AITA for telling my girlfriend if she’s going to just throw what I make away she can cook for herself?

In a bustling shared apartment, the sizzle of a skillet usually signals a cozy night for a 30-year-old man, his girlfriend, and his little brother. Their system—cooking for each other when the mood strikes—keeps the fridge stocked and the vibe friendly, with grocery bills split fair and square. But lately, his girlfriend’s habit of chucking his carefully cooked meals into the trash has turned his culinary efforts into a morning heartbreak, each discarded dish a jab at his time and care.

This isn’t just about a few wasted leftovers; it’s a simmering clash of respect and responsibility in a tight-knit household. When he finally snapped, telling her to cook for herself if she can’t value his food, his brother cheered, but some friends cried foul, accusing him of starving her. Is he standing up for fairness, or has he gone too far? It’s a tale that’s as spicy as his unappreciated stir-fry.

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‘AITA for telling my girlfriend if she’s going to just throw what I make away she can cook for herself?’

His frustration and kitchen stand-off spill out in a lively Reddit post, dishing the dirt on his girlfriend’s wasteful ways. Here’s his story, hot off the stove:

I (30M) live with my little brother (28M) and my girlfriend (30F) and sometimes neither of us will feel like cooking, so when the other goes to cook we ask them to cook for us too. It's a system that works out and not one thats abused, we normally cook for ourselves but sometimes we also cook a big meal for everyone in the house.

We also all pitch in for the grocery bill, most of whats in the house is for us to use and specific stuff meant for just that person are marked and told in advance. Lately when my girlfriend has asked me to cook her something that I am making for myself and I have, I wake up the next morning to find most or all of it in the garbage. I am not a world class cook by any means, but I don't burn my food or under season it either.

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After the last time when she asked me to cook her something I told her no, that I am tired of seeing food wasted (not to mention the time I took to cook for her) and that if she's going to keep throwing food away like that, she can cook for herself.

My brother agrees with me on the subject. That the food waste is annoying and frustrating to see and it needs to end. Some of our friends agree too while others are saying I should just cook for her anyways and calling me an a**hole for 'letting her go hungry'.. Well reddit. AITA?

This guy’s kitchen boycott is a fed-up response to his girlfriend’s baffling trash-can routine. Cooking for each other is a household love language, but her tossing his meals—without explanation—feels like a slap to his effort, especially when groceries are a shared cost. His brother’s backing and their friends’ split opinions highlight a deeper issue: unspoken expectations in shared living. Her silence on why she’s dumping the food, paired with no apparent cooking flaws, suggests a communication gap.

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Food waste is a growing concern. A 2022 USDA report notes that 30-40% of U.S. food is wasted, straining budgets and relationships when intentional (source: USDA). Her actions, intentional or not, hit hard in a cost-sharing home.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship guru, says, “Small gestures of respect, like valuing a partner’s effort, build trust; dismissing them erodes it” (source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Gottman’s wisdom points to her waste as a trust-breaker, and his refusal as a boundary, though his blunt delivery may have fanned flames.

He should invite a calm chat: “It hurts when my food’s thrown out; can you share why?” Exploring her reasons—taste, diet, or miscommunication—could spark solutions, like cooking smaller portions or splitting duties clearer. Couples counseling, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), might bridge their gap. He’s not her chef, but teamwork could save the menu.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s serving up some piping-hot takes on this guy’s kitchen rebellion—get ready for a feast of candid quips!

lihzee − ETA. NTA. Throwing away food that someone else made for you instead of putting it into a Tupperware is incredibly wasteful and there's no excuse for her to be doing it. She can feed herself if she's so particular. IN.FO - what is her explanation for throwing most of the food away after asking you to cook for her? Have you asked her about it? Is your house unfamiliar with Tupperware and leftovers?

Deanie1458 − Letting her go hungry???? She is a 30 YEAR OLD ADULT I cannot stand when people whine that they are hungry like TF then make your self a sandwich.

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angelicism − NTA; I would never cook for her again. I am lucky that I've never had any food insecurity in my life but I still find it a**orrent to throw away perfectly edible food. If she took a couple bites and didn't like it, at the very least she should say so and then ask if you'd eat her leftovers if she put it away in a Tupperware.. Wholesale tossing food (that hasn't gone bad or something) is childish af.

JustheBean − NTA. Going out of your way to ask someone to cook for you and then making a pattern of throwing it away is pretty damn rude.

PrettyScientist848 − Wow you're friends are jerks! You are not 'letting her go hungry', is she incapable of making her own food? She's an adult and can absolutely make her own food so they are being dramatic with that assessment. I'm curious, why doesn't she put it in tupperware for leftovers? That's what normal people do instead of wasting it. She seems very dismissive and frankly, super wasteful. NTA.

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kipsterdude − NTA. If she didn't want it, the least she could do is leave it for you to eat. Throwing it out is incredibly wasteful and disrespectful.

moleman92107 − This wasteful s**t would be having me pull my hair out. What if you wanted that food for work the next day? Deranged behavior that needs to stop immediately NTA.

1962Michael − NTA. Most people cook for themselves the same 10 or 12 meals over and over. So it's very likely that your GF has had any given dish that you're likely to make. She shouldn't ask you to make her some unless she's planning to eat it. The least she can do is to save the leftovers for one of you to finish. Throwing out food that you've asked for is incredibly rude.

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OrinthianFlame − This s**t pisses me off just reading it. Also lol at making a 30 year old grown woman go hungry, if she's so hungry, then she can make herself something or order food. What an ungrateful ass.

GothPenguin − She’s letting herself go hungry. She’s thirty years old and capable of feeding herself if she’s hungry. If she doesn’t like the food put it in the fridge and let someone else eat it not throw it away. NTA.

These Redditors are tossing out zesty opinions, but are they cooking up wisdom or just burning the toast?

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This man’s story is a tangy mix of kitchen grit and household heart, with his girlfriend’s food-tossing ways pushing him to draw a line: cook for yourself. His stand, backed by his brother, defends his time and their shared fridge, but friends’ cries of “hunger” sting. Can a heart-to-heart clear the air, or is her waste a recipe for deeper rifts? What would you do when your efforts end up in the trash? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s stir the pot!

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