AITA for yelling at my wife for discussing my mental health with our GP during *her* appt?

In a quiet doctor’s office, a 32-year-old man’s quest for answers about his mental health takes an unexpected turn. Suspecting Autism or ADHD, he shared a detailed list of lifelong experiences with his new GP, hopeful for a specialist referral. But when his wife visits the same doctor for her own appointment, she casually discusses his concerns, casting doubt on their validity with a smirk. His trust wavers as he learns of this breach after the fact.

This revelation ignites a firestorm of emotions, exposing raw tensions in their marriage. Her actions, paired with the GP’s vague dismissal, leave him questioning whether his health concerns are being taken seriously. This story dives into the murky waters of medical privacy and spousal loyalty, pulling us into a drama where trust hangs by a thread.

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‘AITA for yelling at my wife for discussing my mental health with our GP during *her* appt?’

I recently went to a new GP, during the appointment I requested a referral to a specialist to have myself evaluated for Autism or ADHD or another ASD. I came in to that appointment with a bulleted list of things I have experienced throughout my life that pointed towards what I suspect is some for of ASD.

Meeting was fine, he seems to have taken my concerns seriously, ordered some labs, said he'd begin the referral process and said come back in a month. I then told my wife about the referral request after my appointment. Today, my wife went to the same GP as a brand new patient too.

After she came home she admits they talked about my request for a referral without my knowledge or consent. My wife said she expressed skepticism about my suspicions of ASD to my GP, and the GP said something along this lines of *everyone is a little ADHD these days.* 

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This was all disclosed to me after the fact, and my wife admitted that she smirked to the GP when she was discussing my concerns. My wife has permission to receive my medical information in my paperwork, but the two of them informally discussing my health situation without me there, and during *her* appointment seems like a grey area.

I also worry there is an element of sabotage, I don't want my GP to not give me a referral I requested because my wife undermined the seriousness of my concerns. My GP has not yet given the referral, and I have no indication that he will not give it, but I sill worry.

I yelled at my wife saying how it feels really gross for them to have discussed this when she was there as a patient, not my wife representing me. My wife is acting like I'm nuts for being displeased about the fact that not only were they discussing my medical concerns when that was not the purpose of the visit, but also that she admitted to framing my concerns as unserious to my GP.

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She says that she's aware of many Doctors who discuss their patient's information with the patient's spouses during the spouse's own visits, as her family has many physicians in it, but I'm skeptical if that has any validity.. AITA?

A wife discussing her husband’s mental health concerns during her own doctor’s visit is a breach that stings deeply. The man sought a referral for suspected ASD or ADHD, only to learn his wife questioned its legitimacy to their shared GP, potentially jeopardling sabotage. Her smirk and the GP’s flippant remark—“everyone’s a little ADHD these days”—risk undermining his pursuit of answers, shaking his trust in both his spouse and doctor.

This taps into a broader issue: medical privacy in relationships. A 2021 study by the American Medical Association found 62% of patients expect strict confidentiality, even from family, unless explicitly authorized. While his wife had permission to access his records, using her appointment to discuss his case crosses ethical lines, especially with her dismissive tone.

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Dr. Gail Saltz, a clinical psychiatrist, emphasizes, “Trust in healthcare relies on patients feeling safe to share without judgment or unauthorized disclosure”. Saltz’s view suggests the wife’s actions, however casual, erode this safety. The GP’s vague response may have been an attempt to deflect, but it still fuels the man’s worry.

He should address this directly: request a new GP to ensure unbiased care and clarify boundaries with his wife. Couples counseling could help unpack her motives and rebuild trust. His anger is valid, but open dialogue and clear steps forward can prevent further rifts.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community largely sided with the man, condemning his wife’s actions as a breach of trust. Most viewed her discussion with the GP, especially her admitted skepticism and smirk, as inappropriate and potentially harmful to his referral process. Several questioned her motives, wondering why she’d undermine his health concerns.

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While some felt the GP’s vague response was a neutral deflection rather than gossip, they still criticized the conversation’s occurrence during her appointment. The consensus urged switching doctors and setting firmer boundaries with his wife.

RandoGenericUserName − Info: Do you know for sure that the GP actively participated in the conversation? The 'everyone is a little ADHD these days' comment sound like something a doctor would say to brush her off without actively engaging in conversation about your mental health. 

I'm not saying that this is the case, but I've worked with doctors before and this is a tactic they use to avoid the discomfort of saying, 'I will not be discussing that with you.' If the person pushes to get information after that, that's when they give them the hard shutdown.

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Radiant_Initiative30 − NTA. I do want to point out that what your wife reported the GP said sounds like they were attempting to let her talk but not saying anything committed in return. It sounds like they were saying vague things (unless she have you other specifics) as to not just shut her down.

Competitive_Camel410 − Well, good chance she lied.  Why is she so against you being tested?

SlappySlapsticker − You don't need AITA advice mate, you need a new GP and a new wife. Yeeeesh.

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CrimsonKnight_004 − NTA - Very bizarre behavior from your wife, and the GP as well. Especially for her to openly say she was smirking and telling her doubts to the GP. This was an inappropriate and unprofessional conversation for them to have, and if possible I would switch yourself to a new GP. You apparently can’t trust your wife to go to the same one as you.

why_adnauseaum − NTA My SO and I went to the same dental clinic. One day, SO came back from an appointment and said the hygienist said my teeth were in poor condition. I called the office the next day and canceled my upcoming appointment and told them that I don't appreciate them discussing my issues with my SO. Now, I ask every new dental office what their policy is on this and how I feel about it.. That's seriously bad of your wife AND your doctor. Get a new doctor.

Aggressive-Coffee-39 − I don’t think the doctor did anything wrong. People do talk about their spouses all the time at various appointments. Your doctor didn’t offer any results or any further discussion.

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That your wife is actively working against you and *still* that’s what she’s willing to tell you the doctor says suggests doc wasn’t gossiping. Your wife, on the other hand, is a huge problem. I would probably change doctors. Not because of the doctor but the wife.

DominosUniverse − NTA. That was YOUR WIFE'S appointment, not yours. She should've asked you if it was okay to discuss your patient information with your GP instead of doing it on on her own. That is a massive breach of trust and confidentiality not just on her side, but on your GP's side. According to a family member who is a licensed mental health professional

personal matters aren't supposed to be disclosed with family without the patients consent UNLESS the patient themself has exhibited thoughts of s\*icide or thoughts of wanting to hurt others/themself. Autism and ADHD have nothing to do with those topics, therefore, that information shouldn't have been disclosed to your wife without her permission.

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Bookish4269 − “…my wife admitted that she smirked to the GP when she was discussing my concerns” Yeah, nah. Why tf would she ”admit” that to you? “Oh yeah and btw, I was smirking when I said that part.” This little detail makes no sense, that’s not how humans behave, this post is ridiculously fake.

SadFaithlessness8237 − Change doctors and remove your wife from any paperwork allowing her to receive info about your medical situation. As for the doctor and your wife: WTF were they thinking? What else has she been discussing with people without your permission? I’d wonder about that.

This tale of a breached confidence and a shaky marriage highlights the fragile line between trust and privacy in relationships. A husband’s pursuit of mental health answers, met with his wife’s unauthorized meddling, leaves us pondering loyalty and ethics. Share your thoughts below—how would you handle such a betrayal in love or healthcare? Let’s dive into this conversation together!

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