I told my pregnant wife how I really feel

In a bustling home, a father juggles a whirlwind of chores, a defiant toddler, and a demanding job, all while his pregnant wife battles relentless nausea. Five months into her second pregnancy, she’s sidelined by hyperemesis gravidarum, leaving him to carry the family alone. A recent vacation offered a fleeting escape, but reality crashes back, triggering a panic attack that lays bare his breaking point. When he confesses feeling crushed, her blunt dismissal cuts deep, painting him as the bad guy.

This isn’t just about dishes or tantrums; it’s a raw snapshot of a marriage strained by unspoken burdens. His plea for support clashes with her own exhaustion, leaving both adrift. As their second child looms, the question hangs: can they bridge this gap, or will the pressure snap their bond? It’s a story that’s as heartbreaking as it is relatable.

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‘I told my pregnant wife how I really feel’

The husband’s struggle spills out in a candid Reddit post, capturing the weight of his responsibilities and the sting of rejection. Here’s his story, unfiltered:

My wife and I are expecting our second child in August. So she is 5 months pregnant. Our first is now 3 years old and has been incredibly challenging pretty much since the start of the pregnancy. It’s all standard 3yo stuff such as tantrums, hitting, biting etc. But my wife and I have very different parenting techniques. I’m very structured and she’s not so much.

My wife also suffers from HG (Hyperemesis gravidarum) which is essentially morning sickness 24/7, throughout the pregnancy. I should also add my wife is a third grade teacher at an incredibly competitive school. Since we found out she is pregnant, understandably so, she has been completely out of commission so I have taken on all responsibility of everything.

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I also work from home so I take care of all the household stuff (laundry, making lunches/dinner etc.) I drop off and pick up my son from daycare, and walk our dog everyday. I also am fully responsible for all the bills (we do however, share our earnings in one account).

We recently went on vacation and it was awesome, we were able to switch off from the real world and had an amazing time as a family. But we’ve been back no more than 5 minutes and s**t has hit the fan.

I had a full on panic attack and then after things calmed down I told my wife that I feel incredibly alone and cannot handle the pressure of everything, especially just how tough our son has been. She basically said to me to figure it out as she has nothing in her to give me.

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I found this really hard to hear given how much I am giving this entire family, I’m just looking for a little support yet I’m being made to feel that I’m an insensitive a**hole just for bringing this up. Am I the a**hole???

This husband’s cry for help is a stark portrait of a family stretched thin, where love battles exhaustion. He’s shouldering every task—cooking, childcare, bills—while managing a challenging toddler and a work-from-home job. His wife’s HG, a brutal condition affecting 1-2% of pregnancies (source: American Pregnancy Association), leaves her incapacitated, but her dismissal of his panic attack—“figure it out”—feels like a betrayal. Their clashing parenting styles, structured versus lenient, only deepen the rift.

Caregiver burnout is real. A 2022 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that 60% of primary caregivers report anxiety and depression from overwhelming responsibilities (source: Frontiers in Psychology). His panic attack signals a breaking point, while her response reflects her own depleted reserves, not malice.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “In high-stress times, small acts of validation can rebuild connection” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the wife’s inability to offer empathy, likely due to HG’s toll, leaves the husband isolated. Gottman’s insight suggests mutual acknowledgment could mend this wound—both are struggling, but neither feels seen.

The couple should seek open dialogue, perhaps with a therapist skilled in perinatal issues, to navigate their stress and align parenting approaches. Support groups for HG partners, like those from the HER Foundation (source: HER Foundation), could help him cope. He might also explore respite, like family help with childcare, to ease his load.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this family’s breaking point—grab a seat for these bold opinions!

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RoutineFocus9429 − Both you and your wife’s gas tanks are on empty. She can’t give more and neither can you. Time to call in the reserves. Do you have friends or family who can help? Are there some tasks that you can hire someone to temporarily help with to give you some breathing room (e.g. dog walker, house cleaner)?

Can you hire a babysitter or have someone you know watch your kid once a week to give you breaks? This is temporary. You will get through it. N T A for speaking up that you are reaching your limit. But if your wife is super sick you can’t expect her to contribute like she did pre pregnancy. NAH.

katy_almost_did − From someone who lived with HG numerous times…. It is all-consuming. It is depressing. You’re fighting the need to vomit 24/7. Being awake is pure misery. It is beyond exhausting and has a long term impact on your health. Get outside help if you need it but your wife is not physically or mentally able to help you with this.

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The only relief I felt was with IV meds that knocked me out for hours at a time. I would not wish it upon the cruelest person on the planet. Parenting alone when you are not a single parent is hard. But please seek help. Your wife would likely help if she could, and when she tells you she can’t, I would be inclined to believe her. Good luck and hope you find a way to get through this painlessly.

rosegoldblonde − NAH. This sounds like an incredibly difficult. If she’s truely so sick and also working and pregnant she probably cannot help more, but it sounds like you’re running yourself into the ground. I agree with the other commenter about outside help.

sterilisedcreampies − HG is so painful and debilitating that we recently had a case in the UK where it caused a woman to commit suicide. If you're also incapacitated then you need someone else to step in because your wife is currently disabled.

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One_Purple_3242 − 1. Get some extra help to relieve the current stressors. 2. Don’t have any more kids.

em_mary − “How much I’m giving this entire family”. She’s giving the family another addition. Unfortunately that time is unpredictable but it doesn’t last forever. You wrote this in a way that sounds like you don’t see her as doing anything.

I think you need to stop counting the acts of service you’re doing for the family you want, chose and made. We all need support but your wife can’t give any. So ask a family member or friend for help. It takes a village so reach out to someone.

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LevelTax4019 − I think yall have too much happening right now. Is there anyone who might be able to help with household chores? A meal train? A dog walker? Auto payments for bills? Find small things that help simply by taking them off your immediate radar.. There are no AHs here, just tired parents with nothing in reserve.

Educational_Bid_483 − I can't tell you if you're the AH or Not. But I can tell you that I had HG and sincerely contemplated ending my life because I couldn't even drink water. It was that bad. I felt like someone was torturing me.

With this being said I had a bakery at the time and only took 1 day off for being hospitalized. It's possible, but it took every single ounce of my soul to go to my shop and be around food. Cut her some slack OR ask a family member or friend to help.

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ImaginaryStyle918 − NAH. But you need to reach outside for help. . Not an affair, lol.... as is the way of many people in your circumstances.  Hire domestic help. Hire a nanny. Put your child into childcare for a half or full days during the week. .

Ask family for help. . Your wife is literally out of commission for the foreseeable future. . The job you face is too big for one person. . This is when you outsource. Either via your community, hired help, or both. 

thirdtryisthecharm − How are you responsible for the bills if money goes in a shared account? How are you expecting her to help while dealing with HG, pregnancy fatigue, and a full time job? I think you need to seek outside help like a cleaner, babysitter, or family help.

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These Redditors are spilling the tea, but are they onto something, or just stirring the pot?

This husband’s tale is a gut-wrenching clash of duty, exhaustion, and unmet needs, with a growing family at stake. His wife’s illness and their toddler’s chaos have pushed him to the edge, yet her cold response leaves him reeling. Can they find empathy amid the storm, or will silence widen the gap? What would you do when both partners are drained but need support? Toss your stories, advice, or hot takes in the comments—let’s dig into this!

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