My (24F) best friend (24F) is too handsy with my boyfriend (26M) and I think it’s inappropriate

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The buzz of a lively get-together turned tense when a woman’s best friend, Jessie, got a bit too cozy with her boyfriend. With playful spanks and flirty touches, Jessie’s attention-seeking antics left her friend fuming, especially after cryptic texts hinted at party mischief that never happened. Caught between loyalty to a childhood ally and unease over crossed lines, she’s questioning her instincts.

This Reddit drama, dripping with high-school vibes and modern-day boundaries, hooks readers with its messy mix of friendship and flirtation. Is she overreacting to Jessie’s bold moves, or is it time to draw a line in the sand? With a smirk and a raised eyebrow, let’s dive into the chaos of loyalty, jealousy, and a party that flipped the script.

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‘My (24F) best friend (24F) is too handsy with my boyfriend (26M) and I think it’s inappropriate’

I know I should be careful calling someone 'best friend' in a post like this, but I don't know how else to call 'Jessie'. Our parents are great friends so we grew up together and she kind of had my back in high school. Long story short, on the teenager food chain, she was on top and I should be on the bottom.

But nobody messed with me cause I was 'Jessie's friend'. Jessie is one of those people who require attention. I never minded though, nobody is perfect right? But now that I have my first real boyfriend, she doesn't know how to behave. Every time we are together she is really 'handsy'.

Always touching his arms, running fingers through his hair, complimenting him. And now she even started with the 'prank spankings' on the b**t you know? I just feel really uncomfortable with it. Maybe it's normal, I mean, Jessie has a lot of guys friends, so maybe this is ok? My BF never thought much of it either.

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Am I just overreacting? She is super pretty so maybe I'm just jealous? Anyway, yesterday something really threw me off. BF had to do some work and I had a book thing (hobby), so we decided to meet later at a friends's house, they were getting together to drink and so on.

BF finishes work early and calls me, but I don't really need him to come over to the book thing (I know he doesn't like it) so I just tell him to go to Friend's house. Then I start getting texts from Jessie all like 'girl, you gotta come to this party now, your BF is WASTED! LOL', 'lol, we so drunk, you need to come and stop us', 'I can't behave myself if you dont get here soon'.

And so on. The book thing took longer than I thought and I was just getting mad and madder. But I am a very non-confrontational person, so I deal with it. I call BF when it's over cause I don't feel like going to this party anymore but I was his ride, so I ask him if needs me to come pick him up. He says, sure.

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I get there and don't even go inside. I am ready to release the Hounds of Hell on him. But he gets in my car and he is stone cold sober. I ask him if he was drinking and then show him Jessie's texts. He gets super upset and says she was lying, he wasn't even hanging directly with her, but catching up with a friend who just came back to town.

He says I should have texted him letting him know what she was saying so he could confront her about it 'since you don't ever seem to be able to give that girl some boundaries' his words. Now I am thinking maybe I should talk to Jessie? But maybe she was just drunk and annoying me cause she wanted me there?

I don't know I mean, this girl was really nice to me growing up when she could have been a b**ch. I don't like how she behaves around him but at the same time I don't want it to look like I don't trust her. Is there a polite way of going about it? Or I should maybe wait and see if this happens again? Am I overreacting?. ​

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Friendships can be a lifeline, but this story shows how they can strain when boundaries blur. The OP feels uneasy about Jessie’s touchy behavior with her boyfriend, from hair-ruffling to prank spankings, escalated by texts falsely suggesting he was drunk and flirty. Her boyfriend’s frustration at the lack of boundaries highlights a shared discomfort, yet the OP hesitates, torn by their shared history and Jessie’s past kindness.

This reflects broader issues of respect in friendships. A 2021 study in Journal of Social Psychology found 62% of people report boundary violations as a top friendship stressor. Jessie’s actions, possibly driven by a need for attention or jealousy, disrespect the OP’s relationship. Her texts, though perhaps playful, crossed into manipulation, risking trust.

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Dr. Irene S. Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Healthy friendships require mutual respect for each other’s relationships” (The Friendship Blog). Jessie’s behavior suggests a need for validation, clashing with the OP’s comfort. Levine advises addressing boundary issues directly but kindly to preserve the bond. The OP could express her unease calmly, focusing on specific actions like the touching.

To move forward, the OP and her boyfriend should align on boundaries, with him reinforcing them if Jessie oversteps again. A conversation with Jessie, as Levine suggests, could clarify expectations without accusing. If Jessie respects the friendship, she’ll adjust; if not, the OP may need to reassess.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit gang rolled in like a squad at a showdown, tossing out advice with a side of sass and support. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s got a hot take and no filter. Here’s the raw scoop:

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thowinitaway2424 − 'since you dont seem to be able to give that girl some boundaries', sounds like maybe he does mind what she does. Time to clear the air. Tell bf to let her know the spanking and hair touch need to stop. You two need to be on the same page. Then go to Jessy.

'Jessy, you are my best friend and we have a lot of good history together. We are both growing and changing and our ideas and beliefs are changing too. I'm starting to realize that I no longer want my best friend to spank my boyfriend or run her hands through his hair or up and down his arms.

It's just not me anymore. I know you respect me too much to continue doing something that I no longer am ok with so I wanted to make sure an tell you right away.' Then wait and see if she continues the behavior. If she tried to flip it to 'jealous' flip it back to 'no, Jessy, this is about respect and about my personal beliefs of what is 'ok' in a relationship.'

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sallygoo − The way you talk about Jessie sounds like you feel like you owe her something because she wasn’t mean to you when she could have been. You don’t owe her anything, tell her how you feel.

[Reddit User] − You should definitely talk to her. Maybe she did just want you at the party, but lying about your boyfriend is a weird way to do it, *especially* implying that she wanted to be with your boyfriend. That's very inappropriate, along with her wandering hands.

suzie2766 − Sounds to me like she’s so used to being the centre of attention that she doesn’t like all his attention being on you and is flirting with him to prove to herself that she’s desirable. You should definitely address it with her, and so should he, maybe by half-jokingly asking her to cut it out next time she gets handsy,

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but then escalating to a proper conversation if that doesn’t work. She may be unaware or in denial, so be nice, but be firm when telling her how it makes you both feel/how it looks to others when she behaves this way.

xvszero − You need to first sit down with the BF and figure out how he really feels about it. His comment about you not giving her boundaries suggests he has more issues with it than you maybe realized.. Once you get on the same page yes, you definitely need to talk to your 'best friend' about it.

[Reddit User] − I have (yes, still have) a best friend that would mildly do stuff similar. Instead, I was the friend that people would talk to cause I looked like a tomboy skater and she was very much goth. Boys flirted with me etc and she got attention from older men when we started high school.

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After she lost weight and I still kept my boyish figure, she just started to be a very. Alpha like female (which people actually pointed out to me) and once I got into a serious relationship stuff just happened. Wed be hanging out and shed say something like 'I saw your boyfriends junk through his pants lol gross.'

To me going on vacation and getting drunk and high with him (when she knew I wanted him to stop) saying it's not her business what he does. But, when I put it in her relationship with her bf, it was a fight. It got worse and worse. Shed start flirting, try to be center of attention, and after we broke up for abuse reasons... shed still take him places and get drinks.

Obviously, I'm not comfortable, I dont like her being this way, and I hate her playing the dumb card of ' idk what I'm doing'. So, I conforted her. Nice at first and escalated to being really rude when she didnt think I was serious. I dropped her as a friend and three months later she was apologizing and crying.

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Dated another guy, she got handsy, told her to her face I didkt like it. She immediately stopped and apologized. Be honest. Be mean if you have to. If she wants to be your friend, shell change her act. My best friend and I are stronger now and still of course have problems. But, if I'm not into how shes treating someone, shell change it cause she knows I could leave her as friend at any time.

sweetpudgycake8008 − It's his job to tell her its inappropriate. It should make him uncomfortable.

NothappyJane − You need to react straight away when she does it. She's got her hands on him, move over there, take her hands off him and say get your hands off my boyfriend you i**ot. If she's saying something you don't like, say don't flirt wirh my boyfriend and he also needs to say dont touch me, I don't like it.

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If she can't listen to you and won't respect you she's not your friend. Some girls are like that, they need to know they can get someone else's boyfriend because they need the validation

kinkyshuri − A true friend will never act like Jessie. I'd say talk to her about it (about being too physical towards him and being all over him all the time) since you ARE his girlfriend and you have the right to talk about that with her.

It sounds to me like Jessie *is* quite jealous of you and knows deep down that what she's doing is hurting you so she's definitely trying to push your buttons. I had a so-called best friend like that before. When things were good in my life, she'd never be happy for me and try to bring me down.

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It always has to be her on top of everything. Jessie is seeing how you're in a good relationship (which is something that maybe she doesn't have?) and maybe she's not used to seeing you in a better situation than she is. Either that or she's just totally oblivious.

8530683641 − Talk to her as it is clear she is inappropriate to your boyfriend and she is not respecting your friendship so you should be clear to her before it gets too late and it ended up affecting your relationship with your boyfriend.

If she is your real friend then she will say sorry and will assure that she will take care next time and will not repeat the same mistake again. This is not acceptable and it is time for you to put your foot down.

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Redditors urged the OP to confront Jessie, praising her boyfriend’s call for boundaries while warning against letting history excuse disrespect. Some saw jealousy in Jessie’s antics, others a power play. But do these spicy takes nail the vibe, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this friendship drama has everyone buzzing.

This tale of tangled friendships and flirty oversteps reminds us that loyalty shouldn’t mean ignoring red flags. The OP’s unease, fueled by Jessie’s handsy moves and shady texts, signals a need for clear boundaries, backed by her boyfriend’s frustration. True friends respect your relationship, not test it. Readers, what’s your verdict? Have you faced a friend who flirted too far? How would you handle Jessie’s attention-grabbing antics? Drop your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: So my (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend

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