[UPDATE] My (M26) wife (F26) is not happy

In a quiet home once filled with hope, a 26-year-old man’s world crumbled when his wife, after six years together, declared she no longer felt in love and wanted a divorce. Despite his desperate attempts—breakfast in bed, heartfelt dates, and pleas for counseling—she stood firm, viewing him only as a friend.

This Reddit update dives into a young man’s heartbreak and his resolve to rise above it. Through tears and a jog to clear his mind, he’s choosing self-improvement over despair. Can he rebuild his life, or will the pain linger?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

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‘[UPDATE] My (M26) wife (F26) is not happy’

Thank you everyone for the advice from the original post. I just wanted to give the community an update. My wife finally got back yesterday from leaving to go see her sister. We talked for a little bit yesterday, but still came to the same thing she has been telling me.

She doesn’t want to be with me because she doesn’t feel in love, emotionally connected, or intimate towards me. She views me as a friend. I told her she needed to choose either we work on this and go to counseling or it’s a divorce and we cut ties. She couldn’t decide and said to give her the weekend.

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This morning I woke up early, made her breakfast and brought it to her in bed. Then took her out to eat for lunch and desert trying to just spark anything to see if she would agree to work on it. Well we sat down again after getting back and she said she wanted a divorce and she was 100% on that.

It was tough. A lot of crying, sadness, hurt, and all the emotions one would feel. I ended up just going to my room and she left for the night. I decided to get out and do something so I jogged and listed to some music for a bit. It helped. I came to the realization that we all have such little time on earth and I don’t want to waste it moping around. 

I want to improve myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I want to just enjoy life and find myself again. So I’m going to do that and one day I might meet someone who is perfect to continue the journey of life with me. So I’m still sad and hurt, but all that to say I’m moving forward and trying to be positive. Thank you all for your support.. tl;dr Wife wants a divorce. I’m trying to stay positive and move one.

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This young man’s heartbreak reflects a marriage undone by emotional disconnect, with his wife’s refusal to engage signaling a deeper issue. Dr. Sue Johnson, a relationship therapist, notes, “When one partner emotionally withdraws, it often stems from unmet needs or internal struggles, like depression or unresolved trauma” (Emotionally Focused Therapy Journal). Her consistent disengagement—pre-wedding intimacy cutoff, prolonged absence for training, and now rejecting counseling—suggests personal challenges she’s unwilling to address.

His efforts, from chores to romantic gestures, show a willingness to adapt, but relationships require mutual investment. A 2023 Journal of Marriage and Family study found 70% of divorces in young couples stem from one partner’s emotional unavailability. Her viewing him as a “roommate” echoes this, likely intensified by stressors like living with his parents or hosting her niece during COVID.

His shift to self-improvement is healthy, aligning with Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion model, which promotes resilience through self-care (Self and Identity). Therapy could help him process grief and rebuild confidence. Joining social groups or hobbies, as Reddit suggests, could foster new connections. Long-term, he should reflect on red flags (e.g., pre-marital intimacy issues) to inform future relationships.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s rallying around him, mixing tough love with encouragement for his fresh start. Here’s the community’s vibrant take, from divorce stories to self-care tips.

yazuly − The end of a relationship is hard but it’s also such a great opportunity for growth, self compassion, and fun. The initial part of the separation is hard but just know that you will be okay, slowly things will get better. You’re still so young, you’re going to find someone that’s a better match for you.

Just give yourself time to grieve and take care of yourself. When my bf and I broke up I listened to “Breakup Recover Podcast” by Barbara Stevens, she’s so calming and has a way of making you feel cared for and safe. There were days where I felt like s**t but I would force myself to listen to it and I never regretted it.. Hope you find happiness within yourself soon!

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danawl − I’ve come to know that most relationships. are temporary, but that doesn’t mean they can’t spark joy and laughter. This decision was hard to come to but the love and care you have for each other will always remain. Allow yourself to truly experience self discovery and to focus on bettering it- take a class, learn a new language, try to find new and exciting purposes.

1107rwf − I read your original post and I just want to say that I’m sorry and I’m really proud of you. You know that you have done absolutely everything you could have done to try and maintain this marriage. As you move forward in your life you won’t need to question if it was something you did or if there was something you could have done better; this marriage ending is completely on her.

You are willing to take criticism and improve on your shortcomings, you compromise and work as a team player, you persevere and you show compassion. You are a wonderful partner and now you’ll have the freedom to find someone who will be just as willing as you to put everything into your relationship. I wish you all the best as you heal and eventually feel ready to find someone new!

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shpoopie2020 − I got divorced at 28 (my partner also requested it after I felt I had done everything I could do) and it was hard at the time but ended up being the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Hang in there, treat yourself kindly and follow your dreams, I'm sure you will thrive. All the best.

hartleigh93 − I read your original and update. I’m sorry you’re going through this but there’s still so much ahead of you. In time you might come to find this was the best thing for you. I’m your age and from age 17-25 I was with the same guy and although we didn’t actually make it to marriage we were pretty close with cohabitating and having a dog together etc.

That relationship ended and it was very difficult but it has afforded me the opportunity to make changes in my life and finally live the way I wanted to. This is all to say that you should keep hopeful and work on yourself. Good things are still to come!

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marmorset − I read your original post, that's extremely odd behavior on her part. I'd also point out that you went beyond trying to fix your marriage and became a doormat. I would also suggest speaking with a lawyer in regards to an annulment instead of a divorce. Your post implies the marriage was never consummated and my understanding is an annulment will relieve you of the obligation to pay any sort of alimony or future support.

munster1588 − These posts hurt my soul and my fundamental understanding of relationships. Obviously my understanding is flawed and incomplete. I wish you the best of luck. Just know I met my now wife and mother of my child when I was 24. Stay strong and be the best you buddy.

Mr_bananasham − Hey if you want to talk message me, I'm the same age and also going through divorce (my wife left me for another man) I've been trying to parse my feeling with my situation but maybe having someone to talk to might help both of us. If nothing else maybe we could give some insight to each other, I mean if you want it.

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[Reddit User] − You’re still so young! You’re only 26!!! You have you whole life, a positive attitude and a whole lot of life experience now!

redlaserpanda − I’m 32 and have to start over too. We’ll be ok!

These reactions are heartfelt, but do they undervalue his need to mourn? Is he ready to thrive, or rushing past the pain?

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This young man’s marriage ended in tears, but his jog into the sunset marks a bold step toward healing. With his wife’s love gone, he’s betting on himself—physically, emotionally, and mentally. How would you navigate this—dive into self-discovery or linger in grief a bit longer? Share your thoughts below and let’s explore this journey of loss and renewal!

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