AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his best man coming to our wedding after what he did at my birthday dinner?

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The clatter of plates at a cozy birthday dinner turned icy when a so-called friend lobbed a verbal grenade. A woman, glowing with wedding plans, found herself blindsided by her fiancé’s best man, Kyle, whose “joke” about her painful past echoed through the restaurant. Her laughter masked the sting, but the wound lingered, exposing a rift in loyalty and respect.

Now, she’s drawing a line in the sand, demanding Kyle’s absence from their big day, while her fiancé clings to his high-school buddy. Readers are left pondering: is she overreacting, or is this a stand for dignity? This Reddit saga dives into the clash of boundaries and bromance, served with a side of humor and a sprinkle of drama. Let’s unpack the chaos and see who’s really stealing the show.

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‘AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his best man coming to our wedding after what he did at my birthday dinner?’

So I'm (29F) and my fiance (31M) and we have been together for 4 years. We are planning our wedding for later this year which has been going great except for one person. His best friend kyle. kyle is one of those dudes who peaked in high school and is so insufferable.

He is always making unnecessary jokes that seem like insults tbh. But my fiance says he’s just goofy and immature and so I’ve tried to keep my peace. Anyway my birthday was two weeks ago. Nothing big happened just a dinner at a nice restaurant with close friends and family.

Near the end of it someone mentioned the wedding and how everything was going and my fiance answered and said we were writing our own vows. I said I was nervous but excited. Then kyle said loudly. I think everyone present in the restaurant heard it that's how loud he was “Just don’t cry halfway through your vows like you did during your breakup remember that?'.

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The table went dead silent. In the moment I laughed it off cause i didn't want to create a scene there. But I was humiliated. My dad was present there and my fiance was aware of that breakup it was abusive and traumatic. I later told him how hurt I was and he said kyle was just being kyle and you know how he is babe.

So I sat on it for a few days even though i was hurt. But then finally I told him I don’t want kyle at the wedding. Not at the rehearsal. Not giving a speech Nothing. Nowhere I just don't want him there. Now my fiance is saying I’m overreacting.

That kyle was just trying to be funny and kicking him off the list would destroy our 15years of friendship. But honestly If kyle can not respect me then why should I allow him to stand next to the man I’m marrying.. So AITA for refusing to have kyle at the wedding after all this?

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Weddings are about unity, but this story shows how one guest can spark division. The OP faced humiliation when Kyle’s “joke” referenced her abusive breakup, a low blow her fiancé dismissed as “just Kyle.” She wants him gone from the wedding; her fiancé prioritizes their 15-year friendship. Her hurt stems from betrayal, while he sees her boundary as an overreaction, revealing a disconnect in values.

This reflects broader issues of respect in relationships. A 2023 Psychology Today article notes that 70% of couples cite disrespect as a top conflict source. Kyle’s behavior, enabled by the fiancé, undermines the OP’s dignity. Her stance is a bid to reclaim it, though banning Kyle risks escalating tension.

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Dr. Harriet Lerner, a relationship expert, writes, “Respect means valuing your partner’s feelings, even when you don’t fully understand them”(The Dance of Connection). The fiancé’s defense of Kyle ignores the OP’s trauma. Lerner suggests addressing slights directly to rebuild trust. The OP could calmly explain her need for safety, while the fiancé must hold Kyle accountable, perhaps demanding an apology.

Moving forward, they should negotiate boundaries together. The fiancé could mediate with Kyle to ensure respectful behavior, or the couple might limit his role, skipping the speech. Couples therapy, as suggested by The Gottman Institute, could help align their priorities.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit squad rolled in like a thunderstorm, dishing out fiery takes with a mix of sass and wisdom. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s got an opinion and zero chill. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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Perfect-Quarter8237 − Best believe Kyle WILL ruin your wedding. He's a good old fashioned attention ho who gets off of being obnoxious

angeleeternelle − NTA. I hate when people like this get away with their terrible behaviour because their closest people say 'oh, that's just how they are!' as if you have to tolerate the disrespect because they don't know any better. He can't respect you at dinner in a restaurant, he won't respect you at your wedding. I'd be afraid he does something HE thinks is funny which would ruin it.

notsoreligiousnow − You do realize Kyle isn’t the only problematic person here right? Your fiance enables his s**t and never calls him out on it so of course Kyle keeps going and going. Immature or not, he’s an AH. You sure you really want to marry a man that won’t prioritize you over his already peaked immature bestie?

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Key_Two77 − I feel information is missing. Why does Kyle have such knowledge of a breakup with a previous partner? Was your now fiancé present at the breakup? Was Kyle? Does Kyle know because your fiancé told him? The answer to this might shine a different light on your fiancé.

Regardless, it's your fiancé's place to have a grown up talk with Kyle. You can't dictate who his best man is. He, the fiancé needs to make it clear that he needs to treat you, his future spouse, with respect. If he is talking to Kyle about your reaction to things in the past, that sounds like a fiancé problem.

knits2much2003 − NTA but what are you going to do if your fiance draws a line in the sand? You have to be willing to cancel the whole wedding otherwise your fiance will have no respect for your boundaries going forward.

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Adorable-Flight-496 − Sounds like fiancé should talk to Kyle about an apology. . Kyle might not realize he is the AH as no one has really called him out yet.  Kyle may need many more steps to realize what he is doing but someone has to take the first step

Such_Guide2828 − It sounds like you’re under-reacting and reacting towards the wrong person. Your fiancé is okay with this behavior. He’s okay with someone belittling you this way in public. What he is not okay with is you saying that you don’t want to be treated this way for one day. Seriously, think about that.

And: while you’re at it, think about what Kyle said that triggered this reaction. He pointed back towards you crying during your break-up. You don’t say who this break-up was with other than it was abusive and traumatic. If it was with your fiancé, you should seriously rethink marrying him.

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If it was with someone else, how does Kyle even know about it? Who relayed this details, the emphasis on the crying—it’s all important because it sounds like someone is giving him material to use to make fun of you. If your fiancé is telling Kyle things knowing that Kyle will “joke” about it later and upset you, then your fiancé is more toxic than Kyle. He’s just letting Kyle do his dirty work.

Spiritual-Ad6254 − Excusing boys will be boys behavior is a root of many problems. People say the same thing about certain political figures. Thats just how he is. B**lshit. I'm sorry this is happening but you're heading off a bunch of problems by putting your foot down.

Consistent_Ad5709 − Nta, however I don't believe you're going to win this one. Maybe y'all can exclude the speeches because I agree with you, he probably is going to say some stuff to embarrass you but think he's funny.

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Honestly, your husband to be should have checked him that day also. Your husband to be didn't necessarily have to do it in front of everybody but I hope privately he got on his ass about it. If he can't even correct his friends about small stuff like that then you have a bigger problem.

Available_Bag_6759 − Why is your fiancé downplaying this? Why is he trying to make you sound like you are the sensitive one, while Kyle is “just” joking? Why is he making excuses for his friend while making you the bad guy? Birds of the same feather flock together. Your fiancé’s reaction to this tells you all you need to know about him… do you not see it?. Good luck

Redditors mostly backed the OP, slamming Kyle’s disrespect and her fiancé’s enabling. Some flagged red flags in the relationship, while others urged a middle ground, like an apology. But do these hot takes nail the vibe, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s certain: this wedding drama has everyone buzzing.

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This birthday-turned-battlefield tale shows how fast a “joke” can crack a couple’s foundation. The OP’s stand against Kyle is a cry for respect, but her fiancé’s loyalty to his friend raises tough questions. Relationships thrive on mutual support, not excuses. Readers, what’s your verdict? Have you ever had to draw a line with a partner’s pal? What would you do in this bride-to-be’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want his best man coming to our wedding after what he did at my birthday dinner?

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