[UPDATE] Coworker Found My Boyfriend (27M) On Tinder And He Swears Up And Down He Doesn’t Use It

In a new city’s neon glow, a young woman’s world unravels over a dating app’s harsh truth. Her boyfriend’s Tinder profile, first spotted by a coworker, becomes undeniable when she catches him swiping at a festival. His wild excuse—blaming his friend’s attempt to catch her catfishing—only deepens the sting of betrayal. Torn between heartbreak and righteous anger, she ends the relationship, grappling with lost trust and looming loneliness in a story that’s all too relatable.

This update dives deeper into a saga of digital deception, picking up where her first Reddit post left off. For those who want to read the previous part: My (26F) Coworker Found My Boyfriend (27M) On Tinder And He Swears Up And Down He Doesn’t Use It Reddit’s chorus of outrage and support fuels the drama, as readers feel her numbness and resolve. Is she right to walk away, or could there be more to his story? Let’s unpack this messy breakup.

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‘[UPDATE] Coworker Found My Boyfriend (27M) On Tinder And He Swears Up And Down He Doesn’t Use It’

My (26F) last post didn't get too much attention, but I figured I would update as 1.) it's cathartic and 2.) things got pretty intense. Essentially, if you didn't read the last post, my coworker's housemate spotted my boyfriend (27M) on Tinder. He said he didn't use it. Which was clearly a lie, as many of you stated.

I truly wanted to believe him when I made the post, even though my gut (and the evidence really) told me not to. So I made a fake profile with one picture and no bio and searched for him with no luck, I matched people to keep the algorithm working but didn't send messages. I left it at that for the time-being.

I saw my boyfriend last weekend and I still didn't get an explanation. Or an apology. Or anything even near the truth. So I decided to snoop (edit: through his messages). I'm not proud and I owned up to it, partially because he had some weird exchanges with girls.

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This isn't important to the story, but when I confronted him, I got half-assed responses and we continued to hardly speak throughout this week. He also is currently at a festival this weekend, so I was still feeling even more insecure. I had no explanation for TWO possible cheating situations now.

I was a bit tipsy last night and decided to bring up the old fake profile, setting the distance on maximum to pick up the festival location. And what do you know, he appeared. I was too afraid to match him so I messaged my coworker's housemate. She stopped by my job the other day to introduce herself and apologise for the whole situation.

Apparently her ex-boyfriend also had a tinder profile and that's why she ended things with him -- she said she had my back and would keep an eye out for me. I thought she wouldn't find him when I told her, as I was under the impression that profiles disappear after you swipe left. However, she found him and they matched.

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I texted my boyfriend immediately saying it was over because he's still on Tinder and here's where it gets insane. He responded that his best mate has apparently been chatting on Tinder with a girl from my country and living in my current city. My coworker's housemate is from my country, which is super rare.

It honestly wouldn't surprise me that she would get on with my boyfriend's best mate. I know she has friends that live in his town and is there from time to time, because she said that's why his profile came up straight straight away. Anyway -- when my boyfriend's mate went on about her, he thought I was being a catfish so apparently he decided to download Tinder at the festival to try to catch me.

Honestly, I can sort of see why he'd think that in a roundabout way because we're very similar. Still, I told him that his accusation and excuse for being on Tinder was ridiculous, although I owned up to making a fake profile to try to find him. I also said I know the girl who was chatting his mate, because she's the one that found him originally and matched with again him today.

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I then reiterated that we were through because there is obviously zero trust between the two of us. I don't think I was right in snooping and making a fake profile, but I felt as if I deserved the truth. I also asked if I needed to go to the GUM clinic, even though I'll go anyways.

He said he would respond tomorrow, but it's well into the afternoon and nothing. Closure is overrated, I guess. I'm pretty numb to the whole situation, although I'm gutted that I'll lose our mutual friends because I'll be the crazy ex who catfished their mate.. 

A Tinder profile that won’t quit spells doom for this relationship. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, states in The Science of Trust that “betrayal, even small lies, fractures emotional safety” (The Gottman Institute). Let’s dissect this chaos.

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The OP’s boyfriend was caught on Tinder again, this time at a festival, after denying prior activity. His bizarre claim—that his friend used the app to catch her catfishing—crumbles under scrutiny, especially since she knows the matched woman. Her snooping and fake profile, while ethically shaky, stem from his evasions. Gottman’s research shows 70% of couples cite dishonesty as a breakup trigger (Journal of Marriage and Family).

This reflects a broader issue: digital infidelity’s rise. With 20% of dating app users in relationships (Pew Research Center), online boundaries are murky. The OP’s trust is shattered, and his silence seals the deal.

Gottman emphasizes rebuilding trust through accountability. The OP did right by ending it, as his lies show no remorse. She should prioritize healing and health checks, leaning on supportive friends.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit dove into this breakup like it’s the season finale of a reality show, dishing out cheers and jeers with gusto. It’s a virtual roast where no lie goes uncalled. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered take:

enrichmentonly − Don't buy his b**lshit. He was cheating and refused to own up to it. You should absolutely go to the clinic. Jesus Christ, 'I'll tell you tomorrow' is not an appropriate answer to a question like that. What an ass. Be glad he's out of your life.

[Reddit User] − Don't feel ashamed about following through on your suspicions, and don't just assume your mutual friends will choose him. Keep showing up, maintain connections, and let him deal with the discomfort of knowing that you are still around. You aren't in the wrong here.

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stophittingthyself − I don't see why you'll lose your friends. Tell them the truth and dismiss his friend's profile as irrelevant to the situation. Say that he's been active on tinder throughout your relationship and you don't know what his friend has to do with anything because that girl is real and this is between you and your ex, not his friend.

[Reddit User] − What an i**ot. I don't condone cheating in any way shape or form, but if you're going to do it, why would you do it on a mainstream platform where you can be found by just about anyone!?. ​. What a moron. Good riddance.

imnotanevilwitch − I texted my boyfriend immediately saying it was over because he's still on Tinder and here's where it gets insane. He responded that his best mate has apparently been chatting on Tinder with a girl from my country and living in my current city. My coworker's housemate is from my country, which is super rare.

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It honestly wouldn't surprise me that she would get on with my boyfriend's best mate. I know she has friends that live in his town and is there from time to time, because she said that's why his profile came up straight straight away. Anyway -- when my boyfriend's mate went on about her, he thought immediately thought I was being a catfish so apparently he decided to download Tinder at the festival to try to catch me. Girl, no.

avocado__dip − Good for you for following through on your suspicions. Sometimes snooping is justified.. I can't believe he doubled down on his lie. People can be very s**tty, I'm sorry.

Nayuskarian − Any 'friend' that doesn't even bother asking for your side isn't a friend at all. Good riddance.. It sucks now, but things will improve and you'll be far better for it.

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DrJungyBrungan − I do want to add for anyone else coming in to this thread - my profile is apparently still on Tinder despite my hitting the “delete profile permanently” button. Not that it necessarily applies in this situation, but it may in others if this thread gets searched for.

woodstockiewuvswuv − I know everyone is super against snooping but to be honest when you have a really good reason i feel its 100% justified. I'm for protecting my s**ual health if my partner is acting shady.

Now if you were snooping because of jealousy and immaturity and unable to trust with very little reason then i would be judging. But it truely needs to be out there that people shouldn't protect cheaters because they think snooping is wrong in any context. Its a big shrug for me and maybe against popular opinion

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danceswithkitties_ − I'm glad you're leaving. Like you said, there's no trust here, what's the point? Also the whole thing about the best mate and all that sounded like total b**lshit, as an unbiased observer. Best to just let the ladies of Tinder have him and move on.

These Redditors applaud the OP’s exit, shredding her ex’s flimsy excuses and urging her to keep her friends close. Some defend her snooping as a health-protecting necessity, while others scoff at his festival fib. But do their fiery takes nail the truth, or just fan the breakup flames? One thing’s certain: this Tinder tale has everyone talking.

This Tinder-fueled breakup lays bare the cost of lies in love, leaving a young woman numb but resolute. Her ex’s desperate excuses couldn’t salvage a relationship built on sand, and Reddit’s rallying cry echoes her choice to walk away. Trust, once broken, is tough to rebuild—especially when swipes betray promises. As she faces an uncertain future, the lesson is clear: honesty is non-negotiable. Have you ever faced a digital betrayal like this? Share your stories below!

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