How could I (29F) forgive my husband (30M) for calling me a fat cow?

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The soft glow of a nursery lamp lit up the room, but the warmth couldn’t reach a 29-year-old woman, 31 weeks pregnant, curled up on her couch. Her body, carrying their first child, felt like a battlefield after her husband’s stinging words during a heated argument. Once a gym enthusiast, she’s faced pregnancy complications, and his cruel jab at her appearance hit hard, leaving her confidence in tatters.

She used to share every milestone—her growing belly, her hopes—with him. Now, she hides her body and her heart, unable to forgive or feel close. Was this a one-off lapse or a red flag? As she navigates love, hurt, and impending motherhood, let’s explore this emotional tangle and see if trust can be mended.

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‘How could I (29F) forgive my husband (30M) for calling me a fat cow?’

I'm 29 years old, and I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. I used to be very in shape and l'd go to the gym 3-4 times per week. I've had a lot of complications with this pregnancy and I haven't been able to do a lot of physical activity. Despite that, l've had some issues for being underweight given my gestational week.

The other day, my husband and I got into an argument, and he called me a fat cow and a who**. He says he's sorry and that he only said it because he knew it would hurt me, but I haven't been able to forgive him. I don't feel like undressing in front of him, or showing him my belly at all. I can't bring myself to tell him that I love him or show any real affection towards him anymore.. How should continue with this relationship?

Words thrown in anger can wound deeper than any physical blow, especially when you’re pregnant and vulnerable. This woman’s husband crossed a line, using insults to hurt her deliberately. Her struggle to forgive reflects a breach of trust, amplified by her physical and emotional fragility. His apology, tainted by admitting he meant to wound, only muddies the waters.

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This scenario mirrors a broader issue: how couples handle conflict during life’s big moments. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 62% of pregnant women report increased relationship strain due to poor communication. Her husband’s choice to attack her appearance taps into a sensitive spot, given her pregnancy-related body changes.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger, says, “An apology doesn’t erase harm unless it’s backed by changed behavior”. His intent to hurt suggests a need for deeper work—perhaps couples therapy to rebuild trust. She should voice her pain calmly, setting clear boundaries. If he dismisses her, it’s a sign to reassess.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one—here’s the tea, served with a side of sass:

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Inevitable-Bet-4834 − I can't decide what's worse him meaning it or him saying it but to hurt you. Both reveal contempt for you. That's scary esp since you are pregnant. ETA alot of abuse escalates or begins when the victim is pregnant or in some state that the abuser feels she can't leave. Maybe he is emotionally abusing you or gearing up to start.. I can't see how you can move past this

stross_world − Girl I don't know. Because I couldn't. You gave this man a whole baby and he has the audacity to say that.

[Reddit User] − You don't.

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PugGrumbles − So he lobs n**ty insults and body comments to upset you on purpose? What a good partner. Not. You don't forgive that b**lshit. He's an AH and it's unfortunate that you're now tied to him for life by a child.. Don't stay in a relationship where denigration is the default weapon.

Evening_Claim_7720 − He called the future mother of his child a w**e? Is that what you want your child to hear growing up?

PlantAndMetal − You know your husband best. But a fun statistic is that a lot of abusers hide their true self until they believe they have trapped their victim. When a woman gets pregnant, abusers often think they have their victims baby-trapped, so that's when the abuse often starts. It always start small, like this. And they will always have an excuse. It will get worse.. Please leave.

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HavocHeaven − You can’t come back from your partner saying things to intentionally hurt you.

SquishiesandFidgets − You don’t. You start playing nice and get started on your exit strategy. This is the beginning of abuse. It’s only going to get worse from here.

sanguinepsychologist − Abusers don’t always start off abusing their partners. Many times it only comes out when the partner is particularly vulnerable or particularly “tied into” the relationship.. I’m sorry, but no good partner would ever call you those things. Not either of them, *certainly not together*.

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People have arguments all the time. People say things they don’t mean. But it takes a special kind of contempt to say something like *that* to a woman carrying your child. Please remember that if he can say this now, at such a time, over such an argument, he *will* say it again. And next time, your child will be hearing it.

Biauralbeats − He sounds abusive. It can erupt during a pregnancy. Usually it gets worse. I would insist he get accessed for anger management or domestic violence issues.

From fiery calls to leave to warnings about red flags, the comments are a rollercoaster. But do they capture the full picture, or just fan the flames of drama?

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A single argument turned this pregnant woman’s world upside down, leaving her to question love and forgiveness. Her husband’s harsh words were a low blow, but his apology opens a door—will it lead to healing or more hurt? With a baby on the way, she faces tough choices. Have you ever had to forgive a partner’s cruel moment? Drop your thoughts below and let’s untangle this together.

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