AITA for not inviting any of my family to my wedding and replying that I knew they’d be too busy when questioned about why?

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A wedding day sparkles with dreams of love and unity, but for one woman, it’s a chance to break free from a lifetime of family neglect. As the youngest of five, she’s spent years watching her parents and siblings skip her birthdays, graduations, and milestones, always armed with flimsy excuses. When her engagement party became another no-show, she drew a line: no family at her wedding. Her sharp reply to their protests? She knew they’d be too busy.

This Reddit tale dives into a saga of hurt, liberation, and tough choices. Was she wrong to exclude her family, or was her decision a bold step toward self-respect? Let’s explore this emotional journey of redefining family and finding peace.

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‘AITA for not inviting any of my family to my wedding and replying that I knew they’d be too busy when questioned about why?’

I (27f) am the youngest in a family of five. My siblings are 10+ years older than me. We're all full siblings too. I was the accidental pregnancy that happened when my parents were done having kids. I have often questioned if because I was accidental pregnancy, they never really wanted me and therefore we've ended up here.

But of course nobody ever said that to my face. That's just where my brain goes. There is a repeated pattern of everyone having plans or being busy when it's my birthday or something important happens in my life. With my siblings I understand more. We were never close and they never pretended we were or that they cared.

It's different with my parents.. Some examples I can mention; \- I had a joint 16th birthday party with my best friend. I was 16 that Friday, she was 16 that Sunday and the party was Saturday. My best friend's parents paid for both of us. Even invited my whole family. My siblings never replied which I took to mean no.

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My parents said they had other plans even though they never told me that before when I had asked them about the party. They never said it when I originally invited them either. They said my siblings would come to make up for it but they told our parents they had important jobs they couldn't get away from on a Saturday night.

\- For my 18th birthday I invited them out to a family dinner. My siblings said they were all working that weekend. My dad said he was going to be in hospital after a procedure he never mentioned before and he didn't actually have in the end and he wasn't in the hospital, though he did go somewhere that night. My mom said she was visiting her sister and couldn't get away. None of them had other dates they could say they'd be free.

\- My 21st was the same. Only my parents said they would come and they didn't. They all had medical/dental stuff going on. \- My high school and college graduation were two events where everyone had 'medical appointments' and could not reschedule to come. I started going to therapy a couple of years ago to help me navigate how I felt about everything.

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My original therapist was really good but she had to leave due to illness and I struggle with my current one. She has encouraged me to keep trying with my family and to always be open for them to return my efforts. She said it's important to never give up on family. I was reaching the end of my rope when my fiancé and I got engaged.

Especially with how close I've become to my future-MIL. I was talking to him about how I didn't know if I should invite them to our engagement party or wedding and how I didn't want to but a part of me felt like I had to because of the therapist. He suggested I make one more attempt by inviting them to the engagement party and if none of them show up,

I can say I tried over the years and even gave them one more chance but I have to move on for my own peace of mind and our future kids. He said then we can get married knowing I had giving them more chances than most would. Nobody showed up to our engagement party. Everyone had medical appointments from 8pm until late on a Friday night.

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My whole family. Both parents, all four siblings and their partners and kids. I did what my fiancé suggested and decided I was done. It felt so good, still feels so good. But they found out invites went out and I was asked why they weren't invited or given info on the wedding.

I told them I knew they would be too busy and didn't want to inconvenience them by having to explain all the important stuff going on in their lives that prevented them from coming to my wedding. There was some backlash from my text before I blocked them. It felt good to be free.

But then my therapist was saying my wedding was a big thing to not invite them to and did I really want to close the door forever and be the kind of person who doesn't value family. For a while I have considered if I need a different therapist. My fiancé believes so from what he's heard from me. But I don't know if that's just because he's so protective of me or if the therapist is right and I'm being an ass and she's trying to stop me from being one.. AITA?

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Family neglect can leave deep scars, and this woman’s choice to exclude her relatives from her wedding reflects a hard-won boundary. Her family’s consistent absence—missing birthdays, graduations, and her engagement party—signals a lack of emotional investment, likely fueling her feelings of being an unwanted “accidental” child. Her sharp response to their inquiries and subsequent blocking show a reclaiming of power, though her therapist’s criticism risks undermining her progress.

A 2019 study in Family Relations found that chronic family rejection can lead to lower self-esteem and mental health challenges, underscoring the woman’s need for therapy that validates her experience. Her current therapist’s push to “never give up on family” ignores the toll of one-sided efforts, potentially re-traumatizing her.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, “Boundaries with toxic family are not betrayal; they’re self-preservation.” Durvasula’s insight supports the woman’s decision to prioritize her well-being and her fiancé’s family, who offer genuine support. The therapist’s stance misaligns with her needs, suggesting a change is overdue.

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She should seek a therapist who specializes in family dysfunction to process her grief and reinforce her boundaries. Embracing her fiancé’s family as her own can build a new support network.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rallied around this one like a chosen family, delivering a mix of fiery support and practical advice with a dash of humor. Was the woman’s decision a triumph, or did her therapist have a point? Here’s what the community tossed into the ring:

Sassy-Peanut − Your 'therapist' has accused you of not valuing family when for most of your life your family has never valued you. I cannot imagine the pain your parents and siblings have put you through over the years. They don't deserve you so start valuing yourself the way your fiance appears to and make a new family with him.. And fire the crappy therapist.

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bookworm-1960 − NTA. You definitely need a new therapist. One that lives in reality. I probably would have answered the why with why would I invite any of you? You have never been around for any of my important events, and I didn't feel the need to do another round of inviting you so you once again come up with fake excuses to not attend. Then block them. :). Enjoy your wedding and your life with the family you are creating.

Dresden_Mouse − Tell them you handed the invitations at engament party

Eastern_Condition863 − NTA. Arms get tired from holding doors open forever. It's okay to put your arm down and let the door just close naturally. They see the door closing, but they aren't running over to keep it open either. Time to let them go. I think inviting them one last time to the engagement was a good last step to say that you have tried everything.

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Nsr444 − drop the therapist... NTA  you tried

Go-Mellistic − Psychologist here. Fire your therapist. Your therapist clearly does not understand dysfunctional families. NTA. You absolutely did the right thing not inviting them. Go NC with the lot, embrace your in-laws and create a family of choice. Good luck to you!

Cute-Profession9983 − You need a different therapist. Your family are AHs. What chronic illnesses have them at the doctors for every single one of your major life moments?

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Preference_Afraid − NTA. I have a brother like this. My running joke is that should I die before him and he comes to the services I want someone to tell him 'she'd be so happy you finally made it to one of her milestone events'. And yes, you need a new therapist.

It sounds like this situation with your family has had a pretty major impact on you, and not in a good way. Your therapist should be helping you navigate how to process your feelings and setting boundaries, even if that means no/low contact.

Cybermagetx − You need a new therapist. You didnt close the door. They did a long time ago. You just accepted it. Nta.

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redditlurker1981 − Your therapist is a j**kass. Sometimes blood is nothing but a stain that needs to be cleaned from your life. Your families n**lect is neither your fault nor your problem.. But be warned, you are the one everyone will come to when they need help

These Reddit takes are a lifeline, but do they fully capture the weight of her choice, or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

This wedding saga shows that family isn’t always blood—it’s who shows up when it counts. The woman’s bold move to exclude her neglectful relatives and embrace her fiancé’s kin is a testament to self-love, even if her therapist’s words sting. The broader lesson? Boundaries are freedom, not failure. Have you ever had to redefine family for your own peace? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your stories in the comments and let’s keep this heartfelt conversation flowing!

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