My (30F) husband’s (32M) best friend’s (36M) wife (32F) is visibly flirting with my husband. (And he notices it too). How do I handle it?

In a lively backyard barbecue, laughter mingled with unease for a 30-year-old woman watching her husband’s best friend’s wife turn charm into a weapon. Her flirty glances, skimpy outfits, and cold shoulder to the wife—despite a warm hug for her husband—lit a spark of tension. The woman, caught off guard, felt her hospitality stung by betrayal.

This isn’t just about a wandering eye; it’s a test of loyalty and boundaries in tangled friendships. As the wife grapples with snubs and her husband plots a bold response, the story begs: how do you tame a flirt without torching ties?

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‘My (30F) husband’s (32M) best friend’s (36M) wife (32F) is visibly flirting with my husband. (And he notices it too). How do I handle it?’

We’re all friends now, but he’s been my husband’s best friend for like 15 years! I just became the wife’s acquaintance a few years ago. As couples, we only hang out at their place and/or do whatever they want to do and what’s convenient for them. She “makes plans” with me and cancels the day before.

But whenever all of us plan to hang at her place, she never cancels. For example, she’s been working hard to get back to her pre-pregnancy body. So if me and my husband say something like “wow you look so good, did you lose weight?!” She would respond to HIM looking directly at him and say “really (husbands name)?? You think so seriously?”

Another example, all throughout her pregnancy I was asking her how she was and she was venting to me about a lot of details. So recently, I had surgery and she pretended like it didn’t happen, didn’t even talk to me directly about it. But asked my HUSBAND, “oh how’s (my name) doing? Is she recovering well?”

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When we’re at their house, she always needs to “change into her PJs” which are super skimpy and tight, and this is unlike her because she’s a super modest dresser. Her husband also doesn’t pay attention to her and is addicted to his phone and sports, and has told my husband in the past that they lack intimacy. So I’m not sure if that’s why she’s trying to be extra friendly with mine?

Fast forward to this past weekend, she straight up turned her back to me when we were all talking at a wedding, and didn’t return my hug when I said bye to to her, she just stood there looking in the other direction pretending to be in a convo. But then hugged my husband tightly when he went in for a hug. Am I overreacting? I feel like she’s blatantly doing this in front of me and doesn’t care, but she’s intentionally flirting and she knows it.. How do I handle it?

UPDATE! — My husband has seen the response this post got and totally aware that an indirect approach is not going to cut it. His exact words were “shits gonna become real awkward for her now” He plans on rejecting her advances by embarrassing her in her face.

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We’re pretty confident she’ll stop once she feels embarrassed and “caught” 2-3 times. He also will NOT be hanging out with his friend at their home! They’ll only hang out in places other than their place to reduce the opportunity for her even more.. Will update when another situation about her comes up 🙏 Thanks for all the advice Reddit fam!

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A friend’s wife openly flirting with a married man isn’t just awkward—it’s a breach of respect. The woman’s discomfort is valid; the friend’s wife’s actions, from ignoring her surgery to flaunting tight pajamas, signal a deliberate challenge. Her husband’s plan to embarrass the flirt shows unity, but navigating this delicately is key to preserving friendships.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: maintaining boundaries in close-knit groups. Flirting with someone’s spouse often stems from personal dissatisfaction—like the friend’s wife’s reported lack of intimacy at home. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respect for boundaries is the cornerstone of trust in any relationship.” Her behavior violates this, risking group harmony.

The husband’s direct approach—rejecting advances publicly—could work, but it must be firm, not cruel. For instance, redirecting her compliments to his wife or avoiding solo interactions can set clear lines. The couple should also limit visits to the friend’s home, meeting instead in neutral spaces to reduce opportunities for flirtation.

Long-term, the husband might talk to his friend, not to accuse but to share how the wife’s actions affect their group dynamic. Meanwhile, the woman should focus on her own confidence, perhaps by engaging less with the wife and strengthening her bond with her husband. A couples’ workshop on boundaries could help.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit jumped in with a mix of fiery clapbacks and clever strategies—imagine your boldest group chat blowing up. Here’s what they said:

Siestatime46 − She has a crush on him. He needs to talk to his friend. This has to stop otherwise it can only lead to more problems. You may simply not be able to remain friends.. He can hang with his buddy without her, but she can’t be involved, if she can’t drop this.

Fantastic_Cow_6819 − Honestly I think you need to first talk to your husband so you both are on the same page. Then stop hanging out as a group. Her husband can come over to your place to hang out with yours or they hang out together alone other places but the bff’s place is no longer an option and she’s no longer invited.

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EngineeringDry7999 − Call her out immediately whenever she behaves inappropriately.

Cdavert − When she changes into her 'pj's,' say, 'Since you're really for bed, we'll take our leave of you.'. Leave every time.

MerryMoose923 − You aren't overreacting. One of two things is happening here. Either she does have a crush on your husband, or she's trying to make her own husband jealous to get more attention. My money is on her having a crush on your husband. You and your husband need to discuss how the to of you will respond to her when you're together.

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For example, when she refused to hug you as you were leaving the wedding, your husband could have said 'Aren't you going to say goodbye to OP?' Also, he needs to stop paying her any compliments. If you pay her a compliment but she responds only to your husband, he needs to say 'Why are you thanking me? OP gave you the compliment.'

Call her out on her behavior when necessary. If she changes into pajamas while you're at their house, say 'Oh, I guess you're tired. We'll call it an evening and see you another time.' Then leave, even if they ask you to stay. Your husband also needs to talk to his best friend about his wife's behavior, and be very direct about what's going on and how it makes both of you uncomfortable.

If things don't change, then you need to stop hanging out with them as couples. If your husband wants to hang out with his best friend without the wife, that's fine. Under no circumstances should your husband hang out with his friend and the friend's wife without you.

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If the wife insists on tagging along when the men hang out, your husband needs to make it clear that he's not comfortable with that, and leave. OP, this woman is not your friend. You don't need to spend time with her, or try to make plans with just her that she's just going to cancel.

MD7001 − You don’t. It’s up to your husband to address. It’s a lose lose if you say something

PretendEditor9946 − Honestly your husband needs to be rude to her at this point and say it back the f*** off

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gtown725 − Oh she’s definitely a snake in the grass, so watch out. A fun way to deal with it would be to ramp up the affection to your husband right in front of her, pour it on thick. Interrupt him if they are talking and kiss him real passionate. But yeah, keep a careful eye on her.

user37463928 − Why are you still acting nicely to her? She is being rude and inappropriate.. Don't ask her questions about herself. Don't hug her. Don't invite her over. And your husband has to be on the same page since she is disrespecting you.

He should not be initiating or even accepting physical contact with her. Your husband should be showing YOU affection in front of her. Don't play games. Don't stoop to her level of playing catty. He needs to show clearly where each of you stand in his life. You should not be fighting with her over your husband!

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Healthy_Journey650 − I actually don’t think your husband should say anything to his friend. I think he should say something to her with both words and actions. He should stop all physical contact immediately. No initiating hugs with her unless she has just hugged you and it would be awkward and even then a short side hug.

She needs to feel his r**ection of her advances directly - not be told by her husband or you. He needs to give her the cold shoulder, not be rude, but definitely treat her as an acquaintance and treat you as his wife. He needs to lay it on thick with the praise and adoration.

My husband does this all the time and still gets hit on by women right in front of me. But the good women friends will say to me privately “(husband’s name) is so crazy about you. He thinks you hung the moon. He adores you, etc.”. He needs to nip it - nip it in the bud!!

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These takes are juicy, but do they nail the solution or just stir the pot?

This saga of flirty hugs and icy snubs reveals the tightrope of trust in friendships. The wife’s not overreacting—her radar’s spot-on, and her husband’s resolve to call out the behavior is a win for their team. By setting firm boundaries, like dodging the friend’s house and redirecting flirty vibes, they can protect their marriage without burning bridges. Yet, the friend’s wife’s motives linger like smoke. What would you do if a friend’s spouse flirted with your partner? Drop your thoughts—let’s keep this chat sizzling!

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