I (27F) am considering ending my engagement with my fiance who I am in love with (28M). How do I even handle this?

Wedding planning should be a whirlwind of joy, but for a 27-year-old woman, it’s become a heart-wrenching crossroads. Engaged to her best friend, a man she describes as her perfect match, their love story hit a snag that’s hard to ignore: his gambling addiction. From lies about his savings to a towed car due to unpaid payments, his risky bets have shattered her trust, leaving her torn between love and self-preservation.

His promises of change, backed by a self-exclusion from gambling and a repayment plan, offer a glimmer of hope, yet the sting of betrayal lingers. This Reddit saga, raw with emotion, pulls you into the messy intersection of love, addiction, and financial deceit. It’s a gripping tale of a woman wrestling with her heart and the risks of a future tied to an uncertain recovery.

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‘I (27F) am considering ending my engagement with my fiance who I am in love with (28M). How do I even handle this?’

I am engaged to my very best friend and our relationship has been nothing short of fun, easy, and perfect other than his gambling. Prior to being engaged, he came clean that he had lied to me about his savings and didn’t have as much as he initially led me to believe. He said he gambled a lot of his money away since COVID so he only has about 2,000 saved (he makes 130K).

So he said he would quit and we had a large argument. Fast forward to 5 months later, I go outside to see his car being towed and run in the house like a mad woman. He said he hadn’t paid his car payment for 3 months….he lost money gambling (stopped for 2 months then has been back at it for 3).

He said he just wanted to hit something big to save for the wedding and pay off credit card debt and it of course backfired. He was in tears and I about lost it because he lied to me clearly the first time. I (probably stupidly) helped pay the company to get his car back so he owes me a lot of money.

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He came up with a spreadsheet showing his income and how he will be back at par with me paid back by July 1. He also took me with him and he filled out the self-exclusion paperwork at the gaming commission office. I have a copy of it and he excluded from everything (sports books, casinos, bingo, lottery).

So now he legally can’t gamble and has no access to anything, because it’s tied to his social. He seems serious about change here but I may be stupid to not just kick him out and try to rebuild because my trust is broken. And we’re supposed to be wedding planning.

A fiancé’s gambling addiction, coupled with lies about his finances, has turned a fairy-tale engagement into a trust-shattered ordeal. This 27-year-old woman’s discovery of her fiancé’s unpaid car payments—after he claimed to have quit gambling—reveals a pattern of deception. His self-exclusion and repayment plan signal effort, but the betrayal cuts deep in a partnership meant for honesty. His tears and promises alone can’t rebuild what’s broken without sustained action.

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Gambling addiction often devastates relationships, with hidden debts eroding trust. The fiancé’s high income offers no protection when bets drain savings and pile up debt, leaving the bride exposed to future risks if they marry. Compulsive gambling thrives on secrecy, and his relapse after a brief pause shows the addiction’s grip.

Dr. Timothy Fong, a gambling addiction expert, notes, “Recovery demands transparency, therapy, and sustained effort, not just promises.” The fiancé’s steps are a start, but without counseling and financial accountability, relapse looms. Postponing the wedding and keeping separate finances are prudent moves to test his commitment. Open dialogue about navigating addiction in relationships can inspire support and insight.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community issued strong warnings, unanimously advising the bride to postpone or cancel the wedding. They viewed the fiancé’s gambling and lies as dealbreakers, cautioning that his addiction could lead to crippling debt, endangering her financial future. While some acknowledged his self-exclusion as a step, they stressed that therapy and transparency are non-negotiable for recovery.

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Personal stories of gambling-related losses underscored the urgency of protecting herself, with suggestions like a prenup or walking away entirely. The Reddit crowd’s blend of empathy and blunt advice highlights the gravity of tying her future to a gambler’s promises. Their cautionary tales and calls for caution reflect the high stakes of love entangled with addiction.

WhatHappenedMonday − Postpone the wedding. The very last thing you want to do is combine your finances with a gambling addict. Girl, he can still bet on local games, with local bookies, with friends and online.

Tying yourself to someone capable of running up huge debts is dumb. I would postpone all wedding planning until he has at least paid you back and demonstrated some self-control.

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kyjmic − Don’t get married. This guy will suck you dry and you’ll never have money for things like a house or retirement.

TheReluctantWarrior − You probably shouldn't get married if he's so willing to casually lie about y'alls finances for months. Bad money handling is always a bad sign no matter the age or tax bracket

OblioWasRobbed − Nooooooooooooooo! Delay the wedding until he has been in therapy for a year with 100% financial transparency. After this degree of broken trust saying no is a deal breaker.

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shawnwright663 − This one addiction issue he has will destroy any chance you have of having a good or happy marriage.. Do not marry this. If you do, you will sink with him.

Readsumthing − Ah jeez!!! Been there, done that. God. The first red flag I ignored was on a weekend drive/trip to Vegas. He lost all his money. Took all *my* money when I went to bed, and lost that! Hocked his times watch and lost THAT. This was in the ‘80s. His dad wired us $100 to get home.

After getting gas, I grabbed $10 so we could eat. He took the rest and lost all of THAT. And yet I stayed. It took finding pawn tickets (hidden under the passenger seat in his car) He told me we’d been robbed. “They” stole his wallet!!! That had his share of the rent!!! He didn’t have s**t to steal, but I DID! Oh I had a clue, and you bet I snooped.

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That dude could LIE! He’d make believe the sky was down. Fucker. There was his “stollen” wallet, hidden in his car with proof of all my stolen s**t.. Girl, this is as bad as a heroin addict. (Been there too) RUN!. YOU CAN NOT LOVE, HOPE, THREATEN, ANYTHING ENOUGH TO FIX HIM!

blueavole − Getting married isn’t just your emotional connection- it creates legal consequences for you to his debt.. Do not get married to him now.. This is something he really has to want to change.

InspectionAvailable1 − I have been married to an addict for 12 years, he’s been sober for 3. Postpone the wedding. He needs to be in therapy and in a 12 step program.

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Adventurous-Sand6711 − I’m going to double down on counseling. Gambling can be an addiction.

[Reddit User] − I know someone who married this type, lovely couple but they lost everything. This would personally be a deal breaker for me especially the lying about the finances. If you really want to make it work I would have a prenup, separate finances and basically hold all of the financial keys to the relationship.

House in your name so it can't be leveraged, cars in your name so you know they get paid, utilities you would need to take care of and I would have a direct deposit set up to a 'joint account' that he would not have access to that would siphon off a percentage of his paycheck each pay period 30-40% that goes towards bills and expenses for you both.

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Then I would create credit alerts in his name and your name so you know if he takes out a personal loan and didn't tell you about it. Now this all does nothing if he gambles and loses with the wrong people who show up at your house.

Seems like an awful lot of work to just ensure YOUR personal and financial safety from someone who is supposed to be your life partner and who had no problem lying to your face already...

This story of a bride-to-be wrestling with her fiancé’s gambling and broken trust is a raw reminder that love, no matter how deep, faces tough tests. His lies and addiction threaten not just their wedding but her financial and emotional security.

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With Reddit rallying for her to prioritize herself, the path forward hinges on his actions, not just words. Share your thoughts below—how would you navigate love tangled with betrayal?

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