Mother [60F] and daughter [42F] are suddenly estranged and Mother does not completely understand why this has happened. Mother is looking for insight as to how to fix the situation?
In a cozy diner where the clink of coffee cups once echoed, a 60-year-old single mom poured her heart into raising her daughter, now a vibrant third-grade teacher. Their bond, woven through years of shared laughter and late-night talks, felt unbreakable—like a warm quilt stitched with love. But lately, a chilling silence has settled between them.
After a devastating phone call where her daughter firmly declared, “You can’t come to my home,” the mother’s world tilted. Shock and hurt swirled as she faced an unthinkable reality: her daughter might let her struggle alone. This tale of family ties tested by unspoken boundaries, financial woes, and the ache of fading closeness unfolds with a devoted grandmother fighting to reclaim the love she thought was forever, painting a vivid picture of resilience amid heartbreak.
‘Mother [60F] and daughter [42F] are suddenly estranged and Mother does not completely understand why this has happened. Mother is looking for insight as to how to fix the situation?’
Family rifts can sting like a winter wind, especially when they involve a mother and daughter once as close as these two. The mother’s shock at her daughter’s firm boundary—“You can’t come to my home”—reveals a clash of expectations. The mother, shaped by a family ethos of unconditional support, assumed her daughter would be her safety net. Dr. Pauline Boss, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Ambiguous loss, like estrangement, can be profoundly painful because the relationship is neither fully present nor fully gone”.
Here, the mother grapples with this loss, mourning the closeness she once knew. The daughter’s bluntness, while harsh, may stem from her own stress or a need to assert autonomy, especially if past enmeshment blurred their roles. A 2021 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 27% of adult children report estrangement from a parent, often citing boundary violations or differing values.
The mother’s reliance on her daughter for emotional and potential financial support may have strained their dynamic. The daughter’s insistence on boundaries, though delivered coldly, aligns with her husband’s perspective, suggesting a shift toward her nuclear family’s needs. This isn’t uncommon—many adult children prioritize their immediate family over extended relatives, especially under pressure. The mother’s hurt is valid, but her daughter’s stance reflects a modern emphasis on self-preservation.
The mother should continue her efforts at open communication, as seen in her late-night call, acknowledging her daughter’s need for space while expressing her own feelings. Setting clear boundaries, like agreeing on regular grandparent visits, can rebuild trust. She might also seek support from a therapist to process her grief and financial stress, reducing reliance on her daughter. Engaging in community resources, like job placement programs, can ease her financial burden.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit’s hive mind served up a lively mix of tough love and sharp insights. Some urged the mother to untangle potential enmeshment, pointing to her daughter’s need for space as a healthy boundary.
Others emphasized financial independence, suggesting she move to a more affordable place rather than cling to proximity with her grandchildren. A few speculated on hidden childhood resentments or the son-in-law’s influence, while others called out the mother’s emotional reliance as a strain on the relationship.
![[Reddit User] − I want to return to the close relationship we had before So...the picture of a close mother-daughter relationship is SO far off from the cold behavior described in this post that I have to think there's a lot of missing info here. When did your relationship with her start to change? Can you pinpoint it?](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/181743c-06.png)
![What WAS your prior plan? Are your back-up plans in fact just s**t-talking your daughter to your other family instead of saying something polite like '\[Daughter\] can't take me in because she has two young children right now and enough on her plate'?](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/181743c-15.png)
![[Reddit User] − You mention two times when your daughter warned you moving in with her wasn't an option. Why didn't you believe her?](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/181743c-24.png)
This mother’s journey—from diner shifts to a painful rift with her daughter—tugs at the heartstrings. Her fight to stay near her grandchildren while facing financial strain and emotional distance is a reminder that family bonds, though resilient, can fray under pressure.
Yet, her recent call with her daughter offers a glimmer of hope, a step toward mending what’s broken. Readers, what would you do if faced with such a divide? How would you balance love, boundaries, and independence? Share your stories and wisdom below—let’s spark a conversation about healing family ties.
