Husband (30m) wont let me (30f) sleep?

As dawn’s light floods a bedroom, a 30-year-old woman lies awake, her melatonin-fueled slumber shattered not by the sun, but by her husband’s insistent morning cuddles. Battling summer insomnia, she relies on 10 hours of sleep to function as the family’s breadwinner, yet his 6 a.m. wake-ups—sometimes for more than just cuddling—leave her groggy and headachy, her work crumbling. Worse, he’s sidestepped her pleas to stop, even tweaking his alarm to nudge her awake.

This isn’t just about stolen sleep; it’s a tug-of-war over respect and boundaries in a marriage. Her exhaustion paints a vivid picture of a love tested by clashing needs. With her patience fraying, she’s eyeing the guest room as a last resort. Can they find a rhythm that lets her rest, or will this morning ritual break their bond?

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‘Husband (30m) wont let me (30f) sleep?’

The woman’s frustration spills out in a heartfelt Reddit post, laying bare the toll of her husband’s actions. Here’s her story, straight from the source:

I have insomnia problems during the summer because of how bright it is early in the morning. Usually I can go to sleep around 10, but I will be wide awake at 3 or 4 and then be exhausted the entire day. I've started taking melatonin to sleep and it has worked wonders.

However, on melatonin, I have to have a full 10 hours of sleep. Anything under 10 hours leaves me groggy and gives me a headache. I can usually do this, since I go to sleep at 10 and need to wake up at 8.

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The problem: My husband wakes up for work at 6. He has gotten into the habit of waking me up every morning to 'cuddle' (usually it is actually cuddling, but more often than not he paws at me for... other things). Because it is so bright outside in the morning now, I am not able to go back to sleep after he leaves. Because I am taking melatonin, I am pretty useless for the rest of the day.

I am the primary breadwinner and all of this is taking a serious toll on the quality of my work. I brought it up two months ago and he said he would stop; then I realized he was turning up the volume on his alarm and letting it play for awhile so that the 'alarm' woke me up, not him, but since I was awake, we could cuddle before he left for work..

How do other people manage waking up routines? Am I out of line to tell him to stop waking me up in the morning and that if he can't stop, I'm going to move into the guest room?

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This couple’s morning clash is a sleepy storm brewing in their marriage, where a husband’s affection disrupts his wife’s critical rest. Her insomnia, managed with melatonin, demands 10 hours of sleep, but his 6 a.m. wake-ups—whether for cuddling or more—leave her groggy, jeopardling resentment as her work suffers. His sneaky alarm tactics, despite her pleas, signal a deeper issue: a lack of respect for her boundaries. Her role as breadwinner only heightens the stakes.

Sleep deprivation is no small matter. The National Sleep Foundation notes that chronic sleep loss can impair cognitive function and increase stress, with 35% of adults reporting less than 7 hours of sleep nightly (source: National Sleep Foundation). The wife’s struggle highlights how sleep disruptions ripple into professional and emotional life, especially under insomnia’s weight.

Dr. Wendy Troxel, a sleep and relationship expert, observes, “Sleep is a shared resource in relationships; one partner’s habits can profoundly affect the other’s well-being” (source: TED Talk, Wendy Troxel). Troxel’s insight underscores the husband’s oversight—his need for connection disregards her health. His refusal to adjust suggests a communication gap that needs bridging.

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The wife should firmly restate her needs, proposing a compromise like evening cuddles to meet his desire for closeness. Couples therapy could help them align priorities, while resources like the Sleep Foundation offer tips on sleep hygiene (source: Sleep Foundation). Moving to the guest room might be a necessary boundary if he won’t budge

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got some zesty takes on this sleep-deprived drama—buckle up for raw, unfiltered opinions!

Jen5872 − 'if you can't respect my need for sleep and stop waking me up, you're moving into the guest room. I can't continue on being this exhausted because you're being inconsiderate.'

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shession777 − My ex boyfriend used to do this to me, and I slowly realised it was a form of control. I also think he was jealous of me sleeping longer than him. This turned into other forms of manipulation over time, and it's safe to say that didn't last.

OutspokenPerson − Having lived through this, I can say: this is abuse. You have TOLD him to stop. He pretended to. He didn’t. He KNOWS it is harming you. He still didn’t stop. I played this exact game with my ex for years. I became a literal shell of my former self. Lack of sleep will harm you physically, psychologically and emotionally.

It WILL impact your employment and your other relationships.. And you will have even less ability to deal with other forms of abuse heading your way. Be blunt. Tell him DO NOT WAKE ME UP, and do not pretend you aren’t trying to wake me up. Then watch him try to gaslight you. Or manipulate you by saying he loves you and just wants to see your smiling face in the morning.. OP, I’m enraged on your behalf.

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Ghismoh − Send this mf on the sofa, what a egoistic dude.....

[Reddit User] − Sleep deprivation is abuse. I am not suggesting he's maliciously trying to ruin your day or work, it sounds like he's a big, soppy bugger who wants your attention, but tell him in no uncertain terms that it is damaging your productivity, your health and your happiness and if it carries on, he or you might have to sleep elsewhere.

HelloJunebug − Why are some people like this? What a manipulative a**hole. He will probably say something like “oh but I want to cuddle before work, isn’t that sweet tho?!” And make it about that, when really, he knows you need the sleep and can’t function without it, but creates different ways to wake you up so he can get what he wants. Selfish.

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Tell him that until he can respect your boundaries and needs, you’ll be sleeping in the other room. He should be the one moving to. He needs to see it as respect. UPDATEME

Low_Engineering8921 − This is abusive and unfair behaviour. You need to openly tell him that this behaviour is negatively impacting your life. If it continues, he sleeps on the couch or you leave.

In terms of your sleep. I recommend an eye mask. I can't sleep with one on initially but the moment I wake up in the morning,I pop it on and I'm out for another few hours.. But the most important thing is addressing your husband's terrible behaviour.

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Angel4077 − Move to guest room and get a lock. He will soon get the message!

[Reddit User] − My wife wakes up for work at 4:30 but leaves our room quietly and doesn’t bother me again once she’s quietly dressed because she’s not an a**hole. I think it’s time for you and him to have a frank talk to ensure he realizes how disrespectful this is.

Isyourmammaallama − Yikes. No you are NOT out of line. Waking people up unless for emergency, appointment or childcare related event is not ok.

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These Redditors are dishing out hot takes, but are they on point, or just fanning the flames?

This woman’s tale is a bleary-eyed battle of love versus rest, where morning cuddles turn into a wake-up call for respect. Her husband’s persistence threatens not just her sleep but their partnership’s harmony. Can they carve out a compromise, or is the guest room her only refuge? What would you do if your partner’s habits stole your sleep? Toss your advice, stories, or reactions into the comments—let’s keep this convo rolling!

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