AITA for not including my dad’s new wife or stepchildren in my wedding beyond them being guests?

Jonathan Hours
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In a softly lit wedding planner’s office, a 25-year-old bride flips through guest lists, her jaw tight as she recalls her father’s latest plea: give his new wife and stepkids—barely family since his September 2024 wedding—star roles in her big day. He envisions his wife as a mother figure, his stepchildren as flower girl and page boy, but she sees them as guests, invited only for his sake. Her sharp retort, questioning his own exclusion of her fiancée at his wedding, lit a fuse.

This isn’t just about seating charts; it’s a thorny tangle of blended family hopes and hard boundaries, where a bride’s vision of her day clashes with her dad’s dream of unity. His push for “equal” treatment stings, and her firm “no” fuels his frustration. Is she guarding her wedding’s heart, or snubbing a new family’s place? It’s a story that glitters with love and bristles with tension.

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‘AITA for not including my dad’s new wife or stepchildren in my wedding beyond them being guests?’

Her resolve and family clash spill out in a candid Reddit post, baring the fight over her wedding’s guest list. Here’s her story, raw and heartfelt:

My dad got married again pretty recently (September 2024). His wife came along with two children under 10. My dad loves his stepchildren and he has always wanted them to be included as if they were blood. And so when it came to my wedding he was upset to learn his wife and stepchildren were guests who were only invited because of him and would not be given any familial roles in the wedding.

What this means is she won't be in a mother of the groom role. I won't be walking down the aisle with his wife or dancing with her. His stepchildren will not be a flower girl and page boy or junior bridesmaid and junior groomsmen. They will be in photos because they have to be. But there won't be a special introduction for them either which my dad expected us to do.

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He asked what they'll be other than general guests and I said nothing because they are general guests. He said they should be treated as family, as true family and not just general guests. I said they're only invited because of him and that they are not my new mother and siblings. My dad told me he feels like there needs to be more done to include them as family.

That simply inviting them is not enough. He told me I owe it to him to treat them like they are equal to the family as he is. I asked where was that attitude when he got married. I asked why my fiancée wasn't treated as his family and his daughter. Why was she a plus one to his wedding. He told me it's different and people expect different things out of in-law's than stepfamily.

I told him it was crap and people realize that in-law's are not usually the same as your own parents and siblings or children. I said that is the case for stepfamilies too sometimes. That there are occasions where it's all the same but not always and I pointed out I'm 25 years old and way too old to start treating this new person as a mom and way older than his stepchildren to see them as any more than kids in the wider family but not siblings.

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He's really fighting me on this. He told me the kids especially deserve to be treated like my little siblings and that I should get to know them before the wedding so including them will make more sense and to make their days by letting them play a special role in the wedding. I'm staying firm but he's growing more frustrated about it. He told me it would be the right thing to do. I disagree. But AITA?

This bride’s refusal to elevate her dad’s new family reflects a boundary rooted in time and connection. At 25, she’s too old to see a new stepmom as a mother or young stepkids as siblings, especially after just months of marriage. Her dad’s push for roles like flower girl or motherly dances ignores her reality—she’s building her own family, not his. His comparison to her fiancée’s plus-one status at his wedding falters; weddings prioritize personal bonds, not forced unity.

Blended families need time to gel. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 40% of adult children resist stepfamily roles when relationships lack history, especially in ceremonial contexts (source: Journal of Marriage and Family). Her dad’s insistence risks alienating her, not uniting them.

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Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Forcing stepfamily bonds backfires; inclusion grows from mutual respect, not demands” (source: Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships). Papernow’s insight supports the bride’s stance—her dad’s pressure dismisses her comfort. His hurt may stem from wanting his stepkids valued, but it’s his job to nurture that, not hers.

She could soften the sting: “I love that you’re building a family, but my wedding focuses on my closest bonds.” Inviting the kids to a pre-wedding craft day might warm ties without roles. Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), could ease dad’s expectations. A clear guest list plan avoids surprises (source: The Knot).

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s serving up some zesty takes on this bride’s stepfamily showdown—get ready for a bouquet of bold quips and tender nods!

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messageinthebox − NTA. Tell him if the arrangements don't suit him, he doesn't need to be there.

Absent_Picnic − Honestly, as a step-mother myself, I wouldn't hope for anything more than just being invited, accepted and being treated as a human being with no aggression being directed towards me on the day.. I would happily stay out of photos etc. I would want to sit with my husband though. That's all.

witchbrew7 − I have groceries older than his marriage.. He needs to slow his roll. What he’s demanding is ridiculous. What you’re proposing is generous and fair.. NTA.

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UnitedManner20 − NTA he’s welcome to be just a guest as well if he’s gonna act like this. He’s not funding your wedding and you’re not a child. Your point with how he treated your fiancé at his wedding is completely valid.

He wants to put on a show like you have fully accepted his step kids and his wife as your family and that’s ridiculous. He needs to grow up. He is trying to prioritize how people view him and your relationship with his family over your new marriage - he’s absolutely selfish, and I would definitely nip this in the bud now.

notAugustbutordinary − He’s being ridiculous if he expects you to form any sort of familial bond with children who are fifteen years your junior when you do not live with them. His wife will never act in a parent/ child relationship with you as you are an independent adult and as such is not acting as your step mother she is just your father’s new wife. NTA.

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Turbulent_Ebb5669 − NTA. They are his family, not yours. And frankly, he's lucky you invited them as guests.

SafeIncrease7953 − NTA, the only one I’d ever consider to walk me down the isle and dance with would be someone who was a true father/mother figure to me. He’s not being reasonable.

RevKyriel − NTA. These people have only recently moved into your Dad's life, and have not really been part of yours. Although to him they are now family, to you they are only included because of him, and so (correctly) are just general guests.

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Basically, they're Dad's Plus Three. He should be grateful he's getting that, instead of just a Plus One. Dad's the AH here for trying to push his new family into special roles in what should be a day about you and your partner.

QuietHamster6509 − ' they are your family, not mine. They're guests and that's final. I'll understand if you don't want to attend because of this as this topic is not open for discussion. '. NTA.

HMS_Slartibartfast − NTA. At this point you should be stating 'If your new wife and kids are that important to you, I guess that makes you a GUEST'.

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These Redditors are tossing out spicy advice, but are they arranging harmony or just wilting the vibe?

This bride’s story is a vibrant clash of wedding dreams and family demands, with her refusal to cast her dad’s new wife and stepkids in starring roles sparking a heated feud. Her stand guards her day’s heart, but his plea for unity tugs hard. Can a gentle gesture or honest talk bridge the gap, or is her boundary the final RSVP? What would you do when a parent pushes new family into your spotlight? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s untangle this!

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