WIBTA for telling my boyfriend’s parents I’m not his babysitter?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy apartment shared with her boyfriend, a 23-year-old woman fields yet another call from his parents, urging her to “make sure” he handles basic adult tasks. From dentist visits to job changes, their requests pile up, casting her as his unofficial babysitter.

This Reddit story unravels the tension of unwanted expectations in a relationship’s extended family. Ever been roped into someone else’s responsibilities? Join us as we explore a young woman’s push to draw a line without sparking a feud.

‘WIBTA for telling my boyfriend’s parents I’m not his babysitter?’

I 23f have been dating my boyfriend Josh 29m for 2 years. We live together as well. Recently, his parents have started asking me to get him to do things. 'Make sure Josh to go to the dentist for his cracked tooth.' or 'Make sure Josh updates his passport.' or 'Make sure Josh changes his pet food for his cat.

We don't like the brand.' Or 'Make sure Josh does his taxes. You may need to sit with him and help.' The most recent has been convincing Josh to get a new job in an entirely unrelated field because Josh's parents don't feel like he makes enough money. (Josh makes 70k, I make 110k so we are doing fine.)

Typically I respond with some variation of 'I'm fully capable Josh can figure it out himself, and if not, it will be a good learning experience for him.' but that hasn't stopped Josh's parents. Now I'm planning on being a little harsher and telling them I'm not Josh's babysitter and to leave me out of these concerns.. WIBTA for saying that? Is there anything else I should do differently?

A relationship thrives on partnership, not parenting, but this woman’s stuck playing taskmaster for her boyfriend, courtesy of his parents. Their relentless requests—dentist appointments, passport updates, even a career switch—place her in an unfair role, ignoring her polite deflections. Her instinct to set a firm boundary (“I’m not his babysitter”) is a cry for respect, but the dynamic hints at deeper issues.

This situation screams misplaced expectations. The parents’ insistence suggests they see her as Josh’s caretaker, possibly reflecting outdated gender roles or their own habits with him. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries protect individual autonomy within a partnership” (The Gottman Institute). A 2024 study from the Journal of Family Issues found 55% of couples face tension when in-laws overstep into daily responsibilities (SAGE Journals).

The issue echoes other relationship strains, like a girlfriend hurt by an insensitive gift, where lack of respect fueled conflict. Reddit’s warning about Josh’s potential immaturity is worth noting—does he lean on her to manage his life? His silence while his parents nag is telling. Cultural or family norms might explain their behavior, but it doesn’t justify the burden.

What’s the play? She should have a candid talk with Josh: “Your parents’ requests make me feel like your assistant. Can you handle them?” If he steps up, great; if not, it’s a red flag. A polite but firm message to his parents—“I’m his partner, not his manager”—sets the tone. Blocking persistent calls, as suggested, could reinforce the boundary.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit packed a punch, blending support with sharp insights like a family reunion with extra sass. Here’s what they had to say about this parental overreach.

milee30 − Warning - if they believe this is your job as the woman, they likely have raised Josh to believe this as well. It may not be evident in the early stages of your relationship but as time goes on and pressures add, responsibilities pile on and maybe you add kids,

you might find Josh doesn’t pick up tasks like this because hes never had to and deep down believes that’s your role.. Ask me how I know this. Lived it. NTA but keep a very close eye on this. You may not be seeing it yet and his words may be saying the right thing, but watch to see what he does over time and pressure.

CSurvivor9 − Ugh, they sound awful. Where's Josh in all this? Why isn't he telling them to shut up? He's really the one that needs to confeont his parents to get it to stop. While you're NTA for being fed up, you can turn into one by creating drama if you go too far.

rememberimapersontoo − girl you have a bigger problem than you even see because no matter what his parents are like, if your (older) boyfriend had even an iota of maturity or responsibility he would be keeping track of these things himself. keep arguing with his parents if that’s you’re prerogative but you’re wasting your time because the reality is that you’re dating a man who isn’t taking ownership of his responsibilities.

he expects these things to be sorted out for him. even if you let his parents keep doing that for now eventually they’ll just die and he’ll be furious at you for not taking over because at that point he’ll be grieving…. this story is a bleak look down a long dark tunnel of a life, turn back now

pokedabadger − NTA. I think Josh needs to handle his parents, that’s not your job. He needs to tell them, “hey, I keep hearing you tell OP to remind me about things and make appointments. It feels a little weird to me when you treat her like my personal assistant.”

Trishshirt5678 − Why are they eating Josh's cat's food? Seriously, though, they sound awful.

wandering_salad − NTA. I'd just tell them: 'I'm his partner, NOT his mother/babysitter/personal assistant. Please stop messaging/calling me about this stuff.'. And then just block if they keep harrassing you.

velvetblonde89 − **NTA.** You’re his partner, not his personal assistant, life coach, or concierge service. Josh is a grown man pushing 30. If he can earn a salary, cohabitate, and file his own taxes (hopefully), then he can also handle his dentist appointments and passport renewals without a handler. His parents need to redirect their concerns *to him,* not delegate them to you like you’re on payroll. Setting that boundary doesn’t make you harsh—it makes you sane.

Sylas_23 − 'Make sure Josh doesn't get spoiled and is unprepared for life because his parents have catered to his every need for his entire life.'

EwwDavvidd − NTA, but I think it's best if Josh tells them to stop. It won't be well received from you and could create issues down the road.

ShutUpMorrisseyffs − Just stare at them and say nothing. Let the pause emphasise the stupidity of their comments. Then continue as if nothing happened.. E.g. you could say 'would you like some tea? Eventually, they will learn not to say such silly things. Make it awkward and they will strive to avoid the situation.

Whew, these Redditors are serving boundary-setting tips zestier than a family drama! Their takes are bold, but can they steer this couple clear of meddling parents? One thing’s clear: this girlfriend’s ready to rewrite her role!

From dentist nagging to job-switch nudging, this woman’s story shows how fast family expectations can sour a relationship’s vibe. Her stand against being a babysitter is a lesson in owning your space. Ever been saddled with someone else’s to-do list? Drop your tales below—what’s your trick for keeping family at bay?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *