My (f33) boyfriend (m40) is expecting a child with his ex-wife (f39), how do I navigate this?

A quiet evening turned into a whirlwind for a 33-year-old woman when her boyfriend of a few months dropped a bombshell: his ex-wife, still living under the same roof, is pregnant with his child, conceived from stored sperm he didn’t know she’d used. The news hit like a rogue wave, stirring doubts about trust and boundaries in a relationship that was just finding its rhythm. With two kids already tying him to his ex, this new baby complicates an already unconventional setup.

Her story is a tangled knot of love, loyalty, and lingering ties, pulling us into the messy reality of dating someone with a foot in two worlds. As she wrestles with whether to stay or walk away—especially after his defensive reaction to her sharing the issue online—we’re left wondering: can this relationship weather the storm, or is it time to jump ship?

‘My (f33) boyfriend (m40) is expecting a child with his ex-wife (f39), how do I navigate this?’

I (f33) have been dating Justin (m40) for a few months, and things just got complicated. He has two young children with his ex-wife (f39), Casey. They separated early into COVID, not terribly long after the second child was born. For the sake of the children, finances, COVID etc, they continued to live in the same home.

He likens it to a roommate arrangement in separated bedrooms. They've both had relationships with other people since separating, and for the most part, have been amicable. Casey has now announced she's pregnant, early into 2nd trimester. She was pregnant before Justin and I started dating, but she has just told him now.

He had provided sperm samples in the past when they were trying for another child. Justin was not aware that Casey was trying to get pregnant at all, or that she was using his sperm. He loves children, so he is of course, very happy. So now my boyfriend is having a child with his ex-wife.

So far, I haven't had an issue with them still living together. I don't agree with it necessarily, the misleading of their children, but I do understand why they're doing it. He had told me before the pregnancy announcement that he was still planning to live with her for some time, he likes how their arrangement has been for their kids.

And I was fine with that. I was not planning to rush to into moving in with him, should our relationship progress as is it has been. Normally, I would not be concerned about looking so far ahead this early into a relationship, but this situation is forcing me to.. I'm trying to determine if this relationship can work.. 

Discovering your partner’s ex is pregnant with his child is like stepping into a soap opera mid-scene. This woman’s boyfriend’s arrangement—living with his ex-wife and now facing a new child—raises red flags about boundaries and transparency.

His claim of ignorance about the pregnancy, tied to stored sperm, strains credulity, as Reddit noted. Dr. Shirley Glass, an expert on infidelity and boundaries, wrote, “Unclear boundaries with ex-partners can undermine new relationships, especially when living arrangements blur lines” (Not Just Friends). His ongoing cohabitation, even if platonic, risks emotional entanglement, particularly with a new child strengthening their bond.

This situation reflects broader challenges in blended families. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 45% of cohabiting ex-partners report confusion in new relationships due to undefined roles (Sage Journals). His defensive reaction to her sharing the issue online suggests poor communication, a hurdle for their future.

Dr. Glass advises setting clear boundaries, like discussing his long-term living plans and ensuring transparency about his ex’s actions. She should voice her discomfort and assess if he prioritizes their relationship. Resources like Psychology Today can connect her with a therapist to navigate this. Given the early stage of their relationship, she must weigh if his complex ties align with her goals, especially after his blame-shifting response.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit gang dove in like detectives at a crime scene, tossing out theories and tough love with a side of sarcasm. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd, crackling with skepticism and support.

Carknee99 − lol sperm samples? They obviously had s**.

FatSadHappy − Get out of it.. They still a couple, they will be raising a kid, you are side piece here.

Dear-Midnight − I've never heard of anyone getting pregnant in this way. If he provided sperm samples, they would be in the possession of a medical lab, not in her possession. How would she get hold of them? How would they still be viable?. In a word, or rather in part of a word: Sus.

Mellykitty1 − She definitely used a sample…. Of his live penis.. OP FFS!! Wake the f**k up!!

miyahedi21 − Stay away from this broken family's mess before it makes you regret ever meeting him

Ok-Willow-9145 − He lives with his wife and she announced her pregnancy, they’re not just roommates. He is lying to you extravagantly.. Don’t compound this error by lying to yourself too. D**p this lying cheater.

Specialist-Host-4707 − You’re about to get sucked into more drama than you need. Find another guy.

EmceeSuzy − Did you just fall off the back of a turnip truck?

lovebeinganasshole − He’s still f**king her and no matter what you will always be seen as the interloper by their children.. Does this dude have a magical d**k? Walk away.

TitaniaT-Rex − Don’t date anyone who is this involved with their ex. Ever.

Redditors didn’t buy the sperm-sample story, urging her to bail on a situation reeking of deception. Their blunt calls to “run” stir the pot, but do they catch the full nuance, or are they just fanning the drama flames? One thing’s clear: this baby bombshell has sparked a wildfire of opinions.

This woman’s plunge into her boyfriend’s tangled family life—complete with a surprise pregnancy and a shared home—feels like a plot twist nobody saw coming. Whether she digs in or cuts loose, her clarity in questioning the setup shows strength. Reddit’s screaming “get out,” but love’s rarely that simple. Have you ever faced a partner with ties that felt too tight to their past? What would you do in her shoes? Share your take and let’s keep the convo rolling.

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