[UPDATE 2] AITAH for telling my fiancé I won’t help pay the mortgage?

A 29-year-old woman’s attempt to salvage her 10-year relationship with her fiancé unraveled into chaos when his refusal of therapy and a prenup triggered an abusive outburst, ending their engagement. After rejecting her mortgage contribution without ownership, his manosphere-inspired rant—calling her a “b*tch” and “gold digger”—left her numb, her child confused, and their future in tatters. Now, she faces a custody fight and a painful new reality.

This Reddit update plunges us into a heartbreaking spiral of betrayal and resilience. It’s a raw exploration of love lost to toxic ideology, asking: when a partner’s rage reveals their true self, how do you pick up the pieces?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post, update

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‘[UPDATE 2] AITAH for telling my fiancé I won’t help pay the mortgage?’

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. You’ve shown me i’m not alone in this and that other people have gone through the same. I also feel vindicated in my decision to not pay half the mortgage if i’m not on the deed, thank you. Anyways, tonight he and I got to talking about the arrangement again.

He said he didn’t want to do the prenup I mentioned in my last update. So I told him my final offer was couples therapy AND getting married before we buy a house. I told him we should get a rental temporarily until we figure everything out and come to an agreement. He outright refused, again.

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He said he didn’t want to “waste money” renting. He then said I’m not entitled to any of his money and he won’t buy a house after we marry because i’ll just “win it in a divorce”. I said fine we won’t get married. He asked if I was breaking up with him and I said I didn’t know, but I needed space.

He. Lost. It. Called me a btch and a gold digger and told me I “owe” him $30,000. (I don’t know where he got this number from) He said i’m “used up” and no one will ever want me again. He went on ranting, yelling at me, for about 3 minutes until my grandma came over to us and told him to leave.

He’s staying the night at a hotel and has called me repeatedly. He’s left a few angry voicemails. I feel so numb. My baby is confused and keeps asking why I’m upset and where their dad went. I hate this so much. To everyone who mentioned he might’ve gotten in with the manosphere/ red pill content, you were right.

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I looked at who he’s subscribed to on youtube, sure enough I saw Joe Rogan, Fresh and Fit podcast, justpearlythings, and adin ross. Safe to say he’s fallen down the manosphere rabbit hole. I know the man i fell in love with is gone and there’s nothing I can do about it. There were definitely signs I didn’t notice, he always said he was saving “his money”, and HE was buying a house.

He also said, on more than one occasion, he was the “man of the house”. He got really big on being a “provider and protector”. I didn’t put it all together until now. His behavior change has been pretty recently, like the last 8-9 months. That’s it. My life is a s**t show. Writing it out has been somewhat therapeutic. Thank you all again for your support!

An engagement ending in an abusive rant isn’t just a breakup—it’s a wake-up call. The fiancé’s rejection of therapy, insistence on sole ownership, and manosphere influence signal a dangerous shift from partnership to domination. His claim she owes $30,000, likely tied to her schooling or living costs, ignores her contributions—free rent and childcare—that fueled his savings, exposing a manipulative mindset.

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Emotional abuse affects 1 in 4 women in relationships, per the National Domestic Violence Hotline, often escalating with ideological radicalization like the manosphere, which promotes male supremacy. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist, warns, “Toxic ideologies can flip a partner’s personality, turning love into control; verbal attacks like this are a prelude to worse.” His refusal to seek help and aggressive voicemails suggest escalating risk.

She must document everything—voicemails, texts—for a custody and child support case, and avoid isolation with him. Staying at her grandma’s offers safety and a base to rebuild. Legal advice and therapy are crucial to navigate this betrayal.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up takes fiercer than a custody battle! The community leaps in with warnings, support, and sharp insights:

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Bewitchingchick − Keep the voicemails and messages he sends. You may need them. Get ready to go to court to custody and child support. Do not be alone with this man.. Edit: Grandma is awesome.. If he comes back and is yelling and acting up call the cops.

External_Expert_2069 − Your life is not a s**t show! Imagine if you moved into that house, paid for a few years and actually married him! That would be a colossal s**t show. I'm so sorry you are going through this but you found out before taking these next big steps. You have your degree, family support and your kid. You will be fine ♥️ please talk to a good lawyer.. custody, child support and save and document everything

Anthrodiva − It blows my mind that these guys RUIN their lives over a PODCAST

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Fishvv − Im sad for you but at the same time super happy you found all this about his true self before getting married and stuff now you can move on with your life hopefully he will be there for the kids but please leave this man and never take him back.

AppointmentHot1099 − Mute him on everything so anything he texts you or send via voice you can use in court against him

NYCStoryteller − Welp, based on that rant, I guess you're single again. Do not take him back. Consider it a bullet dodged on the marriage front, and keep all of those texts and voice mails for a protective order + the custody battle.

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Equal_Maintenance870 − I’m so sorry. It’s wild how many men will f**k up their whole lives because they start buying into red pill trash. But at least you’re in a good spot with grandma and you saw this before letting him trick you into paying for “his” house. Big time bullet dodged. You’ll be okay, you’ve got this!

MaGaGogo − I'm so sorry for you and for your baby. You made the right decision, please don't doubt it.

creativekinda − The irony is that he thinks he worked so hard to save money but if it wasn't for your grandmother who is (gasp), a woman, he wouldn't have been able to do that.

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monikapearl − Girl, you dodged a bullet. Sorry this is how your 10 year relationship ended but so proud of you! You and kiddo stay safe. Good on grandma for giving him the boot, too.

These reactions stoke the fire, but do they light a path to healing, or just sharpen the resolve to move on?

This update rips open a relationship destroyed by a fiancé’s toxic turn, where a mortgage dispute unleashed abusive rage fueled by manosphere ideology. The woman’s strength in walking away, despite the pain, is a lifeline for her and her child, but the road ahead—custody and emotional recovery—looms large. Can she rebuild after this betrayal, or will his shadow linger? What would you do when a partner’s ideology shatters your world? Share your thoughts below and let’s face this storm together!

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