I [59M] cut two of my kids [24F][28M] out of my will for his irresponsible spending of their previous inheritance. How should I fix this situation?

In a quiet English home, a 59-year-old father sits at his desk, the weight of a fractured family pressing on his shoulders. Years after his ex-wife’s passing, her generous inheritance to their five children—meant for debt relief, education, or future homes—has sparked a bitter divide.

Two siblings, a 24-year-old daughter and 28-year-old son, burned through their £300,000 shares on lavish travel and substance-fueled excess, ignoring their mother’s wishes. Furious at their recklessness, the father struck them from his will, only to face their wrath when a sibling’s slip revealed his decision. Now, they’ve declared him “dead to them,” leaving him torn between principle and reconciliation.

‘I [59M] cut two of my kids [24F][28M] out of my will for his irresponsible spending of their previous inheritance. How should I fix this situation?’

This father’s clash with his children over inheritance exposes a raw nerve: the collision of parental expectations and adult autonomy. The 24-year-old daughter’s global gallivanting and the 28-year-old son’s descent into drugs and excess defied their mother’s intent for the £300,000 gifts. The father, stung by their disregard, sees his will as a last stand to enforce responsibility, but his secrecy and their backlash reveal a deeper communication gap.

From the children’s view, the disinheritance feels like a betrayal, especially since the father shared it with siblings first, sowing division. He likely aimed to protect his estate, earned through decades of toil, but his approach—hounding them, then cutting them out—escalated tensions. The son’s substance abuse signals a cry for help, while the daughter’s travels, though extravagant, may reflect a search for meaning in her 20s.

Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on family dynamics, notes, “Ambiguous loss, like fractured family ties, requires open dialogue to heal.” This suggests the father’s unilateral decision, without direct confrontation, fueled the rift. The broader issue lies in inheritance expectations: parents often see it as a tool for control, while adult children view it as their right, creating inevitable clashes.

To mend this, the father could initiate a candid family meeting, perhaps with a mediator, to air grievances and set terms—like trusts with stipulations for the two children, tied to milestones like sobriety or employment. Legal advice is crucial to structure the will securely. Reconciliation hinges on listening, not lecturing, to rebuild trust.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s responders dished out a spectrum of takes, from legal nitty-gritty to fiery moral judgments. Some cheered the father’s tough love, seeing the kids’ spending as a slap to their mother’s memory. Others slammed his secrecy, arguing it set siblings against each other.

Suggestions ranged from trusts to rehab deals, with a few calling the daughter’s travels less sinful than her brother’s binges. These views, sharp and varied, mirror the messy reality of family and money, where no one fully agrees.

This saga of squandered wealth and severed ties is a stark reminder that money can’t buy family harmony. The father’s stand to protect his legacy clashed with his kids’ reckless choices, leaving a trail of hurt.

Their story challenges us to weigh discipline against forgiveness in family ties. Have you faced tough calls over money with loved ones? Share your stories or advice in the comments!