My(28F) boyfriend(32M) ignored me in front of his friends and is telling me I need a less embarrassing job (I’m a nurse). Any advice?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The hum of a lively party turned sour when a nurse, radiant in her new dress, felt invisible beside her boyfriend. His cold shoulder stung, but his words the next day cut deeper, dismissing her nursing career as “embarrassing” and urging her to aim higher to match his elite friends. What began as a night of celebration unraveled into a reckoning of respect and self-worth.

Her journey from heartbreak to empowerment, sparked by his betrayal, grips readers with its raw honesty. Was she right to walk away from a love that dimmed her shine? This Reddit tale dives into the clash of pride and prejudice, served with a dash of humor and a nod to standing tall. Let’s unpack the drama and cheer for her bold exit.

‘My(28F) boyfriend(32M) ignored me in front of his friends and is telling me I need a less embarrassing job (I’m a nurse). Any advice?’

Just a little background: I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (32M) for a little over two years. When we first started dating he was so sweet and charming, always took me to nice restaurants and said the nicest things to me, and we moved in together after a year.

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He does sweet things all the time, like sometimes packs my lunches for work or drives me to work (I'm a nurse at a hospital in the next town over), writes sweet little notes and puts them in my coat pocket, and he even has taken me shopping for nice clothes. 

There have been lots of times that he has said things that have hurt me a little bit, but we’ve always been really good at communicating and moving through it, at least I felt that way until one day last month. He had some friends in town visiting, and we had them over, went out to dinner with them, and went to a party with some of their mutual friends that I didn’t know, but I have always liked parties and meeting his friends so I was excited.

I bought a new dress for the night that I really liked, and was feeling really good about myself when the night started, but as it went on, I started feeling worse and worse. My bf ignored me the whole night. He didn’t talk to me or look at me while we were out with everyone, and walked away to talk to other people at the party really quickly when we got there.

When I went over to where he was, he still wouldn’t really look at me, and walked away from me as soon as someone started talking to me and I was distracted. A couple times I put my hand on his shoulder or his arm, and he did not acknowledge me once. By the end of the night I was mortified and embarrassed.

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I tried to talk and be friendly with his friends and the other people that were there, but it was hurting my feelings quite a bit. We ended up going home after all of his closer friends left and he FINALLY talked to me, but just to ask if I could call us an Uber. I did, we went home, and he fell asleep so quickly while I sat in the living room trying to convince myself that it was all in my head. 

The next day was worse though. I brought up that I felt like he had been ignoring me the whole night, and he agreed with me and admitted me that he ignored me because he had been embarrassed by me when I told his friends where I went to college (a small liberal arts college in Nebraska) and that I was a nurse (he actually said 'just a nurse').

It hadn’t even been something that I would consider being embarrassed about, but he thought it was embarrassing because almost all of the other people at the party had gone to either Harvard, Stanford, or Brown, and were in business or tech.

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I think I was the only person out of the 30-40 there who hadn’t gone to one of those three schools (my boyfriend also went to Harvard). I told him that that really hurt my feelings, not only because I had felt like he had been ignoring me and that I was right, but because I thought it was ridiculous to be embarrassed about my job.

I’m really proud of my job, and I love it because I feel like I’m making a difference. He then told me that he feels like my job is a dead end job and that jobs that you can’t really progress in are kind of a waste???. He then, for some reason, continued talking. He said that I could go back to school and be like the girls that were at the party.

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He said they had really impressive jobs and that I could too if I switched careers. I think this is absolutely ridiculous (and when I told my friends about it, they agreed). I always knew that I wanted to be a nurse, and I spent years going to school for it. I was proud of myself when I graduated, and after I started working at the hospital I work at now I found it really fulfilling, even if it is stressful sometimes.

I told him I was really happy with my job and he said he didn’t believe me because I complain about it all the time, and he referenced when someone threw up on me once and I told him about it when I got home. At the time I didn't even really feel like I was complaining, but when I think back I probably was, so I admitted he had a point about the complaining, but that I still do love my job.

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I then said I didn’t feel like the other people there would look down on nursing as a bad job, and that some even said that it was a great job that must really make a difference in people’s lives. He said they were just being nice and they probably don’t really think that, which kind of further hurts my feelings because he knows the people there way better than I do, so he’s probably right when he says that.

He continued, and told me that he had hooked up with a couple of the girls that were there before we started dating, and that was why he had been ignoring me when he talked to them. This also hurt my feelings. One of them went to Harvard and the other went to Brown.

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They are both in business, and they were also both really nice to me, and talked to me more than my boyfriend did. Actually, at some point in the night when my bf was ignoring me and talking to someone else with his back turned, I went looking for one of those girls and was able to join the conversation she was having.

One of them even complimented my dress that night, but my boyfriend said she was also probably just trying to be nice (implying that she didn't mean it). After a couple days he sort of came to his senses, realized that I was actually not okay with what he said,

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and wrote me some really long apology texts, but when we talk about it, it still is clear that he feels embarrassed by my job, and that he is still very attracted to those two girls he hooked up with before (he used the words “very attracted to”). He has never really even talked about me that way (i.e. he doesn't tell me I'm beautiful, pretty, that he likes my outfit, etc.

Sometimes he will actually criticize my outfits or the way I look or how my hair is done), which didn't bother me too much before, but after this conversation, it really does. The same friends who threw that party invited us over to a halloween party next weekend, and I'm not feeling great about it now.

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My bf now says that he won't treat me the same way as he did last time, and that the only reason he did was because he drunk and made a mistake, but I find that difficult to accept since he acted that way the whole night, which was many hours long, and then gave reason after reason for why he felt like the way he acted made sense to him.

I’m wondering what I should do, because I do love him, we talk about getting married all the time, we both want kids, and we already live together. I’m really close to his family too, I just went and got coffee with his mom the other week.

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Another part of me is worried because this whole situation is kind of changing the way I see all of the past things he said that have hurt me that I have forgiven him for. They were always about my job, the way I looked, or dressed, or talked, or about what college I went to.

Every time he says something wrong, he apologizes, but then explains why he said it, and looking back it almost feels like he's minimizing the issue and refusing to take accountability. I’m also usually not insecure, I’m really proud of the college and nursing school I went to, I met some of my best friends there, and I feel like I dress well and am attractive.

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But now I’m feeling bad about all of it and I think it’s because I’m actually realizing what my boyfriend thinks of me, and it kind of kills me to think he thinks so little of me. I told him this and he says that’s not true and he thinks so highly of me, but I’m just not sure how to move past this feeling.

He is my best friend, and I can't understand how he can say all of this and not see how it's hurting me. He keeps saying he doesn't understand why I'm reacting like this, while I honestly think I'm being very calm about it all. I don't know if I am blowing this out of proportion.

I’m honestly feeling pretty bad about myself, and am still embarrassed by how he treated me in front of his friends (and exes). I think what I really want is a way to make him see that what he is saying and doing is hurting me, and that how impressive I am to his friends shouldn’t be a factor in how he treats me.

When we aren’t in front of people, he is usually pretty amazing and kind, with the occasional slip up (that we have always worked through) but this belittling behavior is becoming more frequent and I don’t know how to make him stop, or how to deal with how it makes me feel when he does it.

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I would usually talk to my best friends about this, but they are telling me to leave him and move out. I see some of their points, but I really do love him and want to make it work. Also not sure about attending the halloween party next weekend. I'm seriously considering backing out and having him go alone. .

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation before? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  tl;dr my bf ignored me in front of his harvard friends (and some exes) because I'm a nurse and he says it's an embarrassing, dead end job. Then he doubled down and said that I should get a new one.

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I obviously won't do that, but I want to make it work and I want him to stop hurting my feelings and belittling me. Feeling like backing out of a halloween party with the same people next week.  ***UPDATE***: I did leave him.

One of the things that unfortunately ended up being a big factor in me feeling the need to stay was that we had 9 months left on our lease (which I should have mentioned in my original post) and I was worried about the financial repercussions. But there were also the ideas I had of our life and future together that I made when he hadn’t been treating me this way that I was hanging onto.

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The little comments started after more than a year together, everything about him was perfect before, and I never thought they were that bad until this. I’m still confused as to whether he was always like this or if something changed since we met, but I guess it doesn’t matter because it’s where he ended up.

The day after I posted, I told him I was going to stay with a friend and I did, but I also went and looked at apartments far from him and close to my friends, and signed another lease, and I came back to tell him we were not compatible anymore and that I was moving out.

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He begged me to reconsider and told me he regretted everything he said and would do everything he could to make up for it, and told me I was making a huge mistake and that no one would be as good for me as he was. He also couldn’t understand how I could leave and give up on us after one bad night, but I brought up the small comments he made before.

We both cried a lot. I miss the man I thought he was. When we first met he seemed like he loved everything about me, including my job. He was so incredibly sweet to me at the beginning, and very often at the end, but I did look back after this one big thing and see how all of the little things before were awful too.

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I’m honestly grateful that we went to that party and he treated me like that, because when it was just the little things, I wasn’t really getting it. I do think it stems from some deep insecurities he has, and I feel really bad for him about that, but it should have never affected how he was treating me.

I was in and out of our apartment while he was there, packing up my things, and he didn’t ask me anything about paying for the rent for the rest of the lease, and I didn’t offer. I don’t know if he will, but if he does my parents said they can help me pay the second rent.

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I feel sad that I lost that first guy I was with and the one I moved in with. But I think I’ll start to be so much happier and more hopeful now that I don’t have someone saying such rude and ridiculous things to me. I hope he finds whoever or whatever he needs, I’m sure one day I'll be happy it wasn’t me.

A partner’s support can lift you up, but this story shows how disdain can tear you down. The OP, a nurse proud of her impactful career, was ignored by her boyfriend at a party, only to learn he was ashamed of her job and college background. His push for her to “upgrade” her career, paired with dismissive apologies, led her to leave him, reclaiming her dignity despite a shared lease.

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This reflects broader issues of respect in relationships. A 2023 Pew Research study notes 68% of couples cite lack of respect as a key breakup factor. The boyfriend’s elitism, rooted in his Harvard circle, clashed with the OP’s grounded pride. His belittling, from her job to her appearance, chipped away at her confidence, a tactic often tied to insecurity.

Dr. Susan Forward, a therapist and author, writes, “When someone belittles your worth, it’s a reflection of their issues, not your value” (Toxic Parents). The boyfriend’s fixation on status, possibly fueled by past connections with “impressive” exes, drove his behavior. Forward suggests recognizing such patterns as red flags. The OP’s exit aligns with this, prioritizing her self-esteem over a toxic dynamic.

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Moving forward, the OP can rebuild confidence through supportive networks, like her friends and colleagues, and therapy to process the emotional toll, as recommended by Psychology Today. Her story inspires others to value their worth.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew swooped in like a squad of truth-tellers, dishing out fiery support and sharp-witted jabs. It’s like a virtual roast where everyone’s aiming at the boyfriend’s ego. Here’s the raw chatter from the crowd:

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HoshiJones − I got about halfway through that saga before I stopped reading in disgust. Yes, I have some advice: straighten your spine and kick this twat to the curb. You should have dumped him as soon as he said he was embarrassed by you.. You can stay with him, or you can keep your self-respect. I don't see how you can do both.

orangecrushisbest − If you stay with him, and go to that party, your costume should be 🤡

RickRussellTX − The sequence here seems really obvious to me, but it doesn't seem very obvious to you, OP, so let me speculate a bit: * He pointedly avoids talking about it until the next morning, at which point he informs you that your job is an embarassment to him, and somehow this is meant to explain why he ignored you.. * Then,

He continued, and told me that **he had hooked up with a couple of the girls that were there before we started dating, and that was why he had been ignoring me when he talked to them**. OP, he wasn't ignoring you because he didn't respect your job.

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He was ignoring you because *he didn't want the women at the party to realize you were his steady girlfriend*. OP, in my opinion, his whole story about how nobody respects your job is hogwash. 'Nurse' is one of the most respected professions. Nobody cares what college you went to.

All of us, Harvard and Brown graduates alike, are going to end up in the care of professional nurses. Literally everyone speaks highly of nurses. Again, in my opinion, your BF did a con job on you. That whole spiel about your job was him setting you up for the actual relevation, that he was trying to look good for the other girls at the party.

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But by the time he got to that part, you were so confused by his persistent insults and crushed by self-doubt you cruised right over his admission.. He wants to date someone in his social circle, and that's not you, OP.

Lucindajjane − Your friends are right - leave him. He’s projecting his insecurities onto you and you’re accepting them. Value yourself and in time, when you’re a bit older and with someone who makes you feel whole and nothing less, you’ll look back on how this man treated you a lot differently than you do right now.. PS - nurses are awesome

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[Reddit User] − He sounds incredibly pretentious and demeaning. You should be very proud of your career as a nurse. I have a feeling this behavior will only get worse as time goes on… and I think you know in your heart that you deserve more than what he is giving you.

Convergence- − He is purposefully bringing you down instead of lifting you up - the opposite of what a life partner (and 'best friend') should be doing. He will keep chipping away at your self esteem, because apparently he enjoys some aspect of that; quite an insidious way to destroy someone's confidence.

Once-and-Future − Y'all don't have a boyfriend, you have a rattling husk of bourgeoise prejudices and meaningless ambitions.

draynaccarato − He’s a condescending ass and doesn’t respect you or the relationship. It’s time to move on and let him date one of the fancy, *educated* women.

dca_user − D**P HIM.. I’m from Boston, know plenty of people who went to Harvard. And I personally went to Stanford or Brown.. Most of my friends from the Ivy League’s or the schools like the Ivie’s **DO NOT** act like him. I have one male friend who did Brown undergrad and got his PhD from Stanford.

He had such a chip on his shoulder and was so insecure. And there’s nothing I could say to him to make him feel better. And it went on for years. YEARS. He’s insecure about himself and instead of dealing with that he’s taking it out on you. He probably needs years of therapy before he can be in a healthy relationship. You can’t fix him.. D**p him.

Trishshirt5678 − He’s not your best friend. He may have ground you into thinking that he’s your only friend but that’s not the same thing. Friends support you and build you up, this n**ty man grinds you down every chance he gets. Why do you want to marry him?

He belittles your accomplishments (qualifying as a nurse is something to be proud of if you’re not a d**k like him) belittles your appearance, your clothes (his friend will have genuinely liked your dress, it’s just him not wanting to miss the opportunity to put you down) he’s even choosing a new career for you that you don’t want because this n**ty man has decided that you’re an embarrassment.

Don’t go to this party with him. Go out with some of your nursing colleagues or your friends instead. Enjoy yourself without looking over your shoulder to see if he’s sneering. Start pulling away. Also, why aren’t you sharing this with your friends? Is it because they see him clearly? Unlike him, they do want the best for you.

Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming her ex’s condescension and cheering her breakup. Many called out his insecurity-driven insults, urging her to stay proud. But do these spicy takes capture the full story, or are they just fueling the fire? One thing’s clear: this nurse’s bold move has everyone talking.

This saga of a nurse reclaiming her worth reminds us that love should never dim your light. The OP’s courage to leave a belittling partner, despite shared dreams and a lease, shines as a beacon of self-respect. Her ex’s apologies couldn’t mask his disdain, but her exit opened a path to healing. Readers, what’s your take? Have you ever walked away from a love that hurt your pride? What would you do to rebuild after such a betrayal? Share below!

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