I (25F) want a divorce from 25M, do I have grounds or am I being a baby?

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The kitchen counter is littered with dishes, and the weight of four years feels heavier than the laundry pile for one 25-year-old mom. Married to a man who adores her but shirks every responsibility, she’s drowning in the chaos of parenting two kids, managing a home, and nudging her husband to shower or work. His ADHD and refusal to take meds or pitch in have turned their fixer-upper dream into a nightmare, leaving her stranded at her dad’s house, questioning her marriage.

This Reddit post isn’t just a cry for help—it’s a raw glimpse into the toll of carrying a partner who won’t step up. As she wrestles with love, duty, and the sting of being painted as the villain by others, her story sparks a firestorm of advice and empathy. Is she justified in wanting out, or is she giving up too soon? The internet has thoughts, and they’re not holding back.

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‘I (25F) want a divorce from 25M, do I have grounds or am I being a baby?’

I (25F) and my husband (25M) have been married for just short of 4 years. In that time we have had two children and learned that he has ADHD. He worships the ground I walk on, he would feed me grapes and serve my gold on a silver platter if I asked.

BUT he won't do a single chore around the house, can't maintain a train of thought long enough to clean up after himself, refuses to regularly take his meds, won't go to work (he works from home) despite me expressing concern on many occasions that he's going to lose his job.

I'm a SAHM so that thought is extra terrifying. We recently purchased a property that turned into a whole flip instead a few minor upgrades we thought we were going to have to do. He never goes to work on it so we're stuck staying at my dad's. His response is that he 'just loves me so much and wants to spend all his time with me'.

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I am constantly encouraging him to leave and go do his responsibilities because they need done but truthfully, I feel smothered. I have to remind him to put lotion and medicine on his skin (horrible eczema, probably psoriasis), I have to remind him to shower.

So all in all the only things I can guarantee that he will do is pay the bills (that are all on auto pay) and take out the trash (but not run it to the landfill). All of this has been wearing on me for four years, I actually quit my job 3 years ago because we were going to get a divorce if I didn't because he expected me to manage everything in the house and work full time as an ICU nurse because that's what his mom did.

So all of this obviously sucks and I feel like I'm living with an stubborn overgrown toddler who can't make a decision to save his life but argues with me when I try to make one, BUT on top of all of that he recently had the fourth person in his life (over the span of our relationship) come to him to ask if I was taking advantage of him and if I 'understood' that he needed to work... yall.

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I just about exploded. I feel like I'm going crazy because I know I'm dragging him through life and he's barely hitting the bare minimum, but apparently he's presenting me in a negative light to those around him. And when I ask how he presents me he says 'fairly'.

I feel like I'm going crazy and I have been begging for therapy, but after another person asked if I was taking advantage I feel like I'm just done. What am I even fighting for at this point? To drag a man child around just to be viewed as the bad guy from the outside? The only reason I'm still here is because of the kids but I don't know if that's better either. I don't know. Send help.

Marriage is a partnership, but for this woman, it feels like a solo act with an audience of critics. Her husband’s ADHD may explain his struggles with focus and chores, but his refusal to take medication or contribute—while smearing her reputation—points to deeper issues. She’s not just a wife; she’s a caregiver to a man who seems content letting her bear the load.

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ADHD can disrupt executive functioning, making tasks like cleaning or working from home challenging. A 2022 study from the Journal of Attention Disorders (source) found that 70% of adults with untreated ADHD report relationship strain due to inconsistent follow-through. Yet, his choice to skip meds and dodge responsibilities suggests what some Redditors call “weaponized incompetence.” Relationship expert Lundy Bancroft, in Why Does He Do That? (source), warns, “When a man consistently avoids accountability, it’s often a tactic to maintain control, not a lack of ability.”

Her husband’s portrayal of her as manipulative to others adds a layer of emotional manipulation, isolating her socially. Bancroft advises recognizing such patterns as red flags. She should prioritize her mental health, seek legal advice for financial independence, and explore therapy—solo if he won’t go. Re-entering the workforce, as Redditors suggest, could rebuild her autonomy. Readers, consider how you’d navigate a partner’s neglect without losing yourself—action starts with clarity.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crowd rolled up with pitchforks and hugs, ready to roast the husband and rally behind this overwhelmed mom. Here’s the spicy mix of takes they served up:

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morbidnerd − He'd bring you grapes on a silver platter, but he'd leave the platter, the grapes, and the mess in the kitchen for you to clean up. Probably left the fridge door open too.

Lazyoat − Get a job and a divorce. Sell the martial assets and be free of this.

bookishmama_76 − What. Did. I. Just. Read? He just loves you so much and has to be with you 24/7? NTA. Stop being a married single mom. IMO hubby is at least partially using Weaponized incompetence with you.

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Dramatic_Inside271 − Girllllll. YOU HAVE TO REMIND HIM TO SHOWER. TO SHOWER. Imagine doing all the stuff you're doing... for the next THIRTY years.. Divorce and run. Immediately. Go get a job and live your best life. Even as a single mom your life will be WAYYY easier.

oh_holy_cannoli − You have grounds, given any situation if thats what you want. And in this situation, it makes total sense. You’re not married with two kids, youre a single mom of three kids. The minute you said he made you quit your job as an ICU Nurse, my jaw dropped.

If Im not mistaken, thats a well paid job, yes? Yet, hes risking losing his job as the sole provider, and making you look bad to other people.. Im not suggesting anything here, but asking if you’ve considered he’s manipulating and controlling you?

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It common for a form if abuse to be requiring you quit your job (they control the finances and make you dependent), then make you do all the work (controlling and degrading), and talk bad about you to other people (disparaging your character so you feel like you have no one to turn to).

Honestly, coming from a similar situation, relationship therapy will likely be unsuccessful if you can even drag him there. I say let love and let go. You have a career to fall back on, and a whole life ahead of you.

Kenuven − Your children are learning this is the normal relationship dynamic

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BlazingSunflowerland − In the US, and most if not all western countries, not wanting to be married is grounds for divorce. You don't need any other reason except that you are unhappy. Get a job. Get your feet under you for living an independent life, get a separate bank account and then talk to a lawyer and file for divorce.

You don't need your husband's permission to get a job. Just get one. Tell him you are applying for a job in case he loses his. Figure out childcare on your own because you won't be able to rely on him. It is all on you so make your own decisions and go from there. Then you won't need to worry about whether he works or doesn't work.

He won't be able to blame his failures as a man on you being too controlling. Your stress level will drop. Your control over your own life will increase. Be the example of an adult who is an adult for your kids. They need a stable parent who provides a stable life and who is the example of how to live their lives.

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LAnotsoConfidential − Not worth it. Depressing. 

Mean_Environment4856 − Girl. Tou should have taken that divorce and ran. Time to start getting your s**t together and leave him . Your kids deserve better.

FiddleStyxxxx − Let's be clear: HE'S CAPABLE OF SIMPLE TASKS. It's no mistake that he can hold down a job for years and has family and friends who love and appreciate him. He's not a useless sack to all of those people, just to you. He does whatever he pleases in this relationship because he knows he can force you to do the rest.

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This is a common abuse tactic where men weaponize incompetence. He's gotten you completely financially dependent and you totally believe he's simply incapable of contributing. You've bought that he empathizes with you and worships the ground you walk on despite mountains of evidence that you are a house slave and babymaker to this monster.

His empty words are doing so much work here when he actually treats you like trash. He won't leave you alone? That's creepy! It's not an endearing form of love. He refuses to leave the house because that's where you are and where he can get the most satisfaction out of his position in the relationship.

It's comfortable from his perspective. He's having a great time and doesn't care how you feel. Stop appealing to empathy that doesn't exist and protect yourself and your children first.. It might help you to read:[ Why Does He Do That?]

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These Redditors didn’t sugarcoat it, calling out the husband’s behavior as manipulative and urging her to reclaim her life. But do their fiery opinions capture the whole truth, or are they fanning the flames of her frustration? One thing’s clear: this marriage mess has the internet buzzing.

This woman’s story is a gut-punch reminder that love alone can’t sustain a marriage when one partner checks out. Juggling kids, a dead-end fixer-upper, and a husband who acts like a third child, she’s at a crossroads: stay for the kids or leave for her sanity. Her courage in questioning her path shines through, but the road ahead demands tough choices. As she weighs divorce, her story begs us to ask—what’s the cost of carrying someone who won’t walk beside you? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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