My (22m) girlfriend (20F) told me that she’s attracted to my brother (26m)

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In the dim glow of a late-night bedroom chat, a 22-year-old man felt his heart sink as his girlfriend of two years casually confessed she’s drawn to his brother’s towering, muscular frame. The air grew heavy with unspoken hurt, as her words—meant as a harmless fantasy—cut deeper than she realized, leaving him grappling with bruised confidence. This isn’t just a story of a thoughtless remark; it’s a vivid snapshot of young love tested by insensitivity, where trust and self-worth hang in the balance.

As he wrestles with whether to confront her or let it slide, the weight of her comparison to his 6’5 former lineman brother lingers like an uninvited guest. Shared on Reddit, his tale pulls readers into a relatable whirl of emotions—love, insecurity, and the sting of careless words. Can a relationship survive such a misstep, or is this a crack too wide to mend?

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‘My (22m) girlfriend (20F) told me that she’s attracted to my brother (26m)’

So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and she’s the only girl I’ve ever dated and I love her so much but she can be really insensitive sometimes and I’m starting to think I might not be able to get over this one, so here’s what happened.

So we were laying in bed talking about fantasies and stuff, and she started telling me about how she’s always had this fantasy of being dominated by like a really muscular tall guy. At first I didn’t care I was laughing about it and saying “Well sorry I can’t help you with that unless you’re willing to give me a few years to hit the gym and see if I can pull it off”.

It didn’t matter to me because it was just a fantasy and it’s not like I don’t have any fantasies. But she says well you can never be that, I’m talking about some one like your brother (my brother is like 6’5, former defensive lineman). When she said that, I told her excuse me what’s that supposed to mean?

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She said oh no I meant it like body type-wise, that’s the body type that I’m attracted to. So I told her you’re saying you’re more attracted to my brother than you are to me? She said well yeah but just physical attraction, you can’t get mad at me for having a type. Obviously I was livid when I heard that but I didn’t wanna seem petty so I ended that conversation.

Keep in mind that I’m not short (I’m 6’1) and I’m definitely not muscular but I’m not too skinny either. So now my best friend thinks it’s disrespectful and that I should break it up with her, to be honest my self-esteem has taken a big hit but is this really a good enough reason to breakup with someone? Should I bring it up with her again and tell her how offended I am or just let it go?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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A partner’s careless comment can hit like a punch to the gut, especially when it involves a sibling. The young man’s hurt over his girlfriend’s attraction to his brother’s physique reveals a breach of tact that shakes trust. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, notes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.” Her remark, though framed as a fantasy, disrespects his feelings, fueling insecurity.

The girlfriend’s defense—that it’s just a “type”—misses the mark, as comparing a partner to a close family member crosses an emotional line. A 2022 study found that 68% of young adults cite communication issues, like insensitive remarks, as a key relationship stressor. Her insensitivity contrasts with his attempt to brush it off, showing a dynamic where he suppresses hurt to avoid seeming petty.

Gottman advises “turning toward” a partner’s bids for connection, which here means addressing the hurt openly. The man should express how her words impacted his self-esteem, using “I feel” statements to foster understanding. She needs to acknowledge the misstep and commit to greater tact. Couples therapy, if accessible, could help them navigate such conflicts, as experts suggest for young relationships. This moment offers a chance to grow, urging readers to prioritize respect in their own bonds.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd jumped in like a lively group chat, tossing out support and shade with equal gusto. It’s like a virtual coffee shop where everyone’s got a hot take on this girlfriend’s fumble. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crew:

[Reddit User] − Imagine if you have told her your attracted to her friends with bigger breasts and ass. Or that she’s not as attractive like your other friends and then also tell her she’ll never be like that? She would be pissed as all hell and would give you s**t and rightfully so because that’s fucked up.

It‘s truly something how she’ll tell you easily how she’s attracted to someone else physically than you, her own boyfriend. It’s also more hurtful how she said you can never be that AND uses your brother as an example of what she’s attracted to.

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It’s demeaning. Even though it might sound like an honest comment from her, it’s still insensitive of her to say. They are things that people should just know not to say to others and/or say out loud. If you love her and want to keep this relationship going, you have to sit her down and have an honest conversation about this.

Tell her that her insensitive comments (while sounding like harmless comments from her) actually hurt you and make you feel unconfortable. Tell her that if you were to make comments about her (whether they be about her weight, looks, clothes, body, etc) she for sure would feel uncomfortable and would not like that at all.

Just let her know this. Maybe she might understand if you show her that her comments can come off as hurtful and that sometimes she just needs to keep her words and comments to herself. If after she still doesn’t understand, then maybe you have to rethink your relationship with her.

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Think about it. Will you really let your self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom because of your gf? No one deserves to be told that they’ll never be what others are. Find someone who RESPECTS you first and foremost and loves you for your traits that you possess now as well as your flaws. Someone who can help you grow and develop as a person with a good character and heart.. (Sorry if this is long, just had a lot to say)

liluyvene − This is the equivalent of you telling her you wish she looked more like your favorite porn stars. It ruins women’s self esteem, in the same way she ruined yours.. This isn’t something you need to forgive if you find it i**olerable to think about. I’d say give it time for you to think it over - but don’t be harsh on yourself if you can’t move past it. Everyone has their limits.

[Reddit User] − She just did a dumb dumb.

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WildlyUninteresting − There are statements that are relationship killers. This is an example. This conversation would have been as equally bad if you said you wanted to have s** with someone hot with a big chest like her sister.. She would have felt the same way.. She just told you that you weren't attractive and tall enough and prefers your brother.

No amount on mental gymnastics will fix it for you. You will always feel less and honestly she's not dating the type she wants. She's really settling.. She just killed the relationship.. At least it's before you were married or something more final.

pschologicaltoe-99 − Now your going to become more suspicious around her when ever you see your brother. If she switches to flirty when shes around him then call her out and d**p her.

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fmlwhateven − Definitely an insensitive and stupid thing to say aloud, no matter what she thinks. However, there is a difference between fantasy and real life. She likes your brother's body type (not even his face, so he probably just happens to be the easiest comparison she could make at the time), but it doesn't mean she's attracted to him as a person, or would drop you for him if given the chance.

It also doesn't mean she's not attracted to your body type (or you) either; it's just not as *whatever* as she'd want, in an ideal world. Just as how we're sometimes not as curvy, or tall, or good at cooking, or into s**, or as sensitive to people's feelings (like your girlfriend is) as others would want.

Love is more than just physical attraction. Break it off if you really can't get over it, but talk to her first about how her comment made you feel hurt and insecure, clarify she's not lusting after your brother, and talk about what you love about each other that goes beyond appearances.

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This isn't an insurmountable obstacle, and can be a learning moment for your girlfriend to work on her tact if you love everything else about her.. All the best. **Edit:** Looking at your edits, I'm thinking she made that comparison because she's seen your brother in person.

It was still stupid to say it aloud, but seeing the body of Chris Hemsworth on screen has nowhere near the same impact as seeing (something like) it in real life, and I can sorta see why she would use your brother as a descriptor if his body type is something you have both seen personally.

I still don't think it means she's sexualizing your brother especially though. But if that's the sore spot, bring that up in your conversation with her as well. Mentioning people you know in relation to s** is generally a recipe for disaster, and it's best to keep the comparisons to a minimum.

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wyldstylekenobi − Bruh: [pinky up]. This is the first woman you have ever dated. Do you think perhaps you love her so much BECAUSE she is the first woman you ever dated? You admit she can be insensitive sometimes. Do you really think that you can't find someone else that isn't insensitive?

To be clear, no woman will ever be perfect but you can find someone who is perfect for YOU! Especially while you are still young and don't have children, the world is your oyster! Please, take it from someone who married her 'high school sweetheart' [quotes because we went to different schools but despite that, people insist on calling it that][we have been divorced for just as long as we were together at this point, so I feel safe saying this], there is SO much more out there!

[Reddit User] − Naw dude thats definitely a pretty bone headed remark. I'm not going to be that redditor that says 'END IT NOW', but you have every right to feel annoyed by that. She needs to think before she speaks.

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blackdweebgirl30 − I just broke up with my ex fiance of 7 years because he was weirdly obsessed with my lesbian sister, among other things. So in my opinion I would break up with her, its just too high of a risk to take.

Sable_star − Why aren’t you broken up yet I just read the title.

These Redditors called out the girlfriend’s tactless jab, urging the man to stand up for his worth. Some saw it as a dealbreaker, others a fixable flub. But do their spicy opinions nail the full story, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this drama’s got everyone talking.

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This young man’s tale of love bruised by a thoughtless comment reminds us how fragile trust can be in young relationships. From a cozy bedroom chat to a stinging comparison, his story captures the growing pains of balancing love and self-respect. As he weighs confronting his girlfriend or moving on, he invites us to reflect on where we draw the line. What would you do if a partner’s words shook your confidence? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this heart-tugger together!

For those who want to read the sequel:[UPDATE] My (22m) girlfriend (20F) told me that she’s attracted to my brother (26m)

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