AITA for telling my twin sister she will never fit in with us?

Sibling relationships are often complicated, especially in families with a history of uneven parenting and emotional neglect. In your case, you and your twin sister Eva grew up under very different circumstances. While you were pressured to succeed and worked hard to meet your father’s high expectations, Eva was allowed more freedom—and consequently, she struggled and acted out.

This imbalance has created deep-seated resentments that still linger today. During your recent family gathering after your father’s passing, when Eva lashed out and accused you all of exclusion, you responded by telling her she would never fit in with the family because she never experienced the same hardships. Now, you’re questioning whether your outburst was justified.

‘AITA for telling my twin sister she will never fit in with us?’

Family therapists stress that in situations of sibling conflict, especially within families marked by uneven parenting, every individual’s experience of abuse or neglect is unique and should be validated. Dr. Laura Markham, a specialist in family dynamics, explains, “Emotional neglect is not a one-size-fits-all phenomenon. One sibling’s experience of intense pressure and high expectations is different from another’s experience of being left to fend for themselves.

Both forms of treatment leave deep scars, and comparing them only fuels resentment.” Experts recommend that rather than dismissing Eva’s feelings as less severe because she wasn’t “abused” in the same way you were, it would be healthier to acknowledge that she experienced neglect that has also harmed her self-esteem and emotional well-being.

The tendency to measure each person’s suffering against another’s not only minimizes the pain of the less overt form of neglect but also prevents healing. A more constructive approach would have been to have an open conversation—perhaps in a mediated family therapy setting—where both your experiences could be shared, validated, and understood.

This dialogue might allow each of you to express your hurt without resorting to divisive statements like “you will never fit in.” In therapeutic contexts, individuals are encouraged to see that every person’s response to trauma is different, and that no one form of abuse is inherently “worse” than another. By acknowledging the legitimacy of Eva’s feelings and the unique challenges she faced, you could help foster an environment of mutual empathy rather than one of judgment and exclusion.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community’s reactions are as layered and nuanced as the story itself. Some commenters point out that the twin sister’s behavior—her dismissal of the hardships her siblings endured—has deepened the family rift. Others note that the OP’s harsh words, while emotionally charged, stem from long-held resentment and the overwhelming pressure of a strict, uneven upbringing.

A few believe that each sibling’s unique experience of family trauma makes it difficult to draw clear lines between who deserves sympathy and who does not. These hot takes, grounded in the specifics of this tale, invite us to consider whether empathy and understanding can ever bridge the gap between such divergent life paths.

While your frustration is understandable, the way you expressed it may have been hurtful to Eva and could potentially widen the emotional rift between you. Family wounds run deep, and addressing them with compassion—rather than harsh comparisons—might lead to more meaningful healing.

Do you think there’s a way for you and Eva to start a dialogue that validates both of your experiences? How might you approach a conversation that allows both sides to feel heard and respected? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.