How do I tell my (21M) girlfriend (23F) why I wont get a vasectomy?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy college apartment, a 21-year-old man scrolls through his phone, heart racing as he rehearses a tough talk with his girlfriend, his best friend of three years. Both fiercely child-free, they’ve built a tight bond, but her push for him to get a vasectomy has hit a snag—his caution, shaped by his parents’ divorce, makes him wary of torching future possibilities, like kids with a hypothetical new partner. Her trust, scarred from past betrayals, hangs in the balance, and his white lie about fearing surgery gnaws at him.

This isn’t just about a medical choice; it’s a tender tug-of-war between love, honesty, and life’s unpredictability. Her medical anxieties and birth control struggles pile on pressure, while he dreads sparking doubts about his commitment. Can he share his truth without cracking her faith in their forever? It’s a story that hums with youthful love and grown-up fears, pulling readers into their crossroads.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘How do I tell my (21M) girlfriend (23F) why I wont get a vasectomy?’

His inner conflict and care for his girlfriend shine through in a raw Reddit post, laying bare the vasectomy dilemma threatening their harmony. Here’s his story, heartfelt and unfiltered:

My girlfriend and I are extremely close, shes my best friend. We’ve been together 3 years, eventually we’re getting married but its not a huge priority right now due to college and other situations. She’s very innocent, and therefore believes its impossible we would ever split up. I admire her enthusiasm and dont see it happening either, but coming from divorced parents, obviously I know rational people dont get married expecting a divorce, and that anything is possible.

Neither of us want kids, but especially not her. I could do it just fine if she really wanted them, but Id prefer not to. Now with that being said, if we were to break up, and I ended up with another woman who really wanted kids, I’d like to be able to have the option. Ive never been a fan of burning bridges, and I’d consider my balls a fairly good bridge lol.

ADVERTISEMENT

My girlfriend has been cheated and had rough relationships in the past with other people, so she struggles with trust. I’m worried that if I tell her this, she’ll have the thought in the back of her head that I’m planning to leave her for someone who wants kids. Obviously thats not true, but why create unnecessary stress?

Therefore I’m not sure how exactly to tell her this, or if I even should. Up until now I’ve just been telling her that I’m just afraid of the operation, but I hate lying to her. For some more context, she has major anxiety around doctors and related fields, so she is super against tying her tubes or something similar, which I definitely understand. She also doesn’t do well with OTC birth control, her hormones don’t agree with them unfortunately. Thanks!

This young man’s vasectomy hesitation is a classic clash of personal autonomy and partnership trust. His girlfriend, burned by past cheating, sees his commitment to their child-free life as a trust anchor, especially with her medical limits ruling out tubal ligation or hormonal birth control. His caution—wanting to keep options open for a future shaped by his parents’ divorce—makes sense but risks sounding like he’s got one foot out the door, a red flag for her fragile trust.

ADVERTISEMENT

Reproductive decisions strain even tight bonds. A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 25% of couples face trust issues when permanent contraception choices misalign, particularly when one partner’s past betrayal looms (source: Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). His lie about fearing surgery, while protective, erodes the honesty she craves.

Dr. Esther Perel, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust grows from vulnerable truth; sidestepping hard talks builds walls, not bridges” (source: Mating in Captivity). Perel’s insight urges him to come clean gently, framing his stance as about life’s unpredictability, not doubt in her. His humor about not “burning bridges” shows self-awareness but needs softening for her ears.

He should start with love: “You’re my everything, and I’m all in on no kids now. I just worry about locking in forever, in case life surprises us.” Exploring non-hormonal options, like copper IUDs, could share the load (source: Planned Parenthood). Couples therapy, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (source: AAMFT), can navigate trust hiccups. Honesty, paired with reassurance, is key.

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s tossing out some zesty takes on this guy’s vasectomy dodge—brace for candid, chuckle-worthy reactions!

SquareMinimum6042 − This is one of those situations where No is a complete sentence.

tallnotsmall − You're 21 years old. Thing change. Don't make any decisions that could affect your whole life.

ADVERTISEMENT

dogmeat1983 − As someone who just had a vasectomy. I feel obliged to inform you that they are not as reversible as people are leading you to believe. The doctor hammered that home prior to my surgery. Don't get one thinking you'll get it reversed down the line.

Sledgehammer925 − Why not try to be honest and tell her that you’re not ready to make a permanent decision?

jaynepierce − In my opinion you really shouldn’t have to get into deep detail about why you don’t want to do it. If I had a partner who was pressuring me into an operation, it would be my opinion that my simple “no I don’t want to do that” would be enough.

ADVERTISEMENT

Some_Experience_3543 − You’re only 21, your frontal lobe isn’t even developed. Don’t let her coerce you into that. You’re not even a firm no kids. That in itself is reason enough… I know people who had the exact situation of breaking up and finding a new partner who wanted kids.. Just tell her it’s not happening end of discussion and you’ll use condoms.

robynhood96 − “My body, my choice” also applies to men.

Mandalorian_2019 − Don’t listen to anyone that says vasectomies can be reversed. They can be reversed sometimes, but not all. They are complicated procedures and your insurance likely won’t be converting them. When you get a vasectomy, you usually have to undergo counseling about it. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if a urologist refused to do yours given your age.

ADVERTISEMENT

You are exactly right in that this relationship shouldn’t be considered forever and a vasectomy shouldn’t be a sign of your loyalty to her. She sounds like an unstable person and this will only become more of an issue in the future. If this is a dealbreaker for her, then let her walk. I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone like this.

barbaramillicent − You tell her that you’re both young and you’re just not ready to close that door yet.

popzelda − Your body, your choice. Period. Use birth control.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors are serving up spicy advice, but are they nailing the vibe, or just stirring the pot?

This young man’s story is a heartfelt dance of love and caution, wrestling with a vasectomy choice that could ripple through his girlfriend’s trust. His divorce-shaped wariness clashes with her dream of an unbreakable bond, and his lie about surgery only muddies the waters. Can he bare his truth with enough care to keep her heart safe, or will fear of hurt silence him? What would you do when honesty risks rocking a rock-solid love? Drop your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s untangle this!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *