AITAH for leaving my “friend” on the ice after she planned a trip using my flat as her accommodation?

Picture a cozy London flat, just steps from the roar of Arsenal’s stadium, where a young woman’s hospitality is stretched to its breaking point. For years, her so-called friend Emma treated the place like a free hotel, showing up for football games with zero regard for her host’s life. The final straw? Emma booking a trip despite knowing her friend was 1,000 miles away in Austria, leaving her stranded and fuming at the train station.

This isn’t just about a misused flat; it’s a tale of friendship gone sour, where one woman’s generosity was met with entitlement. The sting of betrayal lingers as she wonders if cutting Emma off was too harsh. Readers will feel the frustration of boundaries ignored and the relief of finally saying “enough.” Join us as we unpack this drama of loyalty, manipulation, and the courage to stand firm.

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‘AITAH for leaving my “friend” on the ice after she planned a trip using my flat as her accommodation?

Me (29f) have, well, had a 'friend' - let's call her Emma (32f) . I live in London and Emma lives in Manchester. We met before I moved to London, in a smaller town we both lived in, and we met and became friends in 2013 on a fan page of an actor we both liked,and realising we live close by we started hanging out in person.

Everything was normal when we both lived in the smaller town, and then in 2015 she moved to Manchester for work, we stayed in touch - I was never invited to visit her, even for a day, but I didn't think much of it back then.

Then in 2016 I got a job in London, and moved here, and that's when the signs I see in retrospect began.. See, Emma is Arsenal fan, and I was renting a flat very close to the stadium. Suddenly, Emma was very eager to meet in person again, which I was happy to do too because I was excited about the move and also haven't seen her in a long time.

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Only once she arrived at my flat, she told me she wanted to come this specific weekend because there was Arsenal game. For the first couple years, admittedly it went over my head that every single time she visited it was coincidentally a game.

I don't follow football, so I never knew until she told me - which for the first couple years was upon her arrival. With time I changed job for one that was a regular 9-5, but because of the industry often more like 9-8. She started coming for every. Other. Game.

I feel like an i**ot, because the first thing that started making me uncomfortable was that I told her that I couldn't take time off every time she's over, and she'd say it's absolutely fine, but then as her stay progressed she'd get more and more upset that 'I don't spend time with her' - I was at work all day, came back home exhausted to her not even having done groceries for whatever dinner she wanted, asking when I'll be making food.

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She was also always unhappy with the food choice I made, never saying what she wanted but always being unhappy with whatever I came up with. It was the same with whatever pastimes I planned for us in the evenings or over the weekends, she never had any input but was complaining about every aspect of what I came up with.

However, the way she was saying it, framing it like it's my lack of consideration, made me feel like I'm a s**t friend. When the pandemic was truly done and dusted, she shifted from guilting me into agreeing for her to come to ignoring my responses if I said I can't on those dates - for reasons like, I will be gone all day because I was going to comicon,

or my room floor is fully taken up by my costume and props in progress, or that there's already another friend who flew in from abroad staying with me those dates. She'd say 'oh that's okay', and then the day before I'll get a text from her with her train details asking me to come get her from the station.

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All this time she's never invited me to visit her in Manchester even though I asked her when she would have time for me multiple times. The last straw happened the end of last year. First, as per usual at that point, she invited herself for the Christmas break - to watch the game obviously - even though at this point we've known each other for over ten years, and she knew Christmas is a difficult time for me and I prefer to be alone.

She also got tickets for the new year eve fireworks show by the Thames, for both of us, even though I explicitly told her I didn't want to go because 1) I don't do well I'm crowds this dense, and 2) I had a trapped nerve in my lower back, and I couldn't stand or walk for long periods of time.

If you don't know, you have to show up a couple of hours in advance to even get into the viewing area for these fireworks, not to mention have a good spot, and then it's about 20mins walk to the closest open bus or tube stop after the show ended. I told her all of these reasons when she asked initially.

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Obviously, she was extremely upset with me for not going with her, saying she misunderstood because I wasn't very clear so she had bought a ticket for me and was now out of pocket. She also left way too late, even though I told her she needs to be there early to get in, and naturally wasn't let in and missed the show completely - which again, she was mad at me for again.

At that point I was extremely fed up with her, and then she sat and connected her phone to the TV - we were in the middle of a TV show - and started booking her train for the next visit, going through how the exact game date was not yet set but it's gonna be between these three days, so she's gonna come for all 3.

Not a single sentence out of her mouth was a question if I'm free those days, or if the train arrival times would work for me. Just her, planning around her shifts and Arsenal games.. Well the chance had it, I already had plans, and flights booked to visit my family in Austria.

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I tried saying that it doesn't really work for me, but she dismissed me saying its okay. As I watched her pay for the trains, I once again said I am not free to host her those days, but she just responded I never have time for her anymore anyway, so it's fine, she's gonna come anyway.

Come the day before her 'planned' visit, in February this year. She send me a 'reminder' of what time her train comes. I simply responded that I'm not in the UK, and focused on spending time with my family. When I looked at my phone again, it was a barrage of missed calls - she's never called me before in all the years we knew each other - and messages, all asking what she's supposed to do now.

Not one question about where I am, and if everything is OK - reminder from her perspective, I went abroad suddenly, considering she's never asked or listened when I said those dates don't work for me. I also had messages from my flatmates, who were looped in on the situation,

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and they were the same _lamenting this is what I've done, asking if they could let her in, not a single question if they knew where I went or if something bad happened. They were a couple, and also genuinely not in the flat at the time.

It took her three days to send a message saying she hoped everything was okay. Closely followed by complain about how difficult situation this put her in, and how she was out of pocket for the hostel, and request I make a copy of my keys for her in case this happens in the future.

I responded it's good to know that all she cared about is the free accommodation I can provide, I then blocked her promptly everywhere I could. My flatmates and close friends say I've made a right decision and good riddance, but I had some colleagues say it was a b**ch move and I should have tried harder to tell her she couldn't come.. Are my friends biased? Am I the a**hole here?

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Emma’s blatant disregard for her friend’s boundaries is a masterclass in one-sided relationships. The woman’s frustration is palpable—her flat became a revolving door for Emma’s Arsenal obsession, with no reciprocity or respect. Emma’s guilt-tripping and refusal to listen, especially when told the dates didn’t work, point to a deeper issue: entitlement masquerading as friendship.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, writes in Psychology Today, “Healthy friendships thrive on mutual respect; one-sided dynamics breed resentment.” Emma’s pattern—ignoring refusals, expecting hospitality, and complaining without contributing—mirrors what experts call “friendship exploitation.” The woman’s introversion and initial loneliness in the UK likely made her vulnerable to tolerating this for years.

Zooming out, a 2019 study in the Journal of Social Psychology found that imbalanced friendships, where one party consistently takes without giving, often lead to emotional burnout. Emma’s refusal to invite her friend to Manchester or engage on equal terms underscores this imbalance. Her final act—planning a trip despite clear rejection—shows a lack of empathy.

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Dr. Levine suggests “setting clear boundaries and, if ignored, distancing oneself.” The woman’s decision to block Emma was a bold step to reclaim her space and peace. Moving forward, she could reflect on red flags earlier and seek friendships with mutual effort.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad didn’t hold back, dishing out support with a side of snark for Emma’s audacity. It’s like a pub chat where everyone’s rooting for the underdog and roasting the freeloader. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA. She wasn't a friend, so I appreciate the quotations around it. Good on you.. Suffice it to say, it doesn't take away the hurt of losing a friendship, albeit a s**tty one.

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Crazy4Swayze420 − To your colleagues whom don't know her funny how they are the only ones against how you handled it. Some people are to dense to read a room and to dumb to know they are AH in everyone eyes. If you should ever speak to her again or see her show up in hotspur merch. That should get a funny petty reaction.

SoftwareMaintenance − **Blocking this mooch was long overdue**

Stunning-Image − NTA. She ain’t no friend to you unless she can use you. I don’t think you could have made it more obvious (at least to someone who’s not a user) that she shouldn’t have come. As for the colleagues who said it was unfair of you, well, you possibly just outed a few of them who are users like your “friend”.

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Careful-Laugh-2063 − She’s a user. It takes balls to do this to someone.

TheOriginalMythrelle − You just know that if you had told her you would be out of the country, she'd have asked you to give her a key. NTA & good riddance to a user. She was never a friend.

Large-Client-6024 − Dear Emma, Due to conflicts you presented on your last visit, and for not paying attention to my texts, you are no longer welcome at my flat. EVER.

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OrganicVisual1574 − Not the a**hole. This friend is one of the most insidious kind of narcissist. They seem so nice, harmless, or even oblivious but they only value you based on how useful you are to them all while guilt tripping and manipulating you into maintaining the entire relationship. Not your fault it took you a while to realize how demeaning and inconsiderate she is. Good for you for finally ridding yourself of the parasite.

ArleneTheMad − NTA. But you should reconsider those friends who are claiming you are

[Reddit User] − Thank you everyone for responding and for so many reassuring messages! .Because I see a lot of questions why I let it go for so long - I wonder myself! Hindsight is always 20/20, but in the moment I was just happy she wanted to come, and when it soured with time I convinced myself I'm being ungrateful for her time. 

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I think big part of it was I am introverted, and was even more introverted when we met - I was still 17 and moved to the UK with my parents. At the time we started hanging out I didn't really have many friends in UK, and I was feeling out of the loop with my friends back home like an insecure teenager that I was. I guess I wanted to hold on to the first friendship here,

and I always gave her reasons why I can't host her that some of you said gave her opening to push me because I was afraid to be rude. As I said I can't think of anything weird in the first three years we knew each other before my move to London.

We didn't really have common friends because we didn't really hang out in the same circles, and she never wanted to join I'm when I was with my other friends, which I understand because I didn't really want to hang out with people only she knew either.  Also my other friends and my flatmates were in the loop all the time, and actually tried telling me the red flags earlier on.

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But I guess I didn't want to belive she's using me, and made up excuses that my other friends also always gone somewhere like theatre etc when they visited, ignoring the difference between someone flying in from Austria for a week once every year or two and her taking a train from Manchester every couple weeks, and the fact that she was the only person expecting me to organise everything.
These Redditors cheered the woman’s backbone, calling Emma out as a user who got what she deserved. Some saw her colleagues’ criticism as clueless; others urged her to trust her gut. But do their fiery takes capture the whole story, or are they just loving the drama?

This saga of a flat-turned-football-haven shows that friendship should be a two-way street, not a one-woman Airbnb. By cutting Emma off, the woman chose self-respect over guilt, a move that’s as liberating as it is tough. It’s a wake-up call to spot users early and hold firm to your boundaries. Have you ever had to ditch a toxic friend? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your stories below.

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