My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful.

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In a marriage built on love and trust, a 36-year-old woman finds herself wrestling with an unexpected grudge. Her husband’s unshakable confidence in her loyalty—never showing jealousy, even when her ex joins her workplace—feels like indifference, not devotion. Her belief that jealousy equals love sparks a heated argument, threatening their 12-year bond. This Reddit post pulls readers into a raw clash of emotional needs, where trust and resentment collide.

Her story resonates with anyone who’s questioned a partner’s passion. Can she reconcile her need for jealousy with his steadfast trust, or will her resentment erode their love? Her journey is a vivid reminder that even the strongest marriages can falter over mismatched expectations.

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‘My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful.’

I have been married to my husband for 12 years, 13 together, 3 kids. He proposed 6 months after ,e got together and told me he knew by the second date. He is indeed very practical and rational. He is also very caring, kind and supportive, Just really à wonderful partner, except for one thing, he doesnt get jealous, like AT ALL.

By that I mean if someone flirts with me he willl just chuckle and move on, sometimes leaving me tk deal with them alone, when his friend's father spent the entire night of his sons wedding hitting on me he just said 'Pff what à loser' and moved on, I even had an ex write à poem and post it tagged me, still he just said 'wow cool' and when I say how come you are not jealous he says'what would I? I trust you'

Last week I reached my boiling point, à month ago there were some workers transferred to our department among them was my ex. We broke up amicably, he moved to à different country and we kept à very shallow contact(like once à year for a happy birthday text)

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When i went home I immediately told my husband and he said cool and then started talking about sth else. I snapped. Not my proudest moment but I said 'are you serious? I just told you I am working with the ex I stayed with for years and you dont care' he said 'what do you want me to say?

I know you and I know you are extreemly loyal, I know you will never cross any boundaries, I completely trust you so why would I be jealous?' Now I know I will never cross any boundaries, we never had that issue in our relationship, I am crazy about my husband, he is the one and only, I have spent my life showing him how much I love him because I really do,

but being jealous I see it as an expression of love, and him being so cold and indifferent is making me resentful and I hate it. It just feels like he has taken me for granted.. I am hurt and he has been more affectionate than usual but hadnt referred to that argument again.. How do I naviguate these feelings? It seems silly but I am hurt.

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Feeling unvalued in a marriage can stir deep resentment, and this woman’s frustration with her husband’s lack of jealousy reflects a clash of love languages. Her view of jealousy as proof of love contrasts sharply with his trust, which he sees as the ultimate expression of devotion.

Dr. Gary Chapman, creator of the Five Love Languages, explains, “When partners speak different love languages, unmet expectations can breed resentment” (The 5 Love Languages). Her desire for jealousy may stem from a need for affirmation or passion, while his nonchalance reflects security in their bond. A 2023 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 45% of couples experience tension over differing emotional expressions, often requiring open dialogue to resolve (Journal of Marriage and Family).

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The broader issue is how past experiences shape emotional needs. Her ex’s presence may amplify her insecurity, especially if prior relationships equated jealousy with care. His trust, while healthy, feels dismissive to her, and his failure to revisit their argument suggests avoidance of her deeper hurt.

Dr. Chapman advises “identifying and communicating core emotional needs.” Therapy could help her explore why jealousy feels like love and articulate what affirmation she craves, like more vocal appreciation. He should validate her feelings, perhaps showing care through small possessive gestures, like staying close when others flirt.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of tough love and eye-rolls, like a group chat roasting a friend’s logic. From slamming her mindset to urging therapy, here’s their take:

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[Reddit User] − Why are you angry about the fact he trusts you?. You must have learned control and possessiveness means love. It does not.

Financial_Hyena_7960 − This is a you problem, not a him problem. It seems that jealousy is your love language, and that's not healthy. It's a *good* thing for your partner to trust you so much that he doesn't get jealous. You should be thankful, not resentful, and I'd seek out some therapy if I were you because you're essentially punishing him for trusting and respecting you.

jamicam − So you are angry with him for trusting you and having mature, rational reactions to situations which are of absolutely no threat to your relationship whatsoever?

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Rip_Dirtbag − OP, can you go back and reread this and pretend like someone else wrote it and it’s about a total stranger? Because if you do that I think you might see just how poorly a picture of yourself you are painting.

NorthernLitUp − Wow. Just............ wow. Why don't you just sleep with your ex? That'll show your husband to trust you like that! I mean, how dare he?

JJQuantum − Just stop. You talk about how awesome he is and then get pissed because he trusts you completely? This is a you problem. See a therapist.

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Turbulent-Yam3617 − This can't be f**king real

Specific-Street-8441 − I’m being tough to be kind, here: This is an unhealthy way to think. You’ve got a great marriage and a man who loves and trusts you completely. The root of this must be deep inside there, somewhere, and you’re only going to get more bothered by this until you dig down and weed it out.

The good news is, this is what counselling and therapy are for. None of us are perfect, while the attitude you’ve got is not healthy, to occasionally fall into an unhealthy attitude is normal. It’s what you do about it that matters, and you’re already recognising that this seems irrational.

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Find someone to talk to, preferably a professional. You’ll get past this for good and it’ll stop being an obstacle in your marriage. It’s not for “nutters” and “basket-cases”, it’s for ordinary people to work on their human flaws and become their best selves - it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.. It’s ok not to be “ok”, but it’s not ok to stay “not ok”. Good luck!

Cosmic-Princesa − Girl…. Bye.

[Reddit User] − but being jealous I see it as an expression of love. Did you write your age wrong and you are actually 16 instead of 36? Because this is the mentality a high schooler has.

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These Redditors call her resentment a “her problem,” praising his trust but urging introspection. Their bluntness is fierce, but do their takes oversimplify her emotional needs? One thing’s clear: this story has sparked a lively debate.

This woman’s story is a poignant reminder that love’s expressions can divide as much as they unite. Her husband’s unwavering trust, meant as devotion, feels like neglect to her heart craving jealousy’s fire. Can she reframe her needs to cherish his trust, or will resentment chip away at their bond? Her journey challenges us to reflect on how we define love. How would you handle a partner’s trust feeling like indifference? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation.

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful.

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