I am 25 and getting married. Dealing with issue around picking my “Maid of Honor” for my wedding. Friends [women in their 20s] think my brother [35/M] is a bad choice.

Picture a sunlit living room, where a 25-year-old bride-to-be sketches out her dream wedding, her heart set on honoring the one person who helped her survive a turbulent childhood—her adoptive brother. Surrounded by fabric swatches and guest lists, she envisions him as her “Man of Honor,” a tribute to their unbreakable bond. Yet, her bridesmaids’ gasps of “creepy” threaten to dim her joy, casting a shadow over her choice. This heartfelt dilemma, shared on Reddit, pulls us into a story of loyalty, love, and clashing expectations.

As wedding bells loom, her decision stirs tension among her friends, who feel sidelined by her unconventional pick. With her fiancé cheering her on, she wonders if her heart’s choice defies tradition too boldly. Let’s unravel her journey, dive into expert insights, and hear the Reddit community’s spirited takes on this wedding party tug-of-war.

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‘I am 25 and getting married. Dealing with issue around picking my “Maid of Honor” for my wedding. Friends [women in their 20s] think my brother [35/M] is a bad choice.’

I am planning my wedding to my awesome fiancé and am so excited. We’ve been planning the event and will be married later in the year. He has his Best Man (his brother) and groomsmen mostly picked out. I thought I did, too. We each have 6 people and I have 5 female bridesmaids and a “man of honor” which I want to be my brother.

My bridesmaids think this isn’t a great idea and a few are hurt I’m not choosing them instead. Here’s why I want to choose my brother. My biological mother lost custody of me when I was 4 and I was put in an emergency foster situation with a family. I lived with them for 6 months but was then put back into my mother’s case.

From 4 1/2ish to 6 I lived with my mother and it was bad. She was too sick, too addicted and too weak to handle a child and by 6 I was being adopted out. By some miracle, the family who took me in at 4 got ahold in the system and I went to live with them and was later adopted. The family had boys – the youngest was 16 when I got there.

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I was terrified of him when I got there, which they told me about recently (I have no recollection of that). I do remember him spending the summer with me, teaching me to swim, teaching me how to play games, teaching me how different appliances worked. He skipped a summer job to help our mom with my adjustment.

I had eating problems, I had dental problems, I had a snoot full of health problems – including parasites. He came to doctor appointments, he also helped get me ready for school (I hadn’t started kindergarten yet and would actually never go). He and my mom would do learning activities with me and by September I was okay to enter first grade.

I used to lay on my stomach and play geography games with him and he’d reward me with Riesens. We were very close, he didn’t go away to college as is tradition and instead stayed home to go to a good university locally. He’d pick me up from schools some days and from 6 to 12 I had an older brother to rely on.

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He eventually moved out and went to medical school (he’s such a great person for that field). Very literally my brother helped save my life. I was suicidal as a young kid, and through a lot of changes and help, was able to climb out. He was a calm stable influence in my life. I credit him, my mother and father with saving my life.

I would never have gone to college, I probably wouldn’t have graduated high school or even lived as I was so sick. I had 4 endoscopies, 4 colonoscopies and 3 surgeries before I was 8. My family doesn’t look like me (I’m most likely Mexican and something else, most probably African-American) and doesn’t come from where I do, but they never treated me any differently than their other kids.

Since the others were older and out of the home I was never as close to them as I was my parents and brother. My thinking is, a Maid of Honor is someone really important and I cannot think of anyone else who comes close. I haven’t even asked him yet but I think he’d do it. I told my parents and they said they wouldn’t say anything to him but thought it was a great idea.

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My husband is also good with it and think it’s a sweet thing to do, but my female friends were horrified I suggested it and think it’s “creepy”. If I look back on that time, it’s the happiest a person could be. Is it weird and creepy? Does it contravene some weird relationship boundary between brothers and sisters? Is it highly inappropriate?

Choosing a wedding party is like casting the starring roles in your life’s biggest day. Here, the bride’s desire to name her brother as Man of Honor reflects a deep bond forged through hardship. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes, “Love is shown through acts of service and time spent together” (source: 5lovelanguages.com). Her brother’s sacrifices—skipping a summer job, attending doctor visits—embody this, making him a natural choice.

Her bridesmaids’ objections, however, highlight a competitive undercurrent. Wedding roles, especially Maid of Honor, often carry social weight, with 68% of brides reporting pressure to choose friends over family to avoid conflict (source: The Knot, 2023). The bride’s friends may feel their status is challenged, mistaking her choice for rejection. Their “creepy” label seems more about envy than genuine concern, as sibling roles in weddings are increasingly common.

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This tension mirrors broader societal norms around gender and tradition. While bridesmaids expect a female Maid of Honor, modern weddings embrace flexibility—think groomsmaids or best women. The bride’s loyalty to her brother challenges outdated expectations, prioritizing emotional significance over convention. Her friends’ pushback risks overshadowing her autonomy.

For resolution, clear communication is key. She could affirm her friends’ value while explaining her brother’s unique role, perhaps assigning them special tasks to feel included. Couples therapy expert Esther Perel suggests open dialogue to “honor individual choices while maintaining group harmony” (source: estherperel.com).

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s hot takes come with a dash of sass: “Your friends need to chill—this is your day, not theirs!” Below, the community rallies behind the bride’s choice with humor and heart.

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lemmehelpyaout − It's not creepy, it sounds really, really sweet and I think it would mean so much to your brother.. Tell your girlfriends to get over themselves. It's *your* wedding and you can do whatever you want.

[Reddit User] − You don't even need that list of very valid reasons to pick your brother. If YOU want him and your fiance is fine with it, do it. My husband had 4 best men (including his brother) because he couldn't chose, and one best woman. A few people made comments (mostly his mom) and we just respoded with 'it's not your wedding.

You wouldn't want us meddling with your wedding choices, so please don't meddle with ours'. As to your whiny bridesmaids, tell them that you picking your brother is the exact same as you picking your sister if you had one, and that you don't want to hear anymore about it.

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jortfeasor − A friend of mine recently got married. Her man of honor was her brother, and the groom's best maid (?) was his sister. I thought it was really cool that they picked the people who they're actually the closest with and who mean the most to them, regardless of their gender. Your friends are being immature and petty.

It's your wedding, and they should be accepting of your wishes, especially considering your history with your brother. Edit: My husband also had one of his long-time female friends in our wedding. My mom said 'Isn't that weird, because she's a girl?' I just told her we were going to have her wear a strap on under her dress—that shut her up, haha.

rollernonger − I think you need to listen to yourself and not what your friends want. Honestly it sounds like they are behaving like high schoolers begging for attention. That was a really moving story about your life and brother; thank you for sharing. I do not think it’s “creepy” at all, but very heartwarming. It’s your wedding day, and you should do what you feel is best and would make you happiest. They need to respect that.

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moosigirl − Your friends can do one. Ask you brother. He sound amazing and I'm so happy you have someone like that

jolie178923-15423435 − It's totally awesome to have your brother as your Man of Honor, it is not 'creepy' at all, wtf?

pluralforpineapple − Your friends sound selfish

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mollymoo24601 − As a woman who sells wedding dresses for a living, I will say this; Women wrongly see 'Maid of Honor' as a competition. We, for some reason, have it ingrained in us that it's like winning Prom Queen. It's saying 'Look at Me, the bride loves Me the most'. It's a very sweet thing when genuine, but there's usually a tinge of that competition there.. ​.

So basically... your friends are being dicks and are miffed that none of them get to win the title.. ​Pick your brother. Go with your heart. Because while women unfortunately view receiving the title as a competition, I know that the bride herself always means it to show love and trust.

And you love and trust your brother!!! Also, gotta say, the MOH position comes with some work, and your brother seems like he won't drop the ball on any of it and will come through for you. Sounds like a responsible and loving brother!! And for him, I truly anticipate that he'll feel so honored and validated if you pick him.

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sunflower1940 − It's your choice, and your 'friends' can go p**s up a rope. It's not their decision.

DocAphraAstrea − Well, f**k your so called friends . Let your brother be your maid of honor and bridemaids all in one

These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? One thing’s certain: this story has ignited a lively debate about love, loyalty, and wedding traditions.

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This bride’s story reminds us that weddings are about celebrating the bonds that shape us, not pleasing everyone. Her brother’s steadfast love deserves its spotlight, even if it ruffles feathers. As she walks down the aisle, she’s choosing heart over tradition—a bold move we can all cheer. Have you ever faced pushback for a personal choice? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the wedding vibes flowing!

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