AITA if i give my ex husband clothes that don’t fit our kids?

In a quiet suburban home, a mother of three juggles school runs, sports practices, and the weight of raising her kids alone, her ex-husband’s absence looming large. With a deep sigh, she packs their overnight bags for his weekly visits, only to face a laundry pile when they return. This time, though, his demand for “his share” of the kids’ clothes—items she’s bought single-handedly—pushes her patience to the brink, leading to a petty yet pointed retaliation that’s got everyone talking.

Her story, shared on Reddit, captures the raw frustration of co-parenting with someone who dodges responsibility while making bold claims. It’s a tale of standing up to entitlement, sprinkled with a dash of spite, that resonates with anyone who’s navigated the messy waters of divorce. As her ex fires off angry texts, the question lingers: did she go too far, or was this a clever way to expose his neglect?

‘AITA if i give my ex husband clothes that don’t fit our kids?’

For context: My ex and I split close to 2 years ago. We share a 12, 8 and 4 year old who i have full time custody of and my ex has every Friday 4pm till Saturday 8pm. He pays no childsupport(owes a lot but just doesn't pay) and I pay for everything that the kids need throughout the year including school supplies/uniforms and sport/extra curricular activities etc.

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Typically when my ex picks the kids up from school on Friday he will swing by my house and grab the bags I've packed that have pjs, toothbrushes, clothes and shoes for the kids for their time with him and then he just returns the bags full of dirty uniforms and clothes when he drops them off for me to wash.

Last week we had an argument because I told him be needed to buy clothes for the kids for his house as I was sick of packing them bags and then having to wash it all when he drops them off. He says he shouldn't have to as he brought the kids clothes/toys when we were together etc and he didn't take any when we we separated so I owe him half the kids clothes.

So I gave them to him. Not the clothes that they have now that I've brought them in recent months as they grew. I gave him half the clothes that the kids were wearing when we separated. So the size 2, 5 and 10 clothes which I had in the garage. Now my ex is bombarding my phone with texts insulting me saying I'm a horrible person for it and that i owe him still..

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So am I the a**hole?. Edit as people can't seem to read: Obviously I am not expecting my children to wear clothes that don't fit them. I simply gave them to my ex as he was claiming he was owed them from when we were together. So yes, that was me being petty against my ex. But i wouldn't make my kids suffer. that's messed up.

My lawyer is actively seeking child support. My ex is being contacted weekly for it(phone calls and letters) but it's difficult as he doesn't have a wage to gsrnish. Self employed taking shareholder something/drawings(i don't understand it, but essentially, they can't garnish it).

I will receive a small amount in the next month or 2 as my ex filed his taxes for the year, and he was owed a refund, which will come directly to me as child support. He has made it very clear if I take him to court, he will make things difficult for me. Inclduing, he will try to go for full custody. Both of us know he would never get it, he admits he won't.

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But he knows that I don't want the kids to go through a court case as they will be interviewed as part of it and I have trauma from going through the same when I was a kid. As far as our kids are aware, their dad and I are friends(again, trauma from my parents' messy divorce, so we've made sure the kids don't see anything except in the very beginning)

Navigating co-parenting disputes can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of petty arguments. This mother’s decision to hand over outdated clothes was a bold jab at her ex’s entitlement, but it risks escalating tensions that could affect their kids. Both sides have valid frustrations: she’s burdened with all financial responsibilities, while he clings to contributions from their past marriage. Yet, his refusal to support their growing children’s needs—clothing included—highlights a deeper issue of accountability.

This scenario reflects broader challenges in co-parenting, where financial disputes often mask emotional rifts. According to a 2023 study by the U.S. Census Bureau, only 44% of custodial parents receive the full child support owed (source), leaving many like this mother to fill the gap. Her pettiness, while satisfying, might provoke retaliation, as her ex’s custody threats suggest.

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Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes communication as key: “Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it determines whether it strengthens or fractures your family” (source). Here, the mother’s action, though cathartic, sidesteps direct dialogue. Gottman’s insight suggests that addressing the root issue—his financial neglect—through clear boundaries or legal channels could better serve the kids.

To move forward, she should document his non-payment and pursue court-ordered support, as Reddit users suggest. Mediation could help set firm expectations, like shared clothing responsibilities, without petty escalations. By focusing on the kids’ stability, she can rise above his insults and model resilience.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, dishing out a mix of cheers and reality checks for this mom’s petty move. Here’s a peek at the community’s hot takes:

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residentcaprice − honestly you should go back to court to get the child support he owes. also the judge wouldn't be so kind to a man who doesn't provide for his kids and insults his ex who does.

TimberGoingDown − NTA. Take him to court and put the screws to him. The judge will either make him pay or put him in jail, take his DL, or revoke his custody. His custody is partially conditional on him upholding the rest of the custody agreement, including paying court ordered CS.

LadyLixerwyfe − Your kids are the ones that will end up suffering here. Go back to court.

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SheparDox − ESH.. He's an AH for not supporting his kids. You're an AH for putting pettiness over your children's well-being and comfort while visiting their father (because *you know* deadbeats don't go out of their way for their kids).. Let's say it together now, everyone!. 👏IN👏THE👏BEST👏INTEREST👏OF👏THE👏CHILD👏

Edit: ugh, for everyone assuming that I'm calling the OP out for whatever she does next weekend in regards to clothing her children and sending them to their father - I didn't write *anything* about that. I called her out for *deliberately* antagonizing her ex-husband in a situation that *specifically concerns their young children* and not thinking about the possible reaction from her ex, or the effects it will have on her kids.

The family court system *SPECIFICALLY* tries to prevent petty crap like this, but the OP thinks the 'nobler' option is to not take him to court for his back child support.. She did all this over *laundry*, guys.

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armomo3 − NTA If he refuses to do anything for the kids, is he even taking care of them when he has them? I'd ask the 10 yr old.

refreshthezest − No, he sounds like the AH - however, the people that really suffer in this relationship are the kids, better to have peaceful co-parenting if possible. Perhaps try setting boundaries with him and stare that you will only have discussions with him regarding the kids, and if he continues to insult you have a mediator to go between you two.

Can you go back to court and outline who is responsible for what? He needs to suck it up and buy the children clothing. He shouldn’t react that way, I would just not respond or give him a reaction as hard as that would be. Wild to me that he doesn’t understand that children outgrow clothing when you have a 12 year old …you’re not the AT but I just worry the kids are the one suffering most in the situation.

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Careless_Welder_4048 − NTA I would hope you go back to court to make sure he pays. You might be doing okay but he needs to pay because he needs to. You can put that money in the bank for their colleges or something.

WastingAnotherHour − You know, clothes and shoes I feel like have to play musical houses in situations like this regardless, so whatever. What’s really telling here is that you have to pack stuff that could stay there - toothbrushes? A single pair of pajamas each? I was a kid in divorce and I’m divorced sharing custody of a kid.

He’s an obvious AH and I’ll definitely throw a NTA your way,  but those uniforms will have to come back to you, and by virtue of wearing them the clothes will, meaning they’d have to be repacked and sent back. Him having day clothes there won’t spare you effort so I’d focus on what would stay at his place when you pick battles. Let the kids wear the clothes they want when they want.. You absolutely need to get the court on his ass about child support too.

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YouCommercial4519 − Boy, some men really overestimate their contribution to raising their children

Popular-Parsnip8911 − NTA. He doesn’t pay child support yet you’re writing on Reddit and not to your lawyer?? You should’ve taken him to court like yesterday.

These opinions spark a lively debate, but do they capture the full picture of co-parenting chaos, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This mother’s tale of outgrown clothes and an ex’s entitlement shines a light on the gritty realities of solo parenting amid unresolved disputes. Her petty gesture was a fleeting win, but the real battle lies in securing stability for her kids. What would you do if caught in this tug-of-war between standing your ground and keeping the peace? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar co-parenting clash, and how did you navigate it?

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