[UPDATE] My (32m) fiancé (31m) told his parents we weren’t together

In a quiet living room, the warmth of a four-year love story flickers like a candle in a storm. A 32-year-old man, once radiant with joy over his engagement to Jack, now sits in stunned silence, his heart cracked by a painful truth. Jack’s refusal to tell his parents about their relationship wasn’t about family drama—it was about his own wavering heart.

For those who want to read the previous part: Devoted Fiancé Hides Engagement From Parents, Sparks Heartbreak.

This update peels back the layers of a love tested by doubt, leaving a man and his young son at a crossroads. With raw honesty, the story dives into the ache of unspoken fears and the courage it takes to face an uncertain future. It’s a tale that begs the question: can love survive when trust hangs by a thread?

‘[UPDATE] My (32m) fiancé (31m) told his parents we weren’t together’

So, Thursday night, Jack and I sat down and talked. I asked him why he didn’t tell his parents about us, and he couldn’t answer me. I told him how it made me feel, and he just shrugged. I asked if he ever did this with his previous relationships, to which he said no.

I asked if his parents expected him to settle down with a woman instead of a man, and he said his parents would be fine regardless of who he ends up with. I then reluctantly asked if it had anything to do with Max (My son), and he said no again. At this point, I’m even more confused and starting to get frustrated.

I don’t understand why he’s hiding our relationship from them. I ended up asking him if it had something to do with me, and I was met with silence. I asked him what I did wrong, and he turned away from me and said that I didn't do anything wrong. I kept asking him, but he still wouldn’t answer me.

I was getting annoyed and was going to go to the bedroom to cool down and try again tomorrow, but before I could leave the room, Jack spoke up. He told me that he was having doubts about our relationship, and he didn’t want his parents to know about us in case he decided to break up with me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there staring at him.

When he noticed I wasn’t going to say anything, he carried on talking. He told me that he began questioning our relationship before we got engaged, and the reason he proposed was because he thought it would make him feel better about us. But it didn’t.

I asked him if he wanted to break up, and he said he didn’t know. I feel numb right now. I thought Jack loved me like I love him, but apparently not. The thought of him only proposing to me because he thought it would make him not want to break up with me hurts so much.

So I guess the reason he didn’t tell his parents about us wasn’t anything to do with them, but it was to do with us. To everyone who said it was between him and his parents, thank you for giving me a shred of hope that it wasn’t me. I really don’t know where to go from here. Do I give him time, or do I break up with him? I feel so lost.

Jack’s revelation that he proposed to mask his doubts is a gut-wrenching blow for his fiancé, turning a symbol of commitment into a bandage for uncertainty. Relationships thrive on trust, but Jack’s silence built a wall instead. “When partners withhold critical feelings, it erodes the foundation of intimacy,” says Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, in a Greater Good Magazine article.

The OP’s confusion and pain reflect a betrayal of emotional transparency. Jack’s doubts, harbored before the engagement, suggest deeper issues—perhaps fear of commitment or unresolved identity struggles. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association notes that 30% of engaged couples face significant doubts, often tied to communication breakdowns.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: the danger of avoiding honest dialogue in relationships. Jack’s choice to propose rather than address his feelings sidestepped vulnerability, hurting both partners. Dr. Johnson emphasizes “emotionally focused conversations” to rebuild trust. The OP could explore couples counseling to unpack Jack’s doubts and assess if their love can be salvaged. Open-ended questions, like “What fears are holding you back?” might help Jack articulate his struggles.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew came through with a mix of fiery indignation and tender support. From calls to walk away to suggestions for counseling, these comments light up the emotional stakes like a neon sign. Get ready for some unfiltered takes!

WhatHappenedMonday − I am not gay, but I have been in love. If someone hid me from their family when they had never hid any of their previous relationships, went so far as to ask me to marry them but still was unsure of the relationship....I would leave. Because maybe this person loves you......but they don't love you enough. You deserve to be loved with the same intensity as you love. Anything else and you are both just settling.

snowmansweet − I am so sorry that this happened to you, this says waaaaay more about him than it does about you. I would be very, very hesitant to continue this relationship. If you do you should get into couples counseling if you are able to.

Helpful_Librarian_87 − Baby - it still is nothing to do with you. It’s all on him. He’s being a wobble-wobble and messing with your and Max’s hearts. I hope you can find yourself

heavy-hands − He wasn’t sure about your relationship and so his move was…. to propose???? This is so ass backwards I’m not sure what to say. I’m so very sorry, but be glad you’re finding out now than after you married him. This person does not deserve you.

LesserKnownJen − I have no advice. I can only offer you some gay mom hugs. I’m so sorry. You deserve to be loved. I hope the next person you love shows you every day how special and loved you are.

StateofMind70 − He is a spineless weasel. Like he couldn't just open his mouth and say something? Bail. You don't want to wait around to see if he may like you enough to marry. Who wants that?

tropicsandcaffeine − Leave now. He does not want you. He has proven that.

Old_Leadership_5000 − You don't want to be with a man who cannot unreservedly choose you. Move on; and go live your best life without him in it.

nicchamilton − I’m sorry you’re going through this. You can sit down and talk about why he’s questioning it. Maybe he has fears? Maybe he has doubts? Getting married is a big thing and I think it can be natural to have these thoughts.

Although acting on it like he did with his parents and just now telling you is wrong of him and for me a bit of trust would be broken. You guys have a lot of communication to work on. Couples counseling might be the only way out of this. But this is a very difficult situation.

Plus_Data_1099 − Move on this sounds over sadly.

But are these Reddit opinions a roadmap or just a vent session? Maybe it’s time to sift through the noise and find clarity in this messy love story.

This update leaves a once-hopeful engagement teetering on the brink, with Jack’s doubts casting a long shadow over love’s promise. The OP faces a tough choice: fight for clarity or step away from a fractured bond. What would you do if your partner’s commitment wavered at the altar of doubt? Share your thoughts or experiences below—let’s dive into the messy, beautiful chaos of love and trust.

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