I (f21) don’t like my transgender friend (ftm 21) anymore post-transition & I want to cut him off.

A lifelong friendship teeters as a young woman grapples with her transgender friend’s transformation—not just in identity, but in attitude. Once bonded over shared feminine interests, she now faces his harsh criticism of her passions and resistance to new boundaries, like refusing to share a bed. Their constant arguments and his dismissal of her feelings have eroded their connection, leaving her longing to part ways.

Reddit offers a mix of empathy and blunt advice, urging her to prioritize peace. This article delves into the delicate unraveling of a cherished bond, exploring how identity shifts can challenge even the deepest friendships.

‘I (f21) don’t like my transgender friend (ftm 21) anymore post-transition & I want to cut him off.’

The unraveling of this woman’s friendship with James highlights the complexities of identity shifts within close relationships. His transition from identifying as a woman to a man brought not only a change in gender but also a stark shift in behavior—most notably, a rejection of femininity that feels misogynistic to her. His dismissive comments about makeup, skincare, and music she loves aren’t just personal jabs; they undermine her identity, creating a toxic dynamic. His resistance to her boundary against cuddling, a once-comfortable habit, further erodes trust, as he dismisses her discomfort as rejection.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Respectful communication is the bedrock of any relationship.” James’s refusal to engage with her concerns—using his trans identity to justify rudeness—signals a lack of mutual respect. Her discomfort with physical closeness reflects a natural evolution of boundaries, especially as about 70% of adults adjust physical intimacy norms with opposite-gender friends post-adolescence, per social psychology studies. His reaction, storming off over a guest bedroom, prioritizes his feelings over hers, a pattern that fuels their conflicts.

The broader issue is navigating friendships through major life changes. Transitioning can involve redefining one’s relationship with societal norms, but James’s hostility suggests an overcompensation that alienates his friend. She’s tried dialogue, but his inflexibility leaves little room for repair. A gentle cutoff, as Reddit advises, could involve a clear message: “I value our history, but our differences make friendship too strained now.” Therapy could help her process guilt over ending a lifelong bond. Long-term, seeking friends who share her values will rebuild her social circle.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s community offered a mix of empathy and tough love, urging her to prioritize her peace while acknowledging the friendship’s strain. Here’s their perspective:

These Reddit insights cut to the core, but can she part ways without pain? Is there hope for reconciliation?

This story of a fraying friendship reveals how personal transformations can test even lifelong bonds. James’s transition reshaped not just his identity but his respect for his friend’s femininity, leaving her hurt and disconnected. Her desire to end the friendship, despite their history, prioritizes her peace.

Reddit’s call for honesty and boundaries offers a path forward, but the loss stings. So, readers, what’s your take? How do you navigate a friend’s changed behavior? Any advice for ending a friendship kindly? Share your stories below and let’s keep the conversation flowing!