I (29F) am attracted to a man other than my husband (29M). How do I stop this?

A 29-year-old woman sat at her desk, her phone buzzing with an Instagram notification from a coworker she sees weekly. Married just last year after a decade with her loving husband, she’s now wrestling with an unexpected attraction to this man, sparked by their brief work chats and his social media presence. Her single, innocent DM to him opened a door she didn’t expect, and now his stories stir feelings she knows she must resist.

She loves her husband, who spoils her with care, and is desperate to protect their bond. Her Reddit post lays bare this struggle, pulling readers into a relatable clash between fleeting temptation and lifelong commitment. As she seeks advice to quiet her heart, the online community responds with sharp insights, raising a timeless question: how do you stay true when a crush threatens to sway you?

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‘I (29F) am attracted to a man other than my husband (29M). How do I stop this?’

I see this man once a week due to some work arrangements. We only spend slightly less than an hour with each other during this time and there are others present as well. We hit it off quite well but I wouldn’t say that we are anywhere close. After a week or two, he followed me on Instagram and that’s probably how he found out I was married.

He did not approach me or dm me but instead I did and just chatted with him briefly once just to reach out (no flirting whatsoever). But now whenever I see his insta stories, I find myself getting more and more attracted to him.

I have been with my husband for over 10 years and we just got married last year. My husband is the sweetest and takes such good care of me, giving in to my every whims and wants. I truly do not want to do anything to ruin my marriage. How do I stop myself from thinking about this other man?

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This woman’s crush reveals a common human experience: attraction doesn’t vanish after marriage. Her brief DM to the coworker, though innocent, opened a door to temptation, while her husband’s devotion contrasts with her wandering thoughts. The coworker’s neutrality suggests he respects boundaries, but her social media engagement fuels the issue.

This ties to a broader issue: maintaining emotional fidelity. A 2021 study by the Institute for Family Studies found 20% of married individuals experience workplace attractions, often amplified by digital connections (ifstudies.org). Dr. Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends, warns, “Affairs begin with shared emotional intimacy, often disguised as friendship” (psychologytoday.com). Her advice? Set firm boundaries—cut non-essential contact and redirect energy to the marriage.

To move forward, she should block the coworker on Instagram and limit interactions to work-only. Rekindling date nights with her husband can reignite their spark. Therapy, like cognitive-behavioral approaches, could help manage intrusive thoughts.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s commenters didn’t sugarcoat their takes, blending tough love with practical tips—and a dash of sass. Here’s what they had to say:

AttimusMorlandre − How do you stop being attracted to someone you’re attracted to? That’s nearly impossible.. How do you stop DMing coworkers who aren’t your husband? That’s… pretty damn easy actually.

TheSpeckledSir − Probably start by removing the connection on Instagram, instead of using it to indulge in the crush.. After that my bet is that time will be sufficient.

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BruceShark88 − As others have said, delete the Insta connection/follow.. The grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it.. Consider doing more to “date” your husband.. Best to you both🧡

[Reddit User] − Remember that he's human too and will have flaws, imperfections, and also just the capacity to become boring over time too just like anyone else. The only reason he seems so irresistible is that you don't fully know him intimately so your imagination can fill in all the gaps.. Draw boundaries with this, don't go out of your way to talk to him, and eventually it will pass.

[Reddit User] − Girlll I’m gonna say this with as much sincerity as I can: please focus on and love what you got. You gotta put facts over feelings and the fact is: There is literally nothing out here. You’ve been w your husband over 10 years.

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Who knows if you will like that other man for more than 10 mins. When you got something good you hold onto it and learn to appreciate what you got. Delete him off social media or delete your social media entirely and focus on the one who’s been there for you.

VicePrincipalNero − Go lurk for awhile in the infidelity subs. See what kind of pain, often including actual PTSD, betrayal inflicts on people. Your husband is the one person in the world you vowed to cherish. Do you really want to destroy him? As for how to move forward, block him on social media.

Do not spend time alone with him and other than mentioning your husband periodically, do not discuss anything personal. Don’t seek him out. Turn into your marriage. Never lie to your husband about anything having to do with this guy because the lies will destroy him. Pick up a copy of the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It’s great for learning how to set appropriate boundaries.

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[Reddit User] − Simple. Cut ties on social media and only speak during business. Avoid him otherwise. We’re all human and we have eyes, and other people can be attractive. Don’t engage

TheDissolutionist − Block this guy, cut contact. Propriety keeps you from this b**lshit, you're already entertaining too much contact with him.. Then, start dating your husband again, and rediscover why you fell in love with him and learn from this.. Don't f**k your life up over some random guy's attention.

etakknow − Why not block him in instagram?

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55Sweeptheleg − It’s pretty crappy you DMed him to be honest. Like you’re already opening a door you shouldn’t be opening.

These spicy opinions light up the thread, but do they hold the key to her dilemma?

This woman’s story reminds us that even the strongest marriages face tests. Her resolve to stay true is a powerful start, but it’ll take discipline—cutting social media ties, setting boundaries, and pouring love into her husband—to keep her vows unshaken. Temptation is human, but so is the choice to honor commitment. Have you ever faced a similar pull? What would you do to keep your heart anchored? Share your thoughts below!

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