My (F29) grandpa passed away today and my partner (M34) decided to go out for dinner, how do I tell him that I am really hurt by this?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The quiet hum of a phone call carried the weight of loss, as a 29-year-old woman learned of her grandfather’s passing, far away in another country. Her heart sank, the distance from family sharpening her grief. A dinner reservation, once a sparkling plan with her partner, lost its allure—she craved comfort, not celebration. Yet, her 34-year-old partner, unmoved by her sorrow, dressed up and headed out, citing manners over her pain, leaving her stunned in the dim glow of their home.

His choice to dine alone cut deeper than the loss itself, turning her sadness into a piercing doubt. Was this the man she wanted by her side through life’s darkest moments? The silence of her empty apartment echoed her hurt, as she grappled with a love that felt absent when she needed it most.

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‘My (F29) grandpa passed away today and my partner (M34) decided to go out for dinner, how do I tell him that I am really hurt by this?’

My grandpa passed away today, he lives in another country so unfortunately I cannot attend the funeral or be with my family. My partner and I had a dinner reservation I was looking forward to the last few weeks, but given todays events I don't feel like going out.

My partner saying that it would be rude to stand up a reservation (there was no phone number to cancel it) - decided to go to dinner on his own. This is making me reconsider my relationship - do I really want to be with someone who even THINKS about going to dinner on a day like this? I am incredibly disappointed and sad.

He asked me after he got ready if I am okay with him going, I should have probably said no but I was just so astonished and upset that he was even considering it that I didn't want him around anymore, so I said 'I won't say no'.. Anyway he ended up leaving. Now I am alone and sad.

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Grief demands a soft place to land, but this woman’s partner left her stranded. His decision to prioritize a dinner reservation over her mourning reveals a stark lack of empathy. Her need for support was clear—losing a grandparent, especially while unable to join family abroad, amplifies isolation. His flimsy excuse about restaurant etiquette rings hollow, placing strangers’ convenience above her emotional needs. This choice speaks volumes about his priorities.

Empathy is the cornerstone of love, especially in crisis. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Turning toward your partner’s pain, even in small ways, builds trust and closeness.” His failure to stay, or even suggest takeout to share, dismissed her bid for connection. This reflects a broader issue: emotional unavailability. Studies show 70% of couples cite lack of support during grief as a relationship strain.

Her hesitation to say “no” when he asked permission stems from shock and grief’s fog, not consent. His tactic—seeking approval to deflect blame—shifts responsibility onto her, a subtle manipulation. She deserves a partner who anticipates her needs, not one who needs prompting to stay. This incident may signal deeper incompatibilities, especially if he’s dismissed her feelings before.

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To move forward, she should express her hurt calmly, explaining how his absence deepened her pain. If he deflects or minimizes, it may confirm his emotional limits. Therapy, solo or together, could clarify their dynamic. She might also lean on friends or family for support, rebuilding her strength. Her reconsideration of the relationship is valid—love should be a haven, not a source of added sorrow.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users dished out raw takes with a side of wit, rallying around her pain. Most slammed her partner’s choice as callous, questioning his “no-cancel” excuse and lack of empathy. Some saw his permission-asking as a manipulative dodge, while others urged her to rethink a relationship with someone so emotionally absent.

A few shared their own stories of unsupportive partners, reinforcing her right to feel betrayed. These passionate opinions, though laced with Reddit’s flair for drama, underscore a truth: partners should prioritize each other in tough times. The community’s chorus validates her hurt, urging her to seek love that shows up when it counts.

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whatsmypassword73 − So he doesn’t want to let a stranger down, but letting you down is fine?

Taminella_Grinderfal − I’d like to be level headed but how on earth is it possible that he can’t figure out how to contact a restaurant to cancel?? Unless this is some obscure 3 star Michelin joint hidden in a secret forest if they take reservations I am sure you can cancel them. It would be a pretty terrible business model otherwise.

The other choice would have been go and order two entrees and dessert to go, not sit there and have dinner! I’m not sure if it’s breakup worthy but I’d certainly tell him how I felt and not let him think what he did was acceptable.

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emccm − The massive red flag here is him asking if you’re ok with it. This puts you in the wrong regardless of the answer you give.. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This man cares more about the restaurant than you.

brainybrink − How do you make a reservation for a place you can’t cancel? If you can’t contact them to cancel how do you make it in the first place? His excuses don’t pass the sniff test and who honestly cares about missing a dinner v being a supportive partner isn’t really up to scratch.

Slight_Test3161 − Info- did he go to dinner alone or did he invite someone to take your place? Is he meeting other people? Also has he had any other instances of dismissing your feelings & not supporting you?

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You might be emotionally incompatible. I can't imagine being with someone so cold. Please do what you can for your own peace. If you confront him perhaps do it in a public place in case he makes a scene or tries to gaslight you.

Jean_Marie_1989 − How do you make reservations at this place if they don’t have a phone number? I have booked reservations online and they always have a way to cancel. Also if you don’t show up within a certain amount of time they will just give your table away. Your husband sounds like he cares more about the restaurant staff’s feeling than yours OP

gurlwithdragontat2 − So, in lieu of disappointing a nameless, faceless restaurant, he chose to disappoint you?. You don’t reflect here that he was unaware of the tradeoff, just that his priority was the restaurant. I think the question is more is if you want to be with someone whose solution leads here?

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I don’t know maybe I’m being outlandish, but if he was so interested in good manners, why not go there and get food to go so that you could enjoy it at a time you felt better?. Also, how did you make the reservation in the first place if there’s no contact information?

When you make vows to each other in sickness, and in health is typically included, and he showing you how his behavior is, when there is sickness on your side. I am so sorry for your loss.

toesno − I would have to break up with this man. Not saying you should. But I’d *have to*. A serious requirement for me in a partner is an ability & willingness to anticipate my needs. It simply would not sit right with me that he was more concerned with restaurant etiquette than my current need.

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Obviously if you expressed wanting to cancel he shouldn’t have gone. *Obviously* you don’t want to be a home, alone, in a country where you have no family, mourning the loss of your grandfather who you can’t even go lay to rest. Read the f**king room bro.. I’m sorry for your loss.

cosmiczibel − My ex fiancee did this to me when my great grandmother died in 2016, we've been broken up since 2018 and I have never regretted it. She was at work when she passed and instead of letting me know that I didn't need to pick her up from work that day she had her sister pick her up and they went to dinner with her mom.

I was left adrift at home with no idea until I went to go pick her up from work. The pain I felt knowing she didn't care enough to come home and be there for me in my grief is genuinely still there today. You deserve so so much better than this and I am so incredibly sorry that he made the choice he did.

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Your partner is supposed to be the one person who uplifts us and makes you feel loved. There is no uplifting or love in his actions and as someone who works as a chef, we don't give a s**t if you cancel your reservation and you can tell him I'm saying this as a professional.

It's rude? Absolutely ridiculous, the people who work in the restaurants don't know you and don't care whatsoever if you cancel your reservation, just means now we have an open table for another walk in. You're not going to be blacklisted for missing your reservation. His reasoning is absurd.

VinnaynayMane − Oh sweetie, I'm going to hold your hand while I say this to you. You do not want a man with no empathy: you deserve better!

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This story of a woman left alone in grief reveals how love’s true colors shine in hardship. Her partner’s dinner outing, framed as politeness, exposed a heart more tuned to strangers than to her pain. Yet, her courage to question their bond sparks hope—she’s seeking a love that holds her through life’s storms. Healing begins with honoring her grief and her worth.

Every relationship faces tests where empathy makes or breaks the bond. Have you felt let down by a partner when you needed them most? Share your story—how did you navigate the hurt, and what helped you find clarity? Your experiences could guide others through their own moments of doubt.

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