I Think I (23f) Ruined My Fiancee’s (23m) Friend Group?

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In a cozy dorm room, where game controllers hum and Discord pings echo, a 23-year-old woman’s heart sinks. Scrolling through her fiancé’s chat logs, she uncovers his friends’ vicious jabs about her weight and health, cutting deep after her battle with COVID complications. Her fiancé, furious, severs ties with them, even planning to move rooms, but her guilt festers—did she uproot his world?

This isn’t just about a broken friend group; it’s a tale of love’s fierce loyalty clashing with self-blame. Readers will feel her turmoil, cheering for her to embrace her fiancé’s devotion while wondering how she’ll soothe her guilt and support him.

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‘i think i (23f) ruined my fiancee’s (23m) friend group?’

my fiancé (23m) is in a discord group with a bunch of his friends (22-23m) and he left the chat for some time because he needed a break from them but eventually came back. out of curiosity, he and I (23f) were looking at what they had been saying mentioning him during his vacation from the gc.

the messages we came across were saying horrible things about me. saying if they were ever dating someone who looked like me to shoot them, that I must be a psyop because i'd gained so much weight recently and how can he love me (ive been sick with complications from covid and haven't been able to be as active as i used to be).

i felt awful and couldn't stop crying. i had went out with a few of these guys with my fiancé and had been nothing but nice to them. my fiancé without a word immediately left the discord and removed them from all social media. he and a few of them dorm together as well, and he said he plans on moving rooms asap because he doesn't want me to stop coming around because of them.

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the issue is that i feel extremely guilty, is it my fault that he had to remove all of his friends? and how can i support him, he has nobody to game with and i know he's going to be lonely when i'm away. he says not to worry about it and that he would choose me over anyone but i didn't want this to become an ultimatum. i feel like ive uprooted his whole life.. TLDR; how can i support my fiancé after cutting off all of his friends and feeling guilty about it.

Discovering cruel messages from friends is a gut punch, and this woman’s guilt over her fiancé’s swift decision to cut them off is understandable but misplaced. His choice to leave the Discord group and distance himself reflects a clear priority: protecting her from toxicity. Her health struggles, worsened by COVID, make the friends’ remarks especially cruel, and his response shows loyalty, not obligation.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: toxic friendships often unravel when true character is revealed. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that supportive partners often realign social circles to shield loved ones from harm, strengthening relationships. Her fiancé’s actions align with this, choosing her well-being over shallow ties.

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Psychologist Dr. Irene Levine, an expert on friendships, notes, “True friends uplift, not degrade; cutting off toxicity is a sign of maturity.” His decision wasn’t forced by her—it was a natural response to betrayal. To support him, she could validate his choice, saying, “I’m grateful you stood up for me; let’s find new ways to connect with good people.” Encouraging shared hobbies, like joining online gaming communities or local meetups, can help him rebuild social ties without pressure.

She should also address her guilt through self-compassion, perhaps journaling or talking to a therapist to reframe the situation: the friends’ behavior, not hers, caused the rift. Open communication with her fiancé about his feelings will ensure he feels supported.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rallied with fierce support and sharp insights—here’s the community’s take, served with heart:

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[Reddit User] − His 'friends' were pieces of s**t.. It's not your fault they were pieces of s**t.. You can make new friends together.

[Reddit User] − So let me get this straight, you’re upset because your soon to be husband behaved like a good husband and stood between you and hurtful hateful people?

[Reddit User] − It sounds like he made these choices because he realized they weren’t good people. You aren’t to blame. He made the choice not you

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Poppiesatnight − Well it was not an ultimatum as you never told him what he had to do.. He has now seen the true colors of what he thought were friends.. And he is now showing you his own true colors. Green all the way. Thank goodness you picked a good one.

He’s a keeper. As for how can you support him? Just be an amazing girlfriend. He will find new friends given time. Don’t fret about losing assholes out of your life. This is never a bad thing. Sometimes they wear a mask for a while. But the mask is off now.

Crystal010Rose − You didn’t ruin anything. He saw that his “friends” are horrible humans and therefore he decided he doesn’t want to associate with them anymore. That’s not on you at all. And it’s great that he cut them out without a second thought. They were never his friends and he is probably glad to see this now. Don’t blame yourself!

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Throwaway01946482 − Please don’t feel guilty that your boyfriend is choosing you over a bunch of shallow assholes. He obviously knows where the value is sweetheart, so just let him. If he does end up resenting you for any reason, then he’s just as bad as them. He obviously loves you very much, so just appreciate what he is doing and make sure you have lots of communication about it.

carlorway − He removed his friends because they were not true friends and they made fun of the person he loves.. Be grateful that he truly loves you.

[Reddit User] − No it’s not your fault. It’s THEIR fault for behaving like utter cunts.. You have a wonderful fiancé there.

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l3ex_G − I wouldn’t want to be friends with people who talk like that about anyone. You didn’t do anything wrong he just found out his friends were s**tty humans.

onedayatatime08 − First off, this wasn't an ultimatum. You didn't ask him to do anything. He did this automatically because any normal person would. You are the person he wants to marry, they are just people he plays games with. And honestly, it seems that they aren't very good friends. He just found out a bad way. Don't feel bad. He can always make new friends. He prioritized you and your relationship and that's a *good* thing.

These bold takes light a fire, but do they ease her guilt? Reddit’s wisdom cheers her on, yet her journey needs a personal touch.

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This young woman’s guilt is heavy, but her fiancé’s loyalty shines brighter, proving love can conquer toxicity. Her story is a reminder that standing up for what’s right reshapes lives for the better. Readers, have you felt torn over a partner’s bold choice? How did you support them? Share your stories below—let’s lift her up!

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