AITA – for saying my roommates parents cannot live with us for a month?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine moving into a shiny new apartment, buzzing with the excitement of independence, only to find your cozy space morphing into an unofficial bed-and-breakfast for your roommate’s parents. For one young woman, this wasn’t just a quirky inconvenience—it was a lease-breaking, wallet-draining saga that pushed her patience to the brink. Her Reddit post spills the beans on a roommate who turned their shared home into a family reunion hub, sparking a showdown over boundaries and bills.

This tale of clashing expectations and sneaky plans hits hard for anyone who’s navigated the tightrope of shared living. With the OP caught between financial loss and an overstaying family, readers are left buzzing with opinions on who’s in the right. It’s a story that peels back the curtain on the chaos of roommate life, where respect and rules are non-negotiable.

‘AITA – for saying my roommates parents cannot live with us for a month?’

I recently moved into a three bedroom apartment there are three of us living here (23F, 24F, and 25F). When I was interviewing for this place one of my roommates mentioned that her family visits so they are around sometimes and said nothing else. It never occurred to me that she meant they stayed in the apartment instead of a hotel, and she never explicitly said that they stayed in the apartment, much less for two months out of the year.

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I had no idea about this until my other roommate informed and told me it has been going on for years and is quite uncomfortable with the mother and specifically the father staying here (it was vaguely mention to me in one offhand comment but she was never told anything at all).

When I found out I went to the property manager to discuss the specifics of our lease and the guest policy as it is a violation and I wanted to understand the terms. We then had a conversation in person where I said the terms of the lease were acceptable (14 nights) but nothing longer when she mentioned that her parents typically stay for a month at a time.

She said that she would honor the terms of the lease and gave us dates, but now she is lying and changing them. I am subletting for the summer so it has been known that I will leave the apartment and then return. Based on our most recent conversation she would not give a straight answer, and said that she was “stretching out” the time they would be spending spanning a month, and they they would return to stay again a few weeks after that.

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The current roommate who is staying is also very upset as the parents visit will now span a month and a half, almost the entire summer. The other issue is that I am having trouble finding someone to sublet my apartment because of these changes. I was willing to lose a few hundred dollars to cover the half month we were told at the beginning of the summer, but now that she has changed the dates it will cost me at least a month or a month and half’s rent which is now thousands of dollars.

We tried to speak to her to come to a solution and she has refused, the more we have discussed the more we are realizing that she was always planning on having them stay for longer after I left. My final word on the matter was that she has already violated the lease this term by having them stay for a month in the winter, and I do not want to evict her but I will not lose money over this.

They can come for the planned dates for two weeks, but no longer. The property managers are aware that this has been an ongoing issue and have offered to help. We have tried twice to have a conversation with her - threatening eviction being our last resort, but she clearly does not respect our space, money, or the lease. Am I the a**hole?

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Edit: I saw a few comments asking about being uncomfortable with the dad staying, and the discomfort is nothing more than having someone who is older and a male in an all female apartment sharing the only full bathroom and common spaces etc (a mom staying is different than a dad)…

A few people have also asked about offering to sublet to the family- they have made no offer or indication that they would be willing to sublet- the only offer I got after threatening eviction was to pay HALF the months rent IF the dad ended up staying along with the mom. So fair compensation is definitely not on the table and would still force my other roommate to share the space with the family.

This post was also made following a conversation where I had to bring up eviction since the boundaries we established had been crossed with no luck, but after giving the ultimatum to stick to the agreed dates or involve the property manager immediately she has finally agreed to find another accommodation for them.

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This roommate ruckus isn’t just about extra houseguests—it’s a textbook case of boundary erosion. The OP’s home, meant to be a shared sanctuary, became a revolving door for unapproved visitors, breaching both trust and the lease. According to Psychology Today, clear boundaries are the backbone of healthy cohabitation, yet the roommate’s vague promises and date-shifting antics show a blatant disregard for her housemates’ rights.

The financial sting of lost sublet income adds salt to the wound. Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychologist, notes, “Respecting shared spaces requires open communication and mutual agreements” . Here, the roommate’s failure to disclose her parents’ extended stays—coupled with her refusal to compromise—created a power imbalance. A 2023 study in Journal of Social Psychology found that 72% of young adults in shared housing report stress from unaddressed roommate conflicts.

The discomfort with the father’s presence highlights gender dynamics in shared spaces, where unfamiliar males can shift the vibe, especially in all-female households. For solutions, experts suggest firm, united communication. The OP and her ally could restate the lease terms and propose alternatives, like the parents renting a nearby Airbnb. If resistance persists, involving property management, as the OP did, is a practical step to enforce rules and protect everyone’s interests.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit posse rolled up with pitchforks and wisdom, serving a zesty blend of support and snark. From calling out the roommate’s shady tactics to suggesting eviction, the comments are a spicy buffet of hot takes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

BigComfyCouch4 − Why can't her parents sublet your room for the summer? They want to visit for months; you want to rent out your room for months. It's all pretty weird, and this girl seems like a bad roommate. But this particular situation seems easy to resolve.

shenme_ − NTA. Your roommate is violating the lease, as well as boundaries you’ve tried to establish with her around her parents staying. After setting  boundary, when a person crosses it even after agreeing to respect the boundary, the next step is to tell them what the consequence will be if they break it again.

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You’ve done that, and told them they will be evicted if they try to have their parents stay. If they don’t agree to not cross that boundary again, then you’re fully in your rights to make that consequence happen. Also, this would be messy, but if her parents want to stay the whole summer, why don’t they pay to sublet your room to make their stay legal?

SavingsRhubarb8746 − NTA. It is frankly bizarre for someone in a shared apartment to expect to be able to bring in extra people without the consent of the other roommates, and often, as in your case, in violation of the lease. Usually, the problem is a boy or girlfriend who spends far too much time 'visiting', but with parents you've got twice the problem.

It sounds like your roommate has gotten away with this for years, and so assumes that it's fine. You know it's not because you can't find a sub-letter who's willing to accept those terms - and you aren't willing to do so yourself. I'd say the only solution you have is to either arrange with the management to break your lease, or to evict her for breaking the terms of the lease.

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ruyrybeyro − NTA. She’s taking the p**s. You signed up for flatmates, not her mum and dad moving in like it’s a B&B. Stick to the lease, if she stays, lock your room if you can't sublet it, sounds like she’s eyeing your bed for her parents’ kip. Proper dodgy.

Ok-Position7403 − NTA. I would take the property managers up on their offer. You may want to seek legal advice, also. I don't understand how she's getting away with it if the property managers are aware.

KatzAKat − NTA.  And good for you for standing up for yourself and following the lease.  Your roommate's bait and switch is deplorable.  You'll likely be besmirched as the bad guy since you're the newbie.  Your roommate is just a bully.

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Acceptable-Original − Evict and look for a new room mate. You are paying for an extra family. They are doing it repeatedly because the can.

Armorer- − NTA. I would not even allow them to stay for two weeks because this is not a partner, you are roommates sharing a space you all pay for, if I were you I would not let them stay at all and if you cave in and allow the two weeks they should cover your part of the rent to offset their stay as they are intruding on your space and comfort.

mavenmim − NTA. You agreed to share with 2 people, not 4 people. If she wants to move other people in, rather than having people visit (which lasts for a weekend or something like that) then that has to be agreed in advance and reflected in sharing the bills proportionately.

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She can't impose it and if it breaks the terms of the lease and has a financial consequence for you then it makes sense to raise it with the property manager.. My only note is that the same rules may prevent you from subletting. So do check that first.

k23_k23 − NTA. Just tell her: If she does it, you will inform property management, and they will kick her guests out.. Tell heR: If they refuse, she will be evicted. Then do your best to have her evicted.

These Redditors backed the OP’s stand or roasted the roommate’s gall, but do their fiery opinions capture the whole picture? One thing’s certain: this apartment drama has tongues wagging.

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This saga of overstaying parents and lease-breaking schemes is a stark reminder that shared living thrives on respect and clarity. The OP’s fight to protect her space and finances underscores the importance of standing firm on boundaries, even when it ruffles feathers. What would you do if your roommate turned your home into a free hotel for their family? Drop your thoughts and roommate horror stories below!

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