AITA for taking my daughter out of school for a week for a vacation?

In a cozy living room, a 39-year-old dad buzzed with excitement, mapping out a Florida resort getaway where his wife, toddler, and 10-year-old daughter, K, could splash in pools while he tackled a work trip. The plan felt perfect—family evenings under palm trees, K’s schoolwork packed to keep her on track. But a phone call with his mom turned the vibe sour, her voice sharp with disapproval: K should stay behind for school, not miss a week for “frivolous” memories.

This isn’t just about a spelling test; it’s a lively tug-of-war between family bonding and academic duty, with a grandma’s old-school values clashing against a dad’s vision of irreplaceable moments. Her harsh words—calling him a failure as a son—left him second-guessing. Is pulling K from fourth grade for a week a reckless move, or a gift of family unity? It’s a story that sparkles with warmth and bristles with tension.

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‘AITA for taking my daughter out of school for a week for a vacation?’

His enthusiasm and doubt spill out in a heartfelt Reddit post, dishing the details of his vacation plan and his mom’s backlash. Here’s his story, sunny yet stormy:

I (m39) have a daughter (10) “K” from my previous relationship, I also have a daughter (18 months) with my wife now. My wife is mom to K, I don't want to get into it but K’s bio mom is not a part of her Life. I go on business trips for work around 3-4 times a year. In a week I'm going to Florida.

My wife and I decided to make this one a trip for our family, we figured it would be perfect staying in a resort with pools and things to do for my wife and Daughter’s while I work then in the evening we can do stuff together. Of course K will have to miss a week of school, we are getting her school work for the week so she can work on it while gone.

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Yesterday I was talking on the phone with my mom. I had told her about my business trip and how I my wife and daughter’s were going. She mentioned something about K staying with her. I asked what she was talking about. She said K has to stay with her since we’ll be gone for a week. I told her no, K is coming with.

She argued that she has school I told her its a trip and memories, she’ll always remember. Unlike a 4th grade spelling test. My mom got really upset with me, said It's not good to let K miss so much school. The only other time she missed school this year was 2 sick days. I don't think its smart to constantly let her miss school but going on a trip with her family and missing a little school isn't the end of the world.

My mom said I'm setting K up for failure, I told her its the 4th grade. Plus she would feel so left out If everyone went but her. My mom called me an AH and said I'm not the son she raised. I have been wondering if maybe it isn't the best idea AITA?

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This dad’s plan to whisk K away for a family trip is a bid for connection, but his mom’s outrage highlights a generational rift over education’s weight. K, with only two sick days this year, isn’t a chronic absentee, and her schoolwork plan shows responsibility. Yet, grandma’s fear of “failure” reflects valid concerns about routine. Her harsh judgment, though, overlooks K’s emotional need to belong—being left behind could sting more than a missed quiz.

School absences matter, but context is key. A 2022 study in Educational Researcher found that short, planned absences (under 10 days) have minimal academic impact on elementary students if work is completed (source: Educational Researcher). K’s trip, with assignments in tow, fits this mold. Grandma’s “failure” jab ignores this nuance.

Dr. William Stixrud, a parenting expert, notes, “Family connection fuels resilience; rigid rules can’t trump emotional bonds” (source: The Self-Driven Child). Stixrud’s insight backs the dad’s choice—K’s memories with her sister and parents outweigh fourth-grade rote. Grandma’s exclusion fear needs addressing, not dictating.

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He should reassure his mom: “K’s schoolwork is covered; this trip builds her confidence.” A family meeting post-trip could share photos, easing grandma’s worries. Tutoring, if needed, ensures K stays on track (source: Khan Academy). Therapy, via BetterHelp (source: BetterHelp), might smooth family tensions.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s tossing out some zesty takes on this dad’s school-skipping vacation plan—get ready for a mix of sunny cheers and stern lectures!

justlemmeread − NTA. I work for a school and I'm saying this. There is a lot of value in a family trip, and your daughter has done incredible with attendance this year. She deserves a special trip! You're right, she won't forget this. The only thing I would say is make sure she isn't missing out on any important testing, as a lot of schools do state testing around this time. If she is you want to make sure she can make it up.

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I find that family trips like this can be their own important learning experience. She will see a new place and have a lot of new events. This is important for development just as school is!

Your mom is not her parent and needs to trust you to make the right choices for YOUR daughter. Tell her kindly or not kindly if you want to b**t out.

Snurgisdr − Unless your daughter is missing a huge amount of school already and/or is a terrible student, this is nothing. And you've done the right thing by arranging to get her work for the week in advance so she doesn't miss anything. Your mom is worrying about nothing. NTA.

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Leading-Knowledge712 − NTA When my twins were in 4th grade, we took them out of school for a week to attend a family reunion celebrating their great grandfather’s 90th birthday. We arranged to get their assignments and informed their school well in advance. It was a great trip, they got to travel across the country, meet many relatives for the first time, and honor their great grandfather, who died a few years later.

That was many years ago and the twins weee always excellent students. One has a PhD, so apparently missing a week of a school in 4th grade didn’t hold her back in any way! Enjoy the trip and tell your mom that she raised you her way and you’ll raise your kids your way. Decline to discuss further since she doesn’t get a vote.. Edit: typos

FickleSwimming-2441 − you are absolutely NOT the a**hole. you're a good dad tho! have fun on the family vacation.

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midwestmusician − NTA. I’d back off the info sharing. Another perspective - how do you think your daughter would feel waving bye from grandmas door while her parents and sibling go on vacation? Bad right? “I did consider that.” I know, that’s why you said no. You’re a good dad. Now, finish that daydream. Daughter sad, family pulling away - what happens after that?

I bet it’s grandma to the rescue! Any lingering resentments? Were you her s**pegoat? Does she like your wife? Any concerns she might make a play for custody? Just doesn’t pass the sniff test. Dad taking her for a week vacay is not going to matter at all to the school. A week at grandmas after being exiled from vacation - that ones gonna sting. Gotta wonder why grandma would advocate for that kind of pain.

AdmirableDrag436 − When I was 13 I had a chance to go to Africa for a month. My Mom contacted the school and they not only approved the month off but were happy I had the opportunity to go on such a trip. I didn’t lose anything school wise from being gone.

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I have great memories from my trip. I’m now a grandma and come September me and my daughter are taking her two children out of school for a week to go dig for crystals at a mine. Memories are priceless, spelling tests are not!

CryslyBeek − NTA. You’re not pulling your daughter out of school regularly — it’s one week, with schoolwork arranged, and for a meaningful family trip. She’s in 4th grade, not preparing for med school exams. The emotional value of feeling included and spending quality time with her family far outweighs what she’ll miss in the classroom for a few days.

Your mom may mean well, but calling you an AH and saying you’re “not the son she raised” over one week of missed school is a dramatic overreaction. You’re doing what’s best for your child, and that includes nurturing family bonds — not just academics.

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GhostcorpsRecruit − NTA 'We are getting her school work for the week so she can work on it while gone'. There ya go. Shes not missing anything if she actually does the work. As long as you make sure of this your good.

Sammiebear_143 − NTA In the UK, you can get fines for taking your kids out of school, but given the ludicrous prices of holidays during school holidays many people consider it worth paying a fine, comparatively small in relation to the jump in holiday prices to take their kids away. I think plenty of teachers would also agree, providing it's not in the run up to important exams, or the child has poor attendance or grades to begin with.

This will be an experience for your whole family to enjoy, and I think something that your daughter would resent missing out on if she had to stay behind. Being all together will bring a lifetime of memories of experiences that you all share. I question your mother's motives. Is she really worried about your child missing a week of school, or is it for more self gratifying reasons she objects?

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asanethicist − In addition to all the NTA... I've seen teachers say that students rarely do assignments sent with then away on vacation. A couple teachers suggested doing a little project on the trip. For a 10 year old in Florida, depending on where you are, I could imagine going on a local history or nature walking tour and doing a bit of related internet research. Learning to identify a couple local plants or animals, or reading a book by or about someone from the area.

These Redditors are dishing bold advice, but are they sparking joy or just raining on the parade?

This dad’s story is a vibrant clash of family fun and classroom commitments, with his Florida trip for K stirring his mom’s fierce disapproval. His push for poolside memories over spelling tests feels like a love letter to his daughter, but grandma’s “failure” warning stings. Can he smooth things with a post-trip family huddle, or is his plan a step too far? What would you do when family time tempts you to ditch school? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s dive in!

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