[UPDATE] How do I (28F) break up with someone when I’m their (31M) everything?

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Ten years ago, a young woman fell for a man whose charm masked his struggles. She built a career, found stability, and dreamed of a shared future, but he remained anchored in the past, leaning on her as his sole lifeline. Exhausted by his codependency and unfulfilled promises, she made the gut-wrenching choice to walk away, trading familiarity for freedom. Her Reddit update reveals a life reborn, sparked by one brave conversation.

This story grips readers with its raw honesty, evoking the weight of her decision and the lightness of her newfound joy. It’s a tale of breaking free from emotional entanglement, resonating with anyone who’s ever felt trapped by love. As she steps into a fresh chapter, the narrative invites us to cheer her courage and ponder the cost of staying versus leaving.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original Post.

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‘[UPDATE] How do I (28F) break up with someone when I’m their (31M) everything?’

Straight to it: I broke up with him a day after I made my original post a few months ago. I was emboldened by the support and, strangely enough, even some of the negative comments. I came home from work and blurted it out, straight and to the point.

I told him that I wasn’t happy, I hadn’t been for a while, and that we would be separating. We agreed that he could stay in the extra bedroom for a few months while we got everything sorted but when the lease was up we would be going our separate ways. The last few months have been hard.

He went into full blown panic mode, promised to change in the ways I had waited years for, and had several actual melt downs begging me to stay. It was painful, but my resolve to live my own life never wavered. I just signed a new lease (by myself) and have begun to casually date someone in the same field as me.

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Life has an excitement to it that I haven’t felt in years, it’s like I’ve taken my first deep breath in a long time. So, if you’re on the fence about leaving someone but your lives are so enmeshed that you don’t see how it is possible: put yourself first, there is always a way out. Thank you!. 

Her decision to end a codependent relationship, despiteesseur pleas, reflects a pivotal act of self-preservation. He saw her as his world, but his reliance—rooted in mental health struggles and job instability—stifled her growth. She waited a decade for his progress, but his unchanged patterns and emotional meltdowns during the breakup reveal a dynamic where her needs were sidelined. Her resolve to leave underscores a shift toward prioritizing herself.

Codependency often traps partners in unhealthy cycles. A 2020 study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 40% of couples report codependent traits, linked to higher rates of emotional burnout (soucre). Her exhaustion mirrors this, as his dependence drained her vitality.

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Psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone advises, “Breaking free from codependency requires setting boundaries and rediscovering your identity outside the relationship” (soucre). Firestone’s insight highlights the woman’s strength in reclaiming her life, evident in her new lease and casual dating. Her story shows that leaving, though painful, can spark renewal.

She should continue nurturing her independence, perhaps through therapy to process the breakup’s emotional toll. Couples in similar situations can explore codependency workshops to rebuild balance.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s users brought their A-game, mixing cheers with raw empathy in a comment section that feels like a group hug. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the online crowd:

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drivincryin − Amen. Leases, shared bills, mutual enjoyment of GOTs or Survivor while everything else is terrible is no reason to stay together. I’ve told my sons. Keep an emergency fund that you NEVER touch. Don’t bail on relationships, but NEVER stay in a relationship because you don’t have first months/last months rent and security deposit.. EDIT - thanks for the gold!! Just trying to share some hard-earned wisdom.

[Reddit User] − This is so relatable to me. I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years and while it was very hard to do, I feel so much better living on my own and working on figuring out who I am as an individual. I spent so long putting him and others first that I forgot to put myself first. It’s tough, but sometimes the hardest things are the right things to do. Best of luck to you!

DiamanteDog − Great update, all the best for the future!

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thefallenaingel − I needed to hear this. I still don't have your strength but I need to hear this and I need to find it in me too. I am not surprised to hear (as you share in a comment) that your now ex boyfriend, despite his promises, did not follow through.. Congratulations on your success and I hope that you have a happy future.. ​

DanChed − This was horrible to read as it reminded me about my ex doing the same thing. A real gut punch yet it was the best thing that happened to me when she left me and I had to make other things my everything.

huxley00 − Good job, glad you stayed strong and didn't fall for the fake 'promises' of change. You done good.

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fershizzle80 − I did this several years ago and have been single since. She is married to the guy she moved in three days after I left. I feel stuck in a rut, kinda killed my self esteem that she moved on so quickly.

Theprisonwaif − The best thing my ex did for me was to break up with me. I was codependent, and severely depressed. It made me get help and now I’m in a healthy relationship with both myself and my spouse.

Jilltro − OP I’m so happy you got out of that awful situation and are moving on. Don’t listen to the rabble who are trying to imply you did something wrong by not putting your life on hold for your old relationship any longer. Sometimes relationships are over for a long time before they actually end and I’m glad you’re living your best life.

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draggingmyfeet − That’s great! Be careful about jumping into anything long term right away. Take care of yourself ❤️

These reactions hit home, but do they capture the full weight of her choice?

This woman’s leap from a codependent decade to a life of her own is a testament to courage over comfort. Leaving a partner who saw her as his everything wasn’t easy, but it unlocked a joy she hadn’t felt in years. Her story reminds us that putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Have you ever had to untangle your life from someone who needed you too much? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your experiences and let’s unpack this journey of self-discovery!

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