[UPDATE] AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Two years ago, a determined 18-year-old clutched the keys to their first car, plotting a getaway with their younger sister to escape a home where caregiving overshadowed everything. Their high-needs sister, Macy, was the family’s sun, leaving them and their sibling, Missy, orbiting in her shadow. When their parents pushed to include Macy in the trip, they drew a line in the sand, sparking a clash that echoed far beyond that weekend. Now, with college, therapy, and newfound freedom, they’re sharing the aftermath. For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?

This Reddit update is a raw reflection on breaking free from family expectations. The OP’s journey from a guilt-ridden teen to a young adult carving their own path is a testament to the power of boundaries. It’s a story of love, loss, and learning to choose oneself—without apology. Did they find the balance they sought, or just trade one struggle for another?

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‘[UPDATE] AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?’

UPDATE: Almost two years later. Hey, so… I forgot I even made this post until I was going through old screenshots. Life got busy, a lot happened, and I never came back to update. But since the post reached a lot of people and honestly helped me more than I expected, I figured I’d share how things turned out.

Yes, Missy and I went on our trip. It was amazing. Just the two of us, blasting music, grabbing fast food, staying up late talking, and doing normal sibling stuff without pressure. We both really needed it. I told my parents Macy wasn’t coming. They weren’t thrilled, especially my dad, but they didn’t stop us.

When I got home, we had a real conversation. I told them everything: how I felt invisible growing up, how Missy was starting to feel the same way, and how our whole world revolved around Macy. I said I wouldn’t be her future caregiver. That was when their tone changed. They said Macy would always be their priority.

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That told me everything I needed to know. A few days later, I moved out. It wasn’t dramatic; we all kind of quietly agreed it was time. I started college early and finally got some space. College has been life-changing. I started therapy, which helped me work through guilt and stress I didn’t realize I had.

I’ve made new friends and started figuring out who I am outside of my family. I still go home sometimes. I still love Macy. That was never the issue. I just needed to choose myself too. Missy’s doing better now. She’s more vocal and plans to leave for college soon. My parents and I are civil, but it’s different.

They’ve started looking into long-term care options for Macy, and they know I won’t be stepping into that role. Thanks to everyone who read or commented on the original post. You helped more than you know. If you’re going through something similar, just know you’re not selfish. Choosing yourself is okay.

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Stepping out of a family’s caregiving vortex is like surfacing for air after a deep dive. The OP’s refusal to include Macy on the trip wasn’t just about one weekend—it was a rebellion against a lifetime of being an afterthought. Their parents’ admission that Macy would “always be their priority” crystallized the imbalance, pushing the OP to redefine their role. Moving out and starting therapy marked a pivot toward self-preservation, a choice many in similar situations struggle to make.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist, notes in Psychology Today, “Siblings of disabled children often face ambiguous loss—grieving the attention they never received.” The OP and Missy’s feelings of invisibility align with this, with a 2022 study in Family Relations reporting that 65% of such siblings experience chronic resentment. The OP’s therapy likely helped unpack this, fostering resilience. Their boundary-setting echoes Dr. Boss’s advice: “Clarify your role to avoid being consumed by family needs.”

The parents’ shift toward long-term care planning for Macy is a belated but critical step. Respite care and group homes, often subsidized, can ease their load without burdening siblings. The OP’s civil but distant relationship with their parents reflects a healthy detachment, prioritizing their mental health. For others in this bind, Dr. Boss suggests open dialogue and professional support to navigate guilt and duty. The OP’s story shows that choosing oneself isn’t selfish—it’s survival.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit rolled in like a supportive squad, tossing out cheers and sharp insights. They applauded the OP’s courage, with some side-eyeing the parents’ lopsided priorities. From warnings about future guilt-trips to heartfelt nods to the OP’s growth, the comments were a lively mix of fist-bumps and tough love. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit buzz:

StAlvis − They said Macy would always be their priority. I eyebrow-raised a bit when I saw in your old post that your parents had Macy **_first_** and then *still* kept choosing to have more children.

lady-scorpio-45 − How sad that your parents couldn’t realize that they can value all their children for who they are as individuals and not just how two can revolve around one. I have a feeling they’ll start to wake up a bit as you grow up more and have bigger, adult milestones to celebrate. Ones that Macy can’t possibly have. If they do try to involve themselves more in your life at some point, don’t feel like you have to let them in! You deserve to be loved with no strings attached.

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IAmTAAlways − Good update, I'm glad your sister is okay too.

trashsquirrels − I hope you and Missy know you are worthy of unconditional love, support and respect. Not simply because you are seen as another parent to Macy or because you are a contingency plan for her care. You deserve full lives where your future is your choice and not a set plan devised by your parents.. It is amazing you set boundaries and held to them. Be so very proud of yourself. And enjoy college!

Consistent-Primary41 − I don't get these people like your parents. When you have a child that age, you're at the point where they're looking for a residential setting full/part-time in their teens.. They get too big, too strong, too hormonal, too emotional, too irrational, etc for laymen and family to handle.. This child can still be a priority and be put in an environment where they can have better carers.

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Redcheeks3 − I’m so happy that you get to live the life you want and that you’re leading your sister down the same path of self fulfillment. It will benefit you both in the long term. Good luck, and stay strong. 

silent_reader2024 − Just make sure your parents understand that they can make Macy their priority, but that comes with consequences. When they're old and need assistance, they will not be your priority because you were never theirs.

I can almost guarantee when they get too old to handle Macy and need help around the house or going to appointments, when one parent passes before the other , they will reach out to you for help spouting that 'family helps family' and you 'owe them'.

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Sweet_Vanilla46 − Macy will always be their priority. Good grief, so they are irresponsible parents. If you have 3 kids, you have 3 priorities. You may have to prioritize each in a different way, but they are all important and all priorities.

ShotTreacle8209 − Many times parents will have more children after giving birth to a child with a disability to help the child with a disability to develop more normally. Being around other children is helpful. Parents should never assume their other children will want to take care of another child with a disability.

It turns out our other children do want to take our youngest child so we feel incredibly grateful.. We have other friends who made other arrangements for their child with a disability. It’s not easy facing the future and I applaud the OP for telling her parents she’s not interested in taking care of her younger sister.

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Squanchhy − I can relate to this, unfortunately having a sibling who requires more attention often leads the other siblings ostracized and abandoned, unfortunately due to the morality dilemma of the situation parents feel validated and justified in their actions and their echo chambers often resonate and support them in this endeavor.

It's great you don't hold resentment to your sibling as that can sometimes be the case. N**lect is still n**lect and this can tear apart a family very easily so it's nice to hear you've remained amicable currently, if that does change and you find resent building just know that you have every right to feel the way you feel, you didn't chose this you are merely a product of your environment. 

These Redditors didn’t mince words, celebrating the OP’s breakout while calling out parental missteps. But do their hot takes capture the full weight of this family saga, or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

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The OP’s journey from a cramped family dynamic to the open road of college life is a masterclass in reclaiming agency. Their trip with Missy wasn’t just a getaway—it was a launchpad for boundaries that reshaped their future. While their parents cling to Macy as their north star, the OP and Missy are charting their own courses, proving love doesn’t mean sacrifice. Have you ever had to redraw family lines to find yourself? Share your story—let’s keep the conversation alive!

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