as unfair, especially given his low $900/month child support and refusal to cover extras like sports. He might view the extra day as a temporary relief, not grasping its financial toll on her. A 2023 report notes 40% of custodial parents receive insufficient support, often straining single-parent households.

Family therapist Dr. Gary Chapman says, “Co-parenting thrives on mutual respect, not unilateral demands.” His insight highlights the ex’s failure to negotiate fairly, pushing her to protect her resources. Chapman suggests clear agreements to prevent resentment.

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She could propose a temporary summer adjustment with proportional support increases, documented via a co-parenting app.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of practical tips and righteous indignation. Here’s a snapshot of the community’s reactions, from calls for court action to sly digs at the ex’s motives:

Sassrepublic − If he can’t do the amount of custody he has, then the agreement *should* be officially amended. Honestly that’s not even a question and it’s certainly not a moral quandary. It’s just math. His job doesn’t allow for the amount of custody he has and he’s not interested in finding another job, then yes you get more time and the support order is updated to reflect the split.

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If he gets a new job, or to a place in his current career, that allows for more time then you should all go back to court and modify the order for equal time. But it’s up to him to get a place where he can have them more. And if it’s just going to be a summer thing where he has them less, you can an order that says that too. 

Duke-Blue910 − NTA. I know everyone wants to do the best they can for the kids but let’s be real, he is likely just trying to “live a little” while paying you the same for child support. So he will get a 70/30 for the price of 60/40. Too tired?

Should have thought of that before you became a parent. Parenting is tough but divorce makes it even tougher. I say stand your ground and he will stop trying to take advantage of you. It will also make him a better parent probably. You would be surprised what you can do if you HAVE to.

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Super_Hour_3836 − I'm gonna take a wild guess that he's never done 50/50 parenting in his entire life but he fought hard to get more hours in the divorce to save money. He needs to pay you for the cost of having the kids for more days.

It's that simple. And he can pay you hourly as needed or he can adjust it with the court formally.  He makes choices. A lot of single parents are exhausted and they figure it out. If he can't, he needs custody reduced hours.

Zealousideal_Wish578 − NTAH. Im a guy tell him yea if he agrees to child support modification so you can get more money for the extra days. Lets see how tired he is when he has to fork over more money in child support. 🙂

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Mean-Impress2103 − This is a common tactic. Push for as close to 50/50 custody to eliminate or lower child support as much as possible and then flake often. Most moms never amend the custody agreement formally so now the father gets to pay very little and parent very little. Best of both worlds for them. Nta 

PerspectiveKookie16 − “said that he can’t parent well when he’s so exhausted.”. Hope he said this in text or on a voicemail so you have it for custody records.. Use one of the apps for all communication so there are records.

Ok_Homework8692 − I'm curious, did he offer to adjust the child support payment for the extra time?

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Ready_Willingness_82 − NTA. One way or the other he has to take responsibility. Either he makes his current arrangement work or he agrees to have it formally adjusted.

Plantscoffeeteaa − NTA but I would take them anyway because I wouldn’t want my kids around someone who deals with conflict that way as much as I could help it. Maybe just use it to go back to court and get a solid 70/30 on paper.

PassComprehensive425 − NTA Kids are expensive, and groceries for an extra day add up. And yes, they do exhaust you. But if you have to pay for more groceries, utilities, entertainment, medical care, etc; then your ex needs to pay up. I bet the ex has the energy to go out with his friends when the kids are in your care. And he is paying for drinks and other things if he goes out.

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These Redditors lay it bare, but do their takes hit the mark? Is court the only path, or could a compromise work?

This story simmers with the tension of co-parenting after divorce. The mom’s refusal to take on extra days without fair support is a stand for her kids and herself, but it risks escalating conflict. Was she right to push for court, or should she have bent for the kids’ sake? What would you do in this sticky situation? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this parenting puzzle!

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