[UPDATE] My (34M) wife (33F) cheated and is now pregnant.

In a quiet suburban home, a 34-year-old man sat across from his wife, Anna, expecting answers about her infidelity. Instead, he uncovered a painful truth: what he thought was betrayal was an assault by a relative who’d harassed her for years. The revelation, paired with a paternity test confirming their unborn child is his, turned his world upside down.

This Reddit update swaps anger for empathy, as he grapples with Anna’s trauma, their sons’ well-being, and a temporary separation. Their high school sweetheart love faces its toughest test yet, pulling readers into a story of healing, trust, and tough choices. Can they rebuild, or is distance the kindest path?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

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‘[UPDATE] My (34M) wife (33M) cheated and is now pregnant.’

So the DNA reports came back. And the baby is mine.. I wasn't even surprised at this point. The day we sat down and talked, she told me she had returned home to immediately take her birth control pill. So she was certain the baby would be mine and she once again said if by any chance it was the other guy's she would abort the baby.

That she had no plans or desire to have kids with anyone except me. I won't lie, her words were a good comfort to me. I could tell she was telling the truth. I've been reading too many reddit stories of men finding out their wives were all too willing to have some random man's child. I cannot lie, even the idea of that made me sick.

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I asked her if she'd keep this baby even if I filed for divorce. She said yes. So, that's where we're at in terms of the baby. As for the other guy, not disclosing too many details, it was a relative of hers. An older cousin who had been harassing her for a long time (literally since before we even met).

She just never said anything to me or complained because her family (and frankly mine too) are obsessed with the entire 'family comes before all' mindset. I'm seeing this pressure to keep everything together happen to me in real time after all. Anyway, long story short, he had returned to our hometown around 3 months ago and started texting, followed and harassing her.

Hence why all the blocked numbers and repeated texts of being happy with me and loving only me. She admitted to sending him a videotape of us being intimate as a way to make him ashamed of her and leave her alone. That she had repeatedly spoken about me and mocked him when he insisted he could do better.

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She thinks all this goading and insulting had triggered him to attack her and she never said anything to me because she is certain it was her fault for 'engaging' with him. That if she had ignored him like before, he'd have just left her alone.. I've seen enough texts, confronted enough people and heard enough to confirm she isn't lying.

Now I'm just focused on getting this woman the therapy it turns out she has needed for a long time.. I have decided on legal separation for now but haven't met with the lawyer yet. Our kids will have both of us of course and I'm happy to know at least my irrational hate for the baby is gone. It's the only positive thing I'm feeling right now.

I'm beginning to think clearer now. Reddit has helped me feel confident in protecting myself. I don't feel quite so selfish now. I will support Anna because she desperately needs it. Our relationship needs work but that comes second to her health, our baby and our sons. I'm going to work on us but I'm also taking steps to protect myself and the boys. I have reddit to thank for giving me the confidence to do this and not feel guilty. Much thanks for that.

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Edit: I am not divorcing her. It's a temorary separation because she needs to heal first before we can be a couple again. Her response to being harassed by that man was putting herself on me. She admitted our first time (over 10 years ago) was in part influenced by his obsession with her virginity.

Meaning our first time happened before she was actually ready for something like that.. Her response to his texts was sending intimate videos of us.. Her response to me trying to get some space was trying to seduce me back into bed with her.

I'm not a therapist. But that attitude is not healthy. That much even I can tell. Right now her idea of therapy is to pretend like nothing happened and try to get intimate with me at any opportunity.

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And she takes me saying no as rejecting her for being used. I'm not helping her with this separation I know, but I can tell I'm not helping her cope by being too close either. A little separation is best as suggested by the Therapist and Lawyer. Yes, I know she didn't cheat. It's that the title has to be same for an update. I'm not calling her a**ault cheating.

This update flips the script, revealing Anna’s “affair” as an assault, a bombshell that reshapes the couple’s crisis. Dr. Judith Herman, a trauma expert, notes, “Survivors often blame themselves, internalizing shame that belongs to the perpetrator.” Anna’s self-blame and unhealthy coping—like sending intimate videos to deter her harasser—signal deep trauma, needing urgent therapy.

Her husband’s choice of separation, not divorce, shows wisdom. He’s prioritizing her healing while protecting his emotional boundaries, crucial when trust is shaky. A 2021 study found 75% of trauma survivors benefit from therapy within six months, aiding recovery and relationship repair.

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Anna’s fixation on intimacy as validation suggests distorted self-worth, common in assault survivors. Therapy can help her reframe this, but it’s a long road. He’s right to focus on their kids and her health, but couples counseling could bridge their gap later.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s buzzing with reactions, from skepticism to support, as users unpack this complex twist. Here’s the community’s raw take on the couple’s next steps.

Wickedwhiskbaker − You’re not obligated to answer these questions, I’m just trying to gain a better understanding. Cousin SA’d her. This has been confirmed by sources within the family? Has the cousin attempted grooming her in years past? The tape of the two of you was sent to the cousin under duress, willingly, and to what end? I’m confused on this piece especially. I’m not implying your wife is lying, there’s just a lot said that is missing context.

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Either way, your wife needs therapy. You’re right to support that, her health, your sons, and this baby. Therapy might be a good choice for you too. Sometimes just having an outside and objective person to ideate with is tremendously beneficial. This is a complex situation. I hope wisdom, peace, and resolution rise to meet you with every step of this journey.

accj30 − But if she was SAed, what was the reason for the separation? Is it because she hid it? And even if you believe in her, will you remain separated? So do you blame her or don't you really believe her? I found it very incoherent on your part

Mollys19 − She sent him a s**ual video of you two?

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[Reddit User] − This is so fake.

Kooky-Today-3172 − What you saying that your wife was raped, she didn't consent? If this is It the only thing she did wrong is sent a intimate video of you to him without your consent.

alwayssunnyinclapham − This is just so fake. Come on…cheating wife then turns out it’s actually nothing like that and a baby involved. People can do better with these works of fiction.

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Purple_Grass_5300 − This sounds like rape. Not many people willingly f**k their cousins

LadyBug_0570 − She thinks all this goading and insulting had triggered him to attack her and she never said anything to me because she is certain it was her fault for 'engaging' with him So... your wife didn't cheat? She was raped by a relative? Why are you calling her being violated against her will 'cheating'?

LaDolceVita8888 − This all sounds sus.

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RandomRedditor_1916 − This screams bs to me, surely.

These opinions swing wide, but do they capture the full story? Is Anna’s trauma being fairly judged, or are Redditors missing the mark?

This couple’s journey took a gut-wrenching turn, from betrayal to a trauma that demands healing over haste. With two boys, a baby on the way, and a fractured bond, the husband’s balancing love, duty, and self-care. What would you do in his shoes—stand by Anna through therapy or keep the distance? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this emotional crossroads!

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