I (F20) pressed my boyfriend (M22) on a question and now I regret it.

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In a cozy hotel room, far from the miles that usually separate them, a young woman hopes to deepen her connection with her boyfriend, only to find her heart bruised by an unexpected jab. Eight months into their long-distance romance, a playful question about bedroom fantasies spirals into a tearful exchange when he wishes she were skinnier. The sting of his words lingers, dimming the glow of their reunion.

This heartfelt tale captures the raw vulnerability of love tangled with body image insecurities. The original poster (OP), already sensitive about her weight, grapples with her boyfriend’s clumsy comment, which he ties to his own doubts and his mother’s harsh words. As trust wavers, their story draws readers into a poignant exploration of communication and self-worth in young relationships.

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‘I (F20) pressed my boyfriend (M22) on a question and now I regret it.’

So my bf(22) and I (20) have been together for about 8 months. We are in a long distance relationship so when I was visiting I asked if he had any fantasies in the bedroom. He said he had none but I kept pressing, because I wanted to make him happy, you know how it is.

So he said that he wished I was skinnier ever since the first time we did the deed, so that he could pick me up and stuff. Now I'm not skinny, I'm what people call a midsize and before we met I was very transparent with him about the way I looked.

I am pretty insecure about my weight (which he knows), so I started crying and he apologised profusely and he also started crying. He said he didn't mean it like that and he was projecting his insecurities onto me, because he wished he was stronger and his Thai mom said I was fat and that bothered him aswell.

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I even lost 5kgs, so I was feeling happy about myself, but that comment just really ruined it. So now I'm not sure what to think, before he always complimented me how pretty I am and everything, but now the compliments he gives just don't feel genuine anymore. Am I spiraling and it really was just a miscommunication?. Tldr: bf said he wished I was skinny so he could lift me up in the bedroom

A boyfriend’s wish for a skinnier partner, voiced during an intimate moment, can feel like a betrayal, especially for someone already wrestling with body image. The OP’s push for honesty unearthed a poorly worded remark rooted in her boyfriend’s insecurities and cultural pressures from his mother. Their tearful exchange reveals a deeper issue: navigating sensitive topics in a fledgling, long-distance relationship.

Body image conflicts are common in relationships, particularly among young adults. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 65% of women in romantic relationships report body dissatisfaction, often amplified by partners’ comments. The OP’s midsize pride, bolstered by recent weight loss, made her boyfriend’s remark especially jarring, while his mother’s cultural emphasis on thinness added external pressure.

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Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch, known as The Love Doctor, states, “Honesty in relationships must be paired with sensitivity to avoid harm.” The boyfriend’s attempt to explain his comment as self-projection shows regret, but his mention of his mother’s fat-shaming was a misstep, undermining the OP’s confidence. Both need better tools to discuss insecurities without wounding each other.

Rebuilding trust could start with open dialogue, as 72% of couples improve communication after addressing hurtful comments, per a 2022 Psychology Today report. The OP might share her feelings calmly, while her boyfriend could affirm her attractiveness and challenge his mother’s biases. This story underscores the delicate balance of honesty and empathy in love.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit dives into this emotional tangle with empathy and sharp takes. Many support the OP, criticizing her boyfriend’s tactless comment and his mother’s inappropriate remark, while urging her to prioritize self-love.

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Others see miscommunication, suggesting he meant to express his own physical limitations rather than body-shame her, and encourage a forgiving talk. The consensus leans toward addressing the hurt while valuing her worth.

cjmmoseley − the comment from his mom wasn't appropriate, did he say what his response was? as for y'alls conversation, it seems more like he wishes he could pick you up, not a comment about your body. he wouldn't be with you if he didn't find you attractive. it's not like y'all started dating and then your looks changed.

BackgroundPublic2529 − About the Thai mom.... Many Asian cultures REALLY emphasize being thin as a beauty standard.. My wife is Chinese. Born there.. She is 5'5'/164CM, 128lbs/58kg. She is fit and moderately curvy.. Perfect...

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She just spent 6 weeks with family in China and came back obsessed with the idea that she is fat.. As far as the boyfriend goes, I think he said something stupid while trying to convey something else.. Is English his first language?

A man would have to be either insanely stupid or just plain cruel to make a comment like that after your first intimacy. He does not sound like either. Give him the benefit of the doubt and give yourself a break. He is with you because he finds you attractive.. He is probably right.. Good luck!

jakeblack99 − That’s not really a s** fantasy. “I wish you were skinny” lol. How lame. I mean that’s about the most lame thing I have ever heard. You asking him what he would like to do s**ually - he could say anything - what a cool invitation.

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And he comes up with that? All I can do is shake my head. How about you tell him to hit the gym so he could be strong enough to lift you? Lol I think you two can talk about it. So you really think he meant to insult you / hurt your feelings? It’s more likely that he just made a really stupid choice of what to say.

CalligrapherHeavy185 − It sounds more like he was referring to his lack of physical strength. Not that he doesn’t find you attractive. I think he just worded it very poorly.

Princess-Pancake-97 − Wanting you to be skinner isn’t a bedroom fantasy. Look, you’re only 20, the relationship is only 8 months old, you’re long-distance, and he’s already criticising your weight/body. I think it’s best to call it quits on this one and find someone who will be more respectful and sensitive to your insecurities.

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accj30 − She asked for a s** fantasy and he body shamed her. He's an a**hole.

Korngander − Children be children

whiskeyinthewoods − The first time I met my wonderful partner in person, he told me he was so relieved that I wasn’t super skinny. We met online and most of my photos were outdoorsy in puffy coats and oversized hoodies and while I’m midsized like you, my face looks thinner than my body if that makes sense?

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Either way, it felt SO AMAZING to hear that he actually prefers me the size I am and isn’t secretly wishing I was smaller! 20 is way too young to waste your life on someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Whether he is clueless and has a low emotional IQ or he’s actively a jerk trying to make you feel bad about yourself to keep you under his thumb, you’ll never be able to unhear what he said.

Marie Kondo that man and go find yourself one who brings you joy! You might have to look around, but they are out there! After wasting a decade of my life trying to get approval and validation from selfish and unkind partners, my only regret is that I didn’t hold out for someone who treated me with the same love, generosity, and thoughtfulness I gave them.

Responsible_Card7118 − I wish you had just said, I guess you need to start lifting some weights then. Why is it always us girls who feel like we have to change everything to please a man? Not man hating here but this is completely a him problem and he projected it onto you.

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[Reddit User] − Bruh don’t tell her what ur mom said 🤦‍♀️ j stand up to the mom. The gf doesn’t need to hear abt that awful comment

From a hopeful question to a hurtful revelation, this young couple’s story shows how words can wound, especially when insecurities collide. The OP’s journey reflects the challenge of trusting a partner’s intentions while honoring self-worth. As they navigate this bump, communication and empathy are key. Share your thoughts—how do you handle sensitive comments in relationships?

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