So my (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend

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A quiet evening picking outfits turned into a storm of betrayal when a woman gently asked her best friend, Jessie, to stop being overly touchy with her boyfriend. For those who want to read the previous part: My (24F) best friend (24F) is too handsy with my boyfriend (26M) and I think it’s inappropriate. Jessie’s cold smirk and a flood of toxic texts revealed a friendship built on control, not care, with claims that the woman “owes” her everything—even her partner.

The revelation, capped by Jessie’s chilling threat to “prove” she could take the boyfriend, left readers gasping. Is this the end of a lifelong bond, or a wake-up call to reclaim respect? This Reddit update dives into the tangled web of loyalty, manipulation, and boundaries, served with a wry smile and a nod to standing firm. Let’s unravel the latest drama.

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‘So my (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend’

Yesterday I posted here about how my best friend Jessie is a bit handsy with my boyfriend and it makes me feel uncomfortable..  I am very thankful to all those who commented, especially the ones who encouraged me to say something and what. I don't like arguments, so those were very important to me, thank you!

Last night we were alone cause she wanted me to help her choose clothes for an event. I was at her place so I thought I should say something (I wanted to say something). I was very polite and just said that I knew she meant no harm but I didnt feel good about it. So I asked her if she could tone it down (I should have said 'stop' but I guess I'm weak).

She didnt really say anything mean, but her attitude was a bit off, I think. She was looking at me in a scornful kind of way, and the way she smiled once I was done talking... it just felt weird. She didnt say anything else but 'okay' and we just moved on to choosing her clothes and I left after.

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We were supposed to go get something to eat but she said she was tired. I am not dumb, she was hurt. So I texted a common friend (more her friend than mine) and, without getting into details, I just told him that I talked to Jess about something that was important to me but that I was afraid she may have gotten the wrong idea from it.

The common friend said 'look, I dont wanna get involved, but you should watch it'. I asked what he meant, he said 'nothing, just watch it'. A little while after that he texts me back and says 'changed my mind, I do want to get involved' and sends me a bunch of prints of texts going back and forth between him and Jessie.

It basically starts with him asking her if the two of us had a fight, cause I was worried (he was kind with his words, I dont mind him stepping in) and then just a non-stop stream of her being horrible. She says I had a big mouth and was judging her behavior cause I'm a prude who doesn't know how to be around guys.

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How she taught me everything I know about having a life and how dare I tell her what she can or cannot do, or how I should thank her for even having a boyfriend at all. Common friend actually called her out for being rude and no friend of mine. After the prints he told me 'I'm done with her, I give up, and you should watch it'.

He also said it was ok if I told her I had the prints. I didn't though. Didn't know what to say. I mean she is not 100% wrong. But even though I know that, it really hurts to read those. This morning I wake up and see she texted me late at night.

She says she knows 'Pete' sent me the prints and she didn't mean to be rude, but it's ridiculous that I am jealous of her because if she wanted my BF she could just have him, 'you want me to prove it?'. So I'm being silly and should drop it, is what she meant. She ends it with kisses and a joke.

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So I don't know if she was being playful, apologizing, threatening or being pragmatical.. I didn't answer her yet.. I don't know what to say.. Should I even say something? Or should I just let it go? I wish I could talk to someone about this but I am very private. I usually go to Jessie with these things.. Help?.

Friendships should lift you up, but this saga shows how they can suffocate when rooted in control. The OP’s attempt to address Jessie’s handsy behavior with her boyfriend was met with scorn and a barrage of texts claiming she “owes” Jessie her entire life, including her partner. Jessie’s threat to “take” the boyfriend, thinly veiled as a joke, reveals a manipulative streak that undermines trust.

This reflects broader issues of toxic dynamics in friendships. A 2022 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that 59% of people experience controlling behavior from close friends, often tied to insecurity or jealousy. Jessie’s need to dominate, likely fueled by her past “queen bee” status, clashes with the OP’s growing assertiveness. Her texts and threat suggest a bid to maintain power.

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Dr. Jan Yager, a friendship expert, writes, “True friends respect your autonomy, not claim ownership over your life” (When Friendship Hurts). Jessie’s reaction to the OP’s boundary—scorn, then a threatening “apology”—signals a lack of respect. Yager advises addressing such behavior directly or distancing if it persists. The OP’s hesitation, tied to their history, is understandable but risky.

The OP should share the texts with her boyfriend to align on next steps, possibly confronting Jessie together to reinforce boundaries. If Jessie doubles down, phasing her out, as Yager suggests, may protect the OP’s well-being. Therapy, per Psychology Today, could help process the betrayal.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit squad stormed in like a truth-telling tornado, dishing out fierce support and no-nonsense advice. It’s like a virtual intervention with zero chill and all the tea. Here’s the unfiltered buzz:

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twlo_ashley − You need to drop this “friendship” ASAP. She is a toxic person and just brings you down. Now I know it’s easier said than done but I promise you it’s for your well being. And like others told you on the last post you owe her nothing.

You would’ve gotten this boyfriend and EVERYTHING else good in your life on your own with or without her. So please stop thinking she did those things for you because you did them all yourself.

Sympathetic_Witch − The fact that she said 'if I wanted your boyfriend I could take him' is reason enough to drop her as a friend. Just, wow.

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Glassclose − sounds like this person is completely wrapped up in their own head and have a serious case of over thinking their importance in life, especially other's lives.. obviously we're all going to tell you to drop her because she's not a desirable person to be around if that's how she acts/ talks to you in person and behind your back.

this person thinks they own you enough so that they're decided to 'let you have' your bf..? f**k that s**t.. ​. ​. Also show your guy everything that's happened cause guaranteed she's going to go after him.

rhi-sia − She’s not your friend, and that absolutely was a threat to steal your partner. You’ll never be able to trust her again. Respect yourself and drop her.

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[Reddit User] − She sounds like an a**hole. Why do you want to be around her?

[Reddit User] − You don’t need to ‘end’ the relationship officially. Just phase her out of your life. She has ZERO respect for you as a person. Touches your boyfriend, texts you about your boyfriend, ‘jokes’ about taking your boyfriend? She gets off on thinking she can control you.

Usually when controlling people feel like they are losing their control they double down on the toxic behavior, that’s why I suggest phasing her out of your life. Just so you know, people who love and respect you would never do anything to lose you as a friend.

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Your request for her to stop touching your boyfriend is completely reasonable, which is why she said ‘okay’ but her brain completely melted down by the idea of you asserting yourself as an individual.

For whatever reason, she thinks she owns you and is entitled to whatever is yours. That is completely toxic. Stop believing you wouldn’t be who you are without her in your life. That belief is reinforcing her behavior.. She is not a friend. She enjoys controlling you.

EosMermaidGoddess − She is mean. Her texts are threatening. She is not a true friend. She is using you as someone she feels is lower than herself on the social hierarchy so she can feel better about herself. She is not your friend and does not care for your well being. Cut her out now. Do not take any more b**lshit from this girl.

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Wlynz − I guarantee you she meant everything she said. You know how the saying goes. ' When someone shows you who they are, believe them.' She only added the joke at the end so it doesn't seem as hostile, and she can get away with saying it. And think about.

Why would 'Pete', someone who's more her friend, warn you about her if she hasn't talked badly about you before? She acts like your her sidekick when friend's are supposed to be equal. I think you should confine in your boyfriend about the situation because I have a feeling he sees something you don't. It's possible he doesn't like her because of the way she treats you. He did say that you don't ever give her any boundaries.

uglybutterfly025 − Kick that b**ch right out of your life. Block on everything. Ghost her.

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ThriftyLizzie27 − Tell her to f**k off and back off your man

Redditors slammed Jessie’s toxicity, urging the OP to cut ties and warning of her manipulative intent. Many praised the mutual friend’s honesty, while others flagged Jessie’s threat as a dealbreaker. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s certain: this friendship fallout has everyone talking.

This update exposes the dark side of a friendship where loyalty masked control. Jessie’s claim to “own” the OP’s life, paired with her threat to take her boyfriend, shatters the illusion of sisterhood. The OP’s courage to speak up, though met with venom, marks a step toward reclaiming her voice. Readers, what’s your take? Have you ever faced a friend who tried to control your life? How would you handle Jessie’s toxic power play? Share below!

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