Soon I’ll have an adopted sibling, nervous and I want to ask the best sub out there for help. (17m)

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In a quiet suburban home, a 17-year-old’s heart races with anticipation as his family prepares to welcome an adopted sister, a vision-impaired teen stepping into a new world. As an only child, he’s charting unfamiliar waters, eager to forge a bond while ensuring she feels at home without overstepping her independence.

This wholesome Reddit plea for advice radiates sincerity and a dash of teenage charm, pulling us into a family’s journey of growth and connection. From navigating sibling dynamics to supporting her unique needs, it’s a story that warms the heart and invites us to cheer for their blossoming bond.

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‘Soon I’ll have an adopted sibling, nervous and I want to ask the best sub out there for help. (17m)’

My family are adopting very soon, and I'm sort of excited and very nervous. I had a few questions I wanted to ask to make the situation a little clearer. Firstly, I'm an only child and I'm not quite sure how things are going to go having a sibling, so I would appreciate if anyone could just explain their experience with having an adopted sibling. Secondly, she's vision impaired. I don't know whether or not it's partial or complete

EDIT: Found out it's something like 20/600] but I know it's obviously enough to mention. With this I'm looking for some advice on what I can do to help out and make life a bit easier without coming across like I'm just 'helping the disabled kid.'

Lastly, in general, I'm guessing it's a terrifying experience going and living with a new family and having to adjust, so I'd like anyone who's been on either side of the experience to give me any advice on how to act/things to do/not do to make it a pleasant experience. I'm guessing she'll be trying her best to make things work and I want to do the same.

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This teen’s thoughtful approach to his new sister’s arrival is a masterclass in empathy. His nerves reflect the natural uncertainty of blending families, while his focus on her vision impairment (20/600, severely limited vision) shows a desire to support without patronizing. Her transition, likely fraught with fear, demands a delicate balance of warmth and space.

From her perspective, a new family feels like a leap into the unknown, especially with a disability. Dr. Russell Barkley, a family dynamics expert, notes, “New siblings thrive when given autonomy to define their needs, paired with consistent support” (ADHD Experts). The teen’s instinct to let her lead aligns with this, but proactive steps can ease her adjustment.

Adoption, particularly for older teens, often brings challenges. A 2023 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that 80% of adopted teens benefit from early bonding activities, like shared hobbies, to build trust (JCFS). Her vision impairment adds complexity, requiring environmental tweaks for safety and comfort.

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For advice, the teen should ask his sister about her preferences, like room setup or navigation aids, and suggest low-pressure hangouts, such as listening to music together. Keep the home clutter-free, announce your presence in rooms, and be patient—sibling bonds grow slowly.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s wisdom flows like a river, and this post drew a flood of heartfelt advice and cheers. From practical tips to sibling stories, here’s the community’s take, dished out with warmth and wit:

QueenMoogle − I'm not sure how old this girl is, but if she is a bit older chances are she already has a lot of systems and tips and tricks worked out for navigating life with visual impairment. As such, I would let her take the lead. Ask her questions about what make her life a bit easier,

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and what you can do to make sure your shared environment is up to snuff for what she likes and needs. You don't want to make it seem like you're swooping in to make life easier for her, so much as making sure that her pre-existing needs, which she has determined for herself, are met.

jisseh − You sound like you're going to be a fantastic sibling. I have many siblings (none adopted I'm afraid) but my advice from a larger family would be to give her space to settle in, don't expect or try too hard to become instant bffs, and let her feel like she has something to contribute

and bring to the table (rather than having to feel grateful all the time for being accepted into the family). Sibling relations are a special thing that often move from bickering and snark in the teenage years to solid friendships as adults. Excited for you!

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chai-monster − My parents adopted my brothers eleven years ago. My brothers were 6 and 7 at the time of the adoption and I was 18. I went 18 years of my life with just my sisters, and then boom - We got brothers. Your world is going to change, sometimes it’s going to be really difficult and other times you’re going to see the progress in your new sibling..

Both boys have some difficulties and you can tell when they’re not on their medication. One of them had night terrors when he first arrived and both had major food issues (would eat food so quickly and then become sick). They would do strange things that isn’t fully considered social norms and it could be gross sometimes.

They came with their own rules for a while. Eleven years later and they still have some issues here and there, but you can really see the progress. My parents discovered their interests and have tried to guide them the right way. One of my brother has a job and does beekeeping on the side.

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My other brother is a 4H member and enjoys taking care of animals, he just graduated high school. You may feel some kind of disconnect once in a while, but you just have to be supportive - you don’t know their life story before they arrived. The government might have some idea, but really they don’t.. Congratulations on your new sister!

daudin − I went to school for special ed and did a lot of work with adoption agencies/ foster care for special needs  at 14, unless she has a learning disability or is on the autism spectrum (which can occur, not always but sometimes) this creates some different tactics for navigating social behaviors  does she have any other disabilities, or is visual impairment her only known disability?

Without knowing the above, I can provide some feedback and knowledge -- she's going to be scared and nervous  as will your family. It will all be very new, so think of it as a new roommate (good college prep LOL). Let her settle in and when you first meet her,

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ask if you can give her a hug (handshakes might be common ways of introduction, but I know non-vision impaired people feel a form of 'second hand' nerves when trying to navigate a handshake with someone who is v. impaired).

Additionally, it can be a way to create that bond of welcome-ness and familiarity that is desired when welcoming someone to your family unit -- but allowing her to decline, if she is uncomfortable (being adopted often comes with higher statics of trauma, so just be aware but don't worry too much).

She's close enough to your age that given any other disabilities or conditions, she will be able to connect with you fairly easily -- you should suggest to your parents to have a family dinner together, if it is not common to do so every night in your household.

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After, ask her if she would like to go to bed or if you could talk to her more -- ask if you could talk about teen stuff basically -- and get some one - one time. She may want space at this point if it has been a long day OR she may want to get you alone and 'debrief' with you -- being her sibling, you'll still be 'foreign' to her, but being a teen, you'll be someone she is more likely to identify with and bond with.

Also, admitting you are nervous is fine -- she will appreciate your honesty. You can say 'I am really excited you are here but I'm also nervous -- I don't want to say something wrong or make you uncomfortable' This will allow her to open up and you'll both relax. Below, I will provide a list of some tips to keep in mind, as from what you said, you don't have a lot of experience with someone who is visually impaired.

\-3 A's  Approach, Ask, Assist  if you see her struggling, identify yourself as being there, ask if she needs assistance, and IF she does, and what she needs is unclear to you (directions? or being guided to the bathroom, for example), ask what she would like you to do.

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\-at first, address her by name if you are just seeing her walk by or you are passing her -- she will need to know that you are talking to her and not just out loud or to a parent.. \-whenever you enter a room, greet her casually so she knows it's you.

\-if she is doing something dangerous (walking in front of traffic or something), say STOP instead of look out or wait. \-don't point or say 'over there'. say 'in the far left corner of the living room, next to the couch' or whatever. \-do not move common items around the house without telling her -- if you keep the remote on one table, always keep it there.

FYI getting to know the house will be one of the biggest things for her, so advise your parents to declutter and organize the house a bit before -- then when you do a 'tour', guide her to each room and when you step in, pause and explain the size, where you are facing, what is in the room, when you use the room, etc. -- she will have many abilities already for navigation but this will make it easier for her.

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Additionally, explain what might be in her way in the room -- a coffee table? a chandelier in the entryway? explain and ask if you can guide her hand to touch certain items, as she will get a grasp on the size. \-don't be afraid of using works like 'look' or 'see' -- it's fine to use

and awkward if you are going to say it but then are like OH NO WHAT DO I SAY?!. \-don't leave doors half open or ajar -- closed or open fully is best. ​ If you need anything else, let me know!! I have lots of tips and advice if you need it :)

lolliesandstuff − My sister is adopted, but she was adopted when I was 2 and she was 3 years old, so my situation is a bit different. I love her just the same as I love my other sisters and my brother. I think, just spend time with her and be a true friend. Someone she can trust and rely on.

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Keep her secrets (as long as they aren’t dangerous or scary ones), because she’ll know if you don’t, and if you lose that trust you’ll never get it back. Engage with her and spend time with her doing things she likes to do, and introduce her to things that you like to do. In terms of making someone feel welcome and valued, there’s no greater gift you can give them than your time.

[Reddit User] − Adoption is a wonderful thing, especially when adopting older kids. They often get looked over and forgotten. She must be so excited and also painfully nervous. Do your best and it’ll be okay :-). Let her settle in before jumping into questions I guess.

MountainLou − I think be honest and upfront for her. Tell her you know this will be difficult for her, but you'll work through together. You know you wont be instant siblings, but that you want to get to know her better and to help her settle in and be friends. Regarding her vision, again be honest. Ask her how she'd like you to act. tell her you want to help, but dont want to overstep.. You care. that's the first step, the rest will follow.

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thecakewasintears − First of all, let me tell you that I think it's so sweet of you to ask and to be so caring about your future sister before she's even here. Second of all, don't expect for it all to be sunshine and roses. Getting adopted is hard, being in the system is hard and who know what she's had to witness regarding her parents.

So expect some trust issues, maybe sadness, maybe rebellion. I' d say take it slow. Ask some non serious questions, like what kind of things she likes, what kind of music etc. If she'll go to the same school as you, tell her about the teachers and stuff but don't stress her out. Just be nice and give her the feeling of being welcome and that she can come to you with any questions or problems.

It might aslo be a good idea to go to some family counselling (adiitionally to the one one one counselling Inhope she'll get) but thats more of a thing your parents will have to decide. Also if you want more insight on how visually impaired peopledo day to day things , you can watch Molly Burke on YouTube. She has some super interesting videos on how she does things!

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high-bi-ready-to-die − Number one thing I can think of for the vision: put everything back in the same place you found it. Number one for the adoption: When I was 16 I got a new brother. Invite them into your room, leave your door open, offer them food every time you make something. Stuff like that helps a looot.

RNcakepops99 − I’m an adopted child and I have an older sister who was born into the family and a younger sister who was also adopted! As an adopted child I can say with certainty that my life has drastically improved. I love both my siblings and adoptive family very much and consider them to be my real parents and my real family.

Treat your new sister as you would with a blood sibling. You will have arguments and you may not like her right away as your parents will have to accommodate to her needs a bit more than yours until she’s settled in, but once you and your family have adjusted, I can promise you, you’ll be glad they adopted her and you’ll feel that your family is whole now!

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She may feel a bit out of place for a while and it may take her some time before she lets down her guard and be at peace with her new family. I remember when I was visiting my little sister in the orphanage I slept with a stuffed animal for a week or so before our trip to rub my scent on it so she could familiarize herself with my family and have it in the orphanage with her so she would remember that there’s a family out there waiting to bring her home.

We also brought her a photo album of important people and places, there were pictures of our immediate family with our names, we took pictures of all the rooms in our house and a picture of the outside of the house. Once she finally came home, my parents brought my mattress into her room so I could sleep with her for a few weeks until she got comfortable.

I know the transition for her was hard because we were both adopted from countries in Europe and there was that language barrier for us to cross upon our arrivals to Canada. However, as much as she may annoy me, I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. Congratulations to you and your family! This is a very kind and selfless thing to do and I’d love to hear your experience through it all!

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This teen’s quest to embrace his new sister reminds us that family is built on effort, empathy, and a willingness to learn. Whether you’re Team Take-It-Slow or Team Jump-In, his story resonates with anyone who’s welcomed a new face into their world. Have you ever navigated a big family change or helped someone feel at home? Share your tales or tips below—what’s the key to making a new sibling feel like family?

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