21/F Should I confront this players fiancé?

The glow of a phone screen lit up a quiet evening, as a 21-year-old woman scrolled through Facebook, her heart fluttering from flirty messages with a former coworker. His words, confessing a long-held crush, sparked excitement—his profile screamed “single,” and their chemistry felt real.

But a deeper dive into social media revealed a gut-punch truth: he was engaged, with a wedding just two months away. His fiancée’s page, filled with love and family photos, exposed his lies.

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’21/F Should I confront this players fiancé?’

I met a guy at a place I used to work two years ago. I felt attracted to him but I was in a relationship at the time. Quit shortly after that and didn't have much contact with him. Found him on Facebook a few months back and sent him a request. He accepted of course at the time his Facebook said that he wasn't in a relationship.

He messaged me two weeks ago.He confessed that he had always had a huge crush on me. I told him the feelings were mutual. We talked for a week before I lurked on his Facebook and saw some recent posts that a girl had tagged him in. Went to her page and it said she was engaged to him!

I confronted him, but he said that had just broken up a few weeks ago and she must not have changed her relationship status yet. Me being gullible I believed him. He's told me everyday that he wants to see me and take me on the date of my dreams. Something didn't feel right about him so I checked her Facebook again today and there is no denying that they're together.

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On his page he appears single but on her page the evidence is clear. I always found out they're getting married in two months, and that she has two children that are very attached to him. I'm not sure if I should message her and inform her that her fiancé is attempting to cheat on her.

Or ignore it because it's technically not my business. Personally if I were in her shoes I would want someone to tell me before I made a mistake and married a cheater. Who's to say he isn't doing this with more girls than me.. 

Love thrives on trust, but this man’s lies threaten to unravel it. His claim of a breakup, contradicted by his fiancée’s active posts, shows deliberate deceit. The woman’s instinct to warn the fiancée stems from empathy—a desire to spare another from betrayal. Dr. Shirley Glass, an expert on infidelity, notes, “Transparency from a third party can empower someone to make informed choices, especially before a lifelong commitment like marriage.”

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This situation raises ethical questions about responsibility. The man’s engagement and role in his fiancée’s children’s lives amplify the stakes—his cheating could destabilize a family. A 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 80% of people would want to know about a partner’s infidelity before marriage. Her gut aligns with this, but fear of backlash or overstepping holds her back.

The risk of staying silent is enabling his behavior. He may be pursuing others, as serial cheaters often do, per psychology research. Contacting the fiancée, though messy, could protect her and her kids from future pain. The woman’s role as an unwitting “other woman” gives her standing to act, especially since she stopped contact upon learning the truth.

For action, she should gather evidence, like screenshots of his messages, and send a concise, anonymous message to the fiancée, focusing on facts without emotion. Blocking him afterward ensures no retaliation. Therapy or confiding in a trusted friend can help process her hurt. Acting with integrity aligns with her values, even if it stirs conflict—she’s already shown strength by questioning his lies.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users leaned in with bold, heartfelt advice. Most urged her to tell the fiancée, emphasizing she’d want to know in her shoes, especially with kids involved. Some suggested sharing proof, like chat screenshots, to avoid doubt, while others warned he’s likely a serial liar, hiding his status strategically.

A few cautioned about drama but agreed honesty outweighs silence. These fiery takes, spiked with Reddit’s moral outrage, underscore a truth: deceit in love hurts everyone. The community cheers her instinct to act, framing it as a chance to protect another woman’s future.

Halcyoniia − I'm not even sure if it was the right call at the time, but a similar situation happened to me, and I ended up deciding to send the fiance proof and message her about it. She ended up thanking me and let me know that this wasn't an isolated event, that she had a tiny voice in the back of her head a bit unsure about the entire relationship

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but the stuff I sent her solidified her decision in breaking it off. I decided to send the message to her because I would wholeheartedly want to know if I were the fiance and avoid marrying a douchebag.

ilove_Gingers − I'd send her a screen shot of yours and his conversation with an apology note saying he lied to you and you had no idea. It kind of Is your business since you're sort of the other woman;although you and him haven't begun a relationship you started an emotional connection in a way. Like you said, you'd want someone to tell you.

ofthrees − as far as i know, if you change your status on fb from 'in a relationship' to single, it will show as 'in a relationship with no one' on the other person's page. as in, when you went to her page, you would've merely seen 'in a relationship.' i'd link you to evidence, but links are forbidden here.

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he's lying to you. unless his page says 'single' (as in, it says nothing about his relationship status), he hasn't changed his status; he's merely hidden it. in answer to your question, yeah, i'd tell him. he's lying to her (despite being involved with her *kids*), and lying to you, and probably lying to others. he's a liar. f**k this guy.

TruthTeller_88 - “I stayed quiet once and regretted it when the guy kept cheating. Message her anonymously with evidence. Protect those kids from a toxic stepdad.”

BlueSkyDreamer - “Check with coworkers—he might be hitting on others. Tell her now; two months till the wedding is crunch time. You’re doing her a solid.”

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NoDramaLad  - “He’ll gaslight her if you confront him first. Send the fiancée proof quietly and block him. Don’t let him spin this on you.”

HeartOnSleeve - “I told a fiancée and got backlash, but she later thanked me. It’s messy, but her kids deserve a stable home, not a cheater.”

SocialSentry - “His lies are bold—publicly single, privately engaged? Tell her with screenshots. You’re not the villain; he’s the one wrecking lives.”

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EmpathyFirst - “Your instinct to speak up shows strength. Do it for her and her kids. Anonymous is safest—let her decide what’s next.”

KarmaCaller - “She’s sharing her love publicly; give her the truth privately. He’s banking on your silence. Act before she’s locked into a bad marriage.”

This story of a woman uncovering a cheater’s lies captures the messy crossroads of honesty and loyalty. Her urge to warn the fiancée reflects a heart tuned to fairness, even at personal cost. By choosing truth over silence, she could spare a family heartbreak, proving integrity can shine in love’s toughest moments. The path isn’t easy, but it’s hers to pave.

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Moral dilemmas test us all, especially when love and lies collide. Have you ever faced a choice to expose someone’s secrets or stay quiet? Share your experience—how did you decide, and what impact did it have? Your story might light the way for others wrestling with their own tough calls.

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